Met up with dumper ex for lunch. Strange?

[youngbutoldsoul]

I'm going to number the basic facts in chronological order to sum up:

 

1) My bf of 2 years and I shared a room in an apartment together

 

2) He dumped me 3 months ago. I begged and it seemed to change his mind until one day he met someone else and had a FINAL breakup with me (2 months ago) ~ Said he lost feelings and "that's it" for us

 

3) He was inconsistent with his attitude/behavior towards me. While he verbally asks how I'm doing maybe once or so a week, he showed extreme insensitivity by mistreating our living space together and even having the nerve to bring over the new girl in our bedroom while I was away for a weekend cause I came home and she was laying there while he left to pick them up breakfast

 

4) We moved out for about two weeks now. We maintained LC over text and kept very casual. He asked if I wanted to "hang out" a few days ago.

 

5) We hung out today. We had lunch and ended up going on a hike by the local beach. Since I've been making improvements on myself, I am a little quirkier and funnier than I ever used to be and I noticed he try to mildly flirt with me. I know a lot of you would say if he doesn't say he miss me, want to get back with me, or anything of that nature then this is just all pointless. I do not intend to maintain a friendship. I truly wanted to see him today after so long as a way to REMIND MYSELF that he's NOT the same person of the snapshot my heart/mind has of him. I needed to physically experience it and also to discover for myself what the H-E-L-L he really wants from me cause he never communicated that.......Throughout our conversation, he would casually mention hanging out with "Jessica", the girl he shortly met after our breakup, and how he's so proud she recently picked up a pamphlet on how to quit drugs. He's so wrapped up in his new romance that it's strange he tries to keep information about her discreet by calling her a "friend" when clearly that's unnecessary...

 

How would you guys deal with this situation? What does his behavior reveal about his intentions toward me? I am healing more and I do NOT think he's THE ONE for me.

Edited July 7, 2013 by youngbutoldsoul
Elaborating more with details

[Simon Phoenix]

Stop wondering what they are thinking. Completely pointless.

[leafguy]

Being in this spot and seeing him likely is going to help at all. Seeing him sounds like it will prolong the pain (thats just what it would do for me anyways). Maybe you heal differently, but the fact that you said you wanted to do that to get over him has me thinking that maybe internally, there is one part of you holding out one last hope.

 

Im 27 hours into no contact and its the longest I have gone in 5 years without talking to this girl. Being the dumper she wanted LC and despite the fact she said she may not be able to not contact me, I know in my heart NC is the route for me to begin the healing process.

 

I have a feeling on my own end that the text or email is going to come and Im not sure how I am going to respond, but do yourself a favor, don`t respond to him and even listen to him about his new "friend." She is likely just a rebound. For me, the thought of being with anyone else right now

is too hard, despite my own personal issues, I've read the GIGS and it makes sense. Dont give in to seeing him or listening to him anymore.

If you want to heal and truly feel like he isnt the one for you anymore,

then go NC and dont worry about what he does.

 

One thing that Homebrew's GIGS post showed me was that the space is needed for the dumper to figure out what he/she wants and that improvements can't be made in 2 weeks by either party. You may put on the facade that you are quirkier/funnier but to me that sounds like a false hope of sorts.

 

Maybe I am wrong and it is you starting to heal. I am not sure. I wish you all the best but my own opinion is go NC and be done with the ordeal. You didnt see him for two weeks with LC, do it two with NC and see how much better you are. Least thats what I am aiming for...getting through the first week.

[youngbutoldsoul]

Being in this spot and seeing him likely is going to help at all. Seeing him sounds like it will prolong the pain (thats just what it would do for me anyways). Maybe you heal differently, but the fact that you said you wanted to do that to get over him has me thinking that maybe internally, there is one part of you holding out one last hope.

 

Im 27 hours into no contact and its the longest I have gone in 5 years without talking to this girl. Being the dumper she wanted LC and despite the fact she said she may not be able to not contact me, I know in my heart NC is the route for me to begin the healing process.

 

I have a feeling on my own end that the text or email is going to come and Im not sure how I am going to respond, but do yourself a favor, don`t respond to him and even listen to him about his new "friend." She is likely just a rebound. For me, the thought of being with anyone else right now

is too hard, despite my own personal issues, I've read the GIGS and it makes sense. Dont give in to seeing him or listening to him anymore.

If you want to heal and truly feel like he isnt the one for you anymore,

then go NC and dont worry about what he does.

 

One thing that Homebrew's GIGS post showed me was that the space is needed for the dumper to figure out what he/she wants and that improvements can't be made in 2 weeks by either party. You may put on the facade that you are quirkier/funnier but to me that sounds like a false hope of sorts.

 

Maybe I am wrong and it is you starting to heal. I am not sure. I wish you all the best but my own opinion is go NC and be done with the ordeal. You didnt see him for two weeks with LC, do it two with NC and see how much better you are. Least thats what I am aiming for...getting through the first week.

 

I gave him "space" (despite living together for 2-3 months after our breakup, we did not talk at all) and all he does is go out with this girl and have the time of his life, which made me realize he's already so accustomed to having me out of his life.

 

You are correct about the false hope. It's not necessarily the hope that he will RETURN to me but moreso him REALIZING what he threw away (my true love for him). I'm in denial of the fact that our years together seems unmatched by the how infatuated/crazy he is about this new girl.

[Simon Phoenix]

I gave him "space" (despite living together for 2-3 months after our breakup, we did not talk at all) and all he does is go out with this girl and have the time of his life, which made me realize he's already so accustomed to having me out of his life.

 

You are correct about the false hope. It's not necessarily the hope that he will RETURN to me but moreso him REALIZING what he threw away (my true love for him). I'm in denial of the fact that our years together seems unmatched by the how infatuated/crazy he is about this new girl.

 

You'd be a lot more effective staying away that you would be meeting up with him. The way you are doing it will more than likely cause you more pain that it will give him second thoughts.