John316C Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I'm a really shy guy, but also highly attractive. I don't talk to anyone because I'm so shy. It's extreme shyness. I look like a really attractive bad boy/model, but I'm a painfully shy person. I'm 27. I'm so shy I can't hold eye contact with anyone. (I grew up with a high level of child abuse, I think probably because I feared looking into my mother and fathers eyes... I have a fear of people in general).
hoping2heal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Tbh, They probably just think you're not interested in them. Have you been in a relationship before? 1
Author John316C Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Tbh, They probably just think you're not interested in them. Have you been in a relationship before? No, I've never been in a relationship before.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I would think that you are out of my league and that your shyness is really a lack of interest.
Archgirl Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I'm a really shy guy, but also highly attractive. I don't talk to anyone because I'm so shy. It's extreme shyness. I look like a really attractive bad boy/model, but I'm a painfully shy person. I'm 27. I'm so shy I can't hold eye contact with anyone. (I grew up with a high level of child abuse, I think probably because I feared looking into my mother and fathers eyes... I have a fear of people in general). Pics or GTFO But babe it sounds like maybe the shyness is a symptom of the real problem. That you are not naturally reserved but feel you will not be recieved well by others, that you don't have the same understanding of the world as everyone else and/or that you lack a strong sense of self/self-worth. I'm so sorry. My upbringing wasn't very great either. I will battle for the rest of my life not to be defined by it. Maybe read about others experiences in the archives of the abuse section? I think feeling less unique in your experience can help feel like less of an alien. Have you ever received counselling? 3
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Yeah, you might just want to go and talk to a social worker or a counselor or something. I can be a bit shy, but not for long. Once I have someone's attention it's like everything just falls into place.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I would think that you are out of my league and that your shyness is really a lack of interest. Out of one's league? Psh. 1
paigej91 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I'm a really shy guy, but also highly attractive. I don't talk to anyone because I'm so shy. It's extreme shyness. I look like a really attractive bad boy/model, but I'm a painfully shy person. I'm 27. I'm so shy I can't hold eye contact with anyone. (I grew up with a high level of child abuse, I think probably because I feared looking into my mother and fathers eyes... I have a fear of people in general). Picture or it's not true . I can't picture a shy person simultaneously giving off a "bad boy" vibe since that "look" is mostly in the demeanor. I'd say they probably don't notice you. They could very well be interested in you though if you showed interest. It's a numbers game with dating. A very attractive woman would probably be relieved to meet a shy guy since they probably get confident men throwing themselves at her all the time
bac Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I'm a really shy guy, but also highly attractive. I don't talk to anyone because I'm so shy. It's extreme shyness. I look like a really attractive bad boy/model, but I'm a painfully shy person. I'm 27. I'm so shy I can't hold eye contact with anyone. (I grew up with a high level of child abuse, I think probably because I feared looking into my mother and fathers eyes... I have a fear of people in general). Truthfully, they typically think of how much money the shy guys make. But, you have social anxiety. That means you do not make enough money to attact girls.
KathyM Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 A lot of people suffer from Social Phobia, some more than others. It can be very debilitating for some, where they have trouble even leaving their house without having panic attacks. This is a treatable thing, however, and usually involves a combination of medication therapy (antidepressant), relaxation exercises, and exposure therapy where you are gradually exposed to greater and greater contact with women until your fear is eased. Therapy also usually involves helping you to better understand your fears and to recognize the threat you perceive to your self esteem is greatly exaggerated. Therapy is the way to overcome this, since your fears sound like they are greatly affecting you. 1
ThanhL Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 They would probably think you are not interested in them if they just met you and didnt know you are a shy person; the worse is they would think you are boring because you had nothing to talk about. I can understand this feeling because Im also a shy and quiet person. But once I have someone's attention, I feel more comfortable to talk. It really helped when I worked as a life insurance agent few years ago. Now, since I dont go out to meet people much and work from home, my shyness and quietness seems to have gained. Whats I'm doing to help myself is applying for another job where i can work with other people; joining some activities groups and making new friends (online and in person). But maybe in your case I guess you need a professional counselling.
white Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Women will think a few things depending on who they are and exactly how your shyness is coming off to them. They most likely ignore you as a person. They may think you're not interested in them or women at all. They may think you're busy and should be left alone. They may think you're actually being hostile to them. It'll just destroy your chances with women, as you've found. You are a great example of the reality about attractiveness that people seem to worry so much about. Despite your hotness, you're completely bereft of female attention because you're shy and thus appear to lack charm. There are people on this board who would swear blind that as a hot man you must surely be able to simply pluck the finest women from the air around you, where they hover permanently waiting for your attention. You've found that looks are not the passport to success people think. Good news though; they do help, and you'll find that once you fix your shyness. 1
nescafe1982 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I'll echo the others here by saying you should get yourself into a therapy setting to address your shyness/social phobia. If you're 27 and have not had a romantic relationship, I venture this insecurity is affecting more aspects of your life as well. Why live with this kind of crippling disability? If you're not careful you will become a slave to your past. If I were at a coffee shop and saw an Adonis sipping a latte while look dour with downcast eyes, "shy" might not be my first reaction: I might mistake him for anti-social or even hostile and pointedly avoid him. Indeed, shyness is often mistaken for aggression, which is a terrible thing to overcome because shy people can find themselves subtly shunned in social situations. Anyway, if you're a gorgeous man (and I'll bite and say that you are), don't waste any time! Get into therapy, "get right" with yourself, and get out there! You've waited long enough, eh? 1
hppr Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Since most men grossly over-rate their attractiveness ...something that women never do lol. If this guy really is attractive then shyness wouldn't be a problem. Girls will come up and talk to you so really all you have to do is be friendly. However if your shyness is to the point that you run away when they smile at you I can see that as being very debilitating. Not just with women but with your job and life in general.
PinkSapphire Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I would assume you weren't interested, or weren't looking (in a relationship or currently chasing a particular chick). I was at a party once, and had been working at overcoming my own social anxieties so was practicing talking to strangers. I found one easy target who was glued to his phone, so I went over to him and made a couple of jokes about how "interesting" his phone was and some such (things I'd said before that worked on other people). Well, he continued to ignore me, only looking at me occasionally. I finally gave up, thinking he either didn't want to talk to anyone or just found me particularly uninteresting (I leaned toward the latter; I do not lack for male attention but understand that not everyone I approach will be interested). Perhaps he is just shy, but I didn't try any longer. Would just be a waste of my time. If this is how you are coming across, as others have said you will just give off the 'uninterested' vibe, and women will flee. I don't care how "good-looking" a dude is, if he isn't interested in at least being friendly for a conversation at a boring party then certainly I have nothing else to say to him. No hard feelings, just move on. And btw, practicing talking to strangers has completely erased my social anxieties and shyness. If yours isn't too terrible, you could practice having a conversation or two with a stranger a week (who cares if it goes over terribly? You won't see them again). The more you do this, the better you become. Or, seek therapy if it is very bad. Either way, it is so helpful to get over this; the rewards are so amazing!
Esoteric Elf Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I'm a really shy guy, but also highly attractive. I don't talk to anyone because I'm so shy. It's extreme shyness. I look like a really attractive bad boy/model, but I'm a painfully shy person. I'm 27. I'm so shy I can't hold eye contact with anyone. (I grew up with a high level of child abuse, I think probably because I feared looking into my mother and fathers eyes... I have a fear of people in general). Well, excluding the good-looking bit, I am similar to you in that I am painfully shy. You're my senior by four years, but, again, we are similar in that neither of us have been in a relationship. We were born in a fairly awkward time. This Feminism movement has taken hold as of not long ago, and people are still adjusting to find what gender should do what. That being said, girls will still not approach you, definitely more so than 30 years ago, but not to an appreciable extent, especially not shy guys. The undertone that all posts I have read on the subject of shy guys obtaining girls have shared is that in order for a shy guy to get a girl, he needs not to be shy. You will have to change this shyness if you want a girl. 1
Phantom888 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 I'm a really shy guy, but also highly attractive. I don't talk to anyone because I'm so shy. It's extreme shyness. I look like a really attractive bad boy/model, but I'm a painfully shy person. I'm 27. I'm so shy I can't hold eye contact with anyone. (I grew up with a high level of child abuse, I think probably because I feared looking into my mother and fathers eyes... I have a fear of people in general). Go get professional help to resolve the scars of early abuse. That will help clear up your issues, and hopefully give you confidence. Shyness goes away when you are confident.
Wunlov3 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 OP, I'm also painfully shy. I thought things would be different when I went to University, but nope, at 26 I'm still the same shy guy. This is your thread so I won't lay out all the details of what happened in my childhood. There are are certain things I use to "cope", but I still fail each time when it comes to eye contact. Now back to the topic at hand. Growing up, I received a lot of attention from girls(still do) and didn't really know how to handle it since I was shy. Even from girls who I thought were way out of my league. Most of them thought I was either not interested or gay. The other day a friend of mine told me that I'm wasting away because I don't go to clubs/bars etc. with them. They just want to use me as an accessory to get women/laid.
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