Jilly10340 Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 I'm talking to someone right now (as friends) who just started dating someone who is 16. He's 22. Is this too much of a gap? When he told me I was shocked and kind of grossed out. How much of a age difference is just too much?
tiki Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Ewwwww. I think that's a little extreme. Dude, she just got her license! Maybe he can go to her prom with her? He'll be 24ish!
overseas2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Well its kind of a problem not because the amount of years but because of your age. I had a bf that was 10 years older than me but I am 37 so its no biggie. The key in your relationship is that he is already an adult and you are almost there. Talk to your parents about it and see what they think.
Fayebelle Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Any age gap that is considered illegal should be considered too much. Your friend falls into that category. Plus- what does a 22 yr old have in common w/ a 16 yr old? Did he just get his license too? I agree- it's yucky- and he could go to jail if he continues.
overseas2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 It is not illegal in most states to date a 16 year old. It is illegal to HAVE SEX someone who is 14 or under if you are four or years older than them. Please get your facts straight before spewing out the law. And with regards to having things in common you just cant judge that. My grandfather was 36 when he married my 18 year old grandmother. It depends on the maturity level of the woman you are with.
Author Jilly10340 Posted October 20, 2004 Author Posted October 20, 2004 Overseas I'm not the one dating him. He's the one who started dating a 16 year old. I thought it was a little much and wanted others opinions.
Fayebelle Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by overseas2004 It is not illegal in most states to date a 16 year old. It is illegal to HAVE SEX someone who is 14 or under if you are four or years older than them. Please get your facts straight before spewing out the law. And with regards to having things in common you just cant judge that. My grandfather was 36 when he married my 18 year old grandmother. It depends on the maturity level of the woman you are with. Quite right- but as this would come down to he said she said (unless they were caught in the act) Charges CAN be pressed on the dating issue if a parent or guardian has a prob w/the relationship. In what yr were your granparents married? Please take present social roles into consideration. Of course these two could both be out of school and working- but I think Jilly was using a specific example towards a general question. Hence her post ending w/ How much age dif is too much. The fact is MOST teenagers do not have much in common w/adults in regard to where they are in their life. As overseas pointed out - the probs decrease as the age of both parties increase.
tiki Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by overseas2004 It is not illegal in most states to date a 16 year old. Please provide factual evidence of this. I have seen this EXACT same issue cause controversy before. I want to see for myself. I too, thought it was illegal. It was when I was growing up. Lord knows that was freakin decades ago.
Naive Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 I always ask myself, how hard can it be for a guy to find someone more his age that has more in common with him.
savethedrama4allama Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 I think that is icky, but in Michigan I believe that the age of consent is 16 so I don't know if he could actually be convicted of anything.
winnieloveshunny Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 i personally feel that 2 persons must be at the same stage of their lives so that their gap will not be too big. if the girl is only 16, she's only a student and still has a long way to go while the guy is already a working adult. the guy seems to be dating a kid, which is true. i don't think they have much in common anyway. i often have the impression that the guy is out to cheat little girls. i can't see why a much older guy can be attracted to a little schoolgirl. if the both of them are older, like when the girl also goes out to work in the society, even 10 years seem ok to me. but then again, i did have some friends back in high school who had boyfriends who are almost 10 years older than them. from what i know, they had been dating for years and their relationships with their boyfriends seem to be very strong. one of them met the boyfriend in church and they are still both very devoted christians. they know each others' parents and had even discussed marriage. so.. i think if age is not a problem, the girl should be very matured to be dating an adult.
bluetuesday Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 my eldest brother started dating a 15-year-old girl when he was 22. when she was 23 they got married. she's now 30, they've got three little kids, are still madly in love and have loads in common. age is irrelevant. your friend is only commiting a criminal offence if he's sleeping with this girl and she's underage. there's no crime in simply dating her.
blind_otter Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by Fayebelle Quite right- but as this would come down to he said she said (unless they were caught in the act) Charges CAN be pressed on the dating issue if a parent or guardian has a prob w/the relationship. In what yr were your granparents married? Please take present social roles into consideration. Of course these two could both be out of school and working- but I think Jilly was using a specific example towards a general question. Hence her post ending w/ How much age dif is too much. The fact is MOST teenagers do not have much in common w/adults in regard to where they are in their life. As overseas pointed out - the probs decrease as the age of both parties increase. Not to butt in, but my parents were married in the 70s, and my Dad was 41 and my Mom was 19. They have been together, jeez, it's over 30 years now...they are like the odd couple, but they are happy. Thing is most women are not as mature as my mom (she was raising her younger siblings and supporting her family at 16, and she finished her secondary education by the time she was 16 as well)....a normal 16 year old isn't very mature....
blind_otter Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Originally posted by tikibrandy Please provide factual evidence of this. I have seen this EXACT same issue cause controversy before. I want to see for myself. I too, thought it was illegal. It was when I was growing up. Lord knows that was freakin decades ago. Actually whoever posted that was wrong. Statutory rape is defined as sexual intercourse with a person under a specified age. This age varies from state to state and country to country but usually ranges from 12 to 18 years. Sexual intercourse with a person who is mentally deficient or unconscious and therefore incapable of giving consent is also sometimes considered statutory rape. 12 years old? Woah. I didn't get pubes until I was 12. Is that the grass on the field law? Hrm. FYI here's the site: Age of consent around the world AND state to state
snilljente Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 What about a guy who is 34 dating a girl who is 24? Opinions?
CurlyIam Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 I think it's possible, but not necesarily a succes. Too many unknown variables. I dated a 21 years old when I was 16. I ended up dumping the guy for a class mate. It was a LDR and it was the smartest move I ever made. The guy was very seriously contemplating the possibility of waiting 'till I finished highschool to marry me. 16 is the age to worry about pimples and wheather blue is more fashionable that pink (no offence, dyer). But then, girls are a bit more mature that guys. It's up to them to decide. MAke your opinion known to your friend, but stick to him for support and.... try to refrain yourself from saying "I told you so!" when it will be over .
snilljente Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 Let me know about any unknown variables you want to know about and I will give you the info....thanks!
CurlyIam Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 34 and 24 is not only possible, but probable too. Speaking as a 24 years old, I see no real problem, if the guy is young at heart. I love being young and I hate compromising.I think people tend to compromise more with age. I hate that. But a priori, when you're 24, there's no age problem, really. Unless you're dating a 50 years old one !
snilljente Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 I am not sure what you mean about comprimising as we get older...I am actually much MORE SELECTIVE now than when I was 24. I am 36 and 24 seems like a lifetime ago...so I don't agree with you about it not being a big age gap....but what do I know....I am the one that is single, not the 24 year old my 34 year old ex left me for.....
kellydontwanttasleep Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 it's ok in Ohio if that the place you live. 16 is legal. so there's no problem
muc1386 Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 You are only young once! My mom told me these were the best years of my life, of course I didn't believe her........be young, be happy and be free. YOU HAVE MANY YEARS TO BE SERIOUS AHEAD. Find out what you want and what you want to be.
CurlyIam Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 Compromising as in preffering to work extra hours and get paid and not go to see who knows what a great creation of movie of an unknown, yet famous director... See what I mean ? As I see it ( call me a snob, I can take it), when you're 24 and have no family, you're a bit more near your 20's. When you're 34... You're like 10 years older, for crying out loud. Like, I don't really give a sh*t that I actually don't have my own house (or my own car, for that matter), but something tells me that in my 30's Id kinda be dead worried not to have at least that. Snill, be glad you weren't married to him and that he didn't leave when you were in you mid forties. As much as I try to be opened to possibilities, I think older men have 2 bad bad habits: 1.they seem to take things seriously way way too fast (for my own taste, anyway) 2.they seem to have this bad habit of dying like really early!!! Cheer up, girl. The looser (from my pov) in his eqution is not you, but the OW.
snilljente Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 Well, he is 34, still lives at home, has a car and a part-time job, but is going to jail on 10/28...I have a career, own my own home and take care of myself...honestly, not to toot my own horn,but I think I intimidated him and made him feel bad about himself and she was a safer bet (she lives at home too, is still in school, etc....)...I just am missing him...for the record...he told me he needed SPACE because he was stressed out about the jail thing....this guy was so into me....EVERYONE that saw us together said he ADORES you!!!.....so I had NO DOUBTS about his need for a few days away from me.......TWO DAYS after he requested space, he met and started dating her....he CONTINUED to tell me that he was just suffering due to his stress and that he cared, missed me and we would be together again after his legal stuff was settled....I was praying for the guy, as was my family....I LOVED the guy.......and he was seeing her after two days while keeping up the charade with me...I am getting a little better...but for whatever reason, I am having a bad day.....Ugh! I want so bad to write him and tell him that despite his terrible behavior, that I GENUINELY cared and that he wasn't just another guy I dated, but someone that I genuinely cared about....I don't want him back, but I want him to know how deeply this has affected me.....Opinions?!
CurlyIam Posted October 21, 2004 Posted October 21, 2004 Which one? (ain't it strange how we seem to always meet at these late hous?)
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