pony Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 So whenever my boyfriend goes out with his friends, he always seems to have the greatest time, which is AWESOME! but I feel like when we're together, it's always boring. We do a lot of things together but it's as if he has a second life when he's with his friends. I don't want to be the type of girlfriend who will follow him everywhere and I think he should have his time with his friends, but it leaves me bummed out most of the time. Money is tight at the moment so I'm kind of sacrificing the bar scene for now. My boyfriend supports it so we stay in a lot. Even though I'm "sacrificing" it, it doesn't mean I don't want to go out from time to time, and I've told him this. He seems to always want to go out when his friends are going out but I never really get invited. When I want to go out and when I do suggest it to my boyfriend, he usually turns it down and doesn't feel like it. I fear that we'll just end up getting bored of each other and I definitely don't want that to happen! I do make plans with my own friends on a regular basis... I just miss going out and doing fun stuff like that with him (and other friends). Is this somewhat normal? Should I just settle for this? I don't know how to address this to him, I really don't want to be a drama queen and have to be all emotional to tell him this... I have a really hard time expressing these types of feelings to him (like feeling left out and stuff). I don't think he's cheating but the way that he doesn't include me when he wants to go out with his buddies makes me feel like there are people that either don't like me, or people that he doesn't want me to meet. He always tells me it's just him and a bunch of guys talking about sports...but I always find out later that girls were there too (whether they were his buddies girlfriends or just friends, I don't know)...which makes me feel even worse! Is he embarrassed by me? Could there be a girl there that he wants to flirt with and he doesn't want me to see it?? ugh! Whenever this happens, it puts me in a whirlwind of negative thoughts. It feels good to write it out...if only I could tell him all this. What could I do to feel more included in his social life? I've been a little passive aggressive about it lately...I don't know how to go about the situation.
MercuryMorrison1 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Well, I'll say this... In general when a guy go's out with his ''guy'' friends, especially if they are going to a bar, its usually to flirt with girls, I mean generally that's what guys do at bars...Get drunk and flirt with the opposite sex. Now I am by no means saying that is what's going on, its just a possibility, and some girls trust their men enough to let them go flirt, so long as nothing else ever come's of it. I don't know how you personally would feel about that, but that's for you to figure out. It does sound fishy that there are other girls there when he go's out, especially if he's not mentioning them to you, and you are learning of them from an outside source. The best thing I think you can do at this point, since there is no real evidence or wrong doing on his behalf, is to just sit down and have an adult conversation about it. Let him know that you feel left out and would like to occasionally participate when he go's out with his friends, and base your next move off of his reaction. If he gets really defensive and argumentative when you bring it up...Then you might have a serious problem on your hands. But if he remains reasonable, and act's enthusiastic about bringing you along next time, then maybe some of your fears can be squandered here. 1
buzzie2 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 First of all, what kind of friends does your boyfriend have? Because if they are players; you know what they say- that water seeks to it's own level. You can tell a lot about a guy by the friends he keeps. I definately think something is wrong if he keeps choosing to hang out with the boys instead of you. I would stop being nice about the situation and confront him, and let him know that you will not be tolerating this anymore. Tell him that YOU have other important things to be doing and friends to be seeing and won't be waiting around for him to get his priorities straight. He should change his tune hopefully, and if not you know you can do better than him.
white Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Have to disagree with other posters here. Hanging out at the pub is how most men socialise with their friends a lot of the time. If their wives/girlfriends come along that's fine. Other women don't play a part. Some men, particularly if you're younger, might resent their girlfriends trying to horn in on their buddy time. It can be a barrier they don't want to lower. I felt that way a lot in the past. I love you but you're not interfering with my friends, etc. I actually lost a woman I was fond of some years ago after telling her to leave the house when my friends came round for a birthday party (one of theirs) that we really intended to be blokes only, beer, pizza, tasteless anecdotes, pausing the TV on exposed tits etc. She'd known it was that evening and we didn't want her there and turned up unannounced hours beforehand anyway. While I don't regret it, I wouldn't do it today - she could stay and watch us all be loud and loutish until she left in disgust anyway. Anyway I digress. Don't be so fast to assume he wants to flirt. He may just want time with his mates at the bar. Don't you think his friends' partners might have a problem with him coming out to pull when they know he's left you at home? 1
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