bson1257 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 If I ever tried online dating and someone I knew saw my profile I would be very embarrassed. How do people use online dating without being embarrassed when people you know find out? 4
paigej91 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 (edited) If I ever tried online dating and someone I knew saw my profile I would be very embarrassed. How do people use online dating without being embarrassed when people you know find out? This actually happened to me, and he contacted me too LOL. In my case, at least it was mutually embarrassing. I understand your concerns though. I deleted my account after I came to the realization that if I ever started dating someone online, I would feel forced to lie about how we met because I'd feel so ashamed/embarrassed. I personally wouldn't judge anyone for it, but I would care about the silent judgement I'd receive from friends and family. Edited July 7, 2013 by paigej91 3
hoping2heal Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I get what you're saying but I think by now the social stigma of "online dating" really has dissipated quite a bit. Meeting someone online I'm sure is still hokey to some people but you've got celebrities doing it, successful people doing it, etc. I think it's just not taboo the way it once was. Granted, I think which site you're found on can make you look more or less credible. But hey, if the person who knows you is on there then they aren't any better lol.
BradJacobs Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 If I ever tried online dating and someone I knew saw my profile I would be very embarrassed. How do people use online dating without being embarrassed when people you know find out? Why be embarrassed? If they saw you on the online dating site that means they are on that as well. Or is it the fear that they might think you should be interested in them solely because you're on an online dating site? 2
shexy Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Why is it embarrassing? It's 2013 - it's not like online dating is some kind of new, taboo, horrible, disgusting thing. Unless you're trolling for jailbait, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. 1
Brunettie Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 why be embarrassed? like some else said, they're on there too, so...no need to be embarrassed.
MrCastle Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I don't know if the stigma will ever fully go away. With the amount of users every site has, you'd think one person would tell me they've used it by now. When I mention having used okcupid to no avail, people still say "what is okcupid?" 1
D-Lish Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I don't know why anyone would be embarrassed about online dating. There was a time where every single person I knew was doing it. So many of my friend's are with someone now that they met online. For a long while I worked in an industry that was mostly women and gay men- so meeting men was impossible and I wasn't into the bar scene. 1
sdraw108 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 If I ever tried online dating and someone I knew saw my profile I would be very embarrassed. How do people use online dating without being embarrassed when people you know find out? I read somewhere the other day that 20% of relationships start out online now. I don't know how accurate that is (and I've been unable to find the source since), but I do know that it's fairly common among the people I've come across in recent years. I have two friends who are are dating girls they met online. I've used online dating myself on and off for about 6 years, and it's worked well for me - I've made one long term friend, one LTR, and right now some early stage dating which has been going really well so far. My point is, I don't see any reason to feel embarrassed about it. 10 years ago I would agree as it was seen by many as something that only desperate / undesirable people did (an unfair assessment), but in the last few years it's become "socially acceptable".
sdraw108 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Also, most sites let you have a hidden profile and/or photos, which you can then choose to expose to specific people. This will mean you'll have to put in a lot more effort, as nobody will find or contact you - you'll have to use the search feature and contact people you're interested in (and remember to expose your profile to them).
nescafe1982 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Online dating is the norm now, and frankly people who meet online are more likely to develop into LTRs and marriage than people who meet otherwise! Of course, there is the risk of being seen there; I'm a professor and was terrified when I joined OKC that a student would find my profile. I just kept my profile very G-rated and everything was fine. Men who also found my profile: a colleague from my office (who is marrying the woman he met there), my neighbor (who has also married someone he met on OKC), and my uncle (who is still looking; that was a little awkward). Part of the beauty of the online dating scene is that you raise your visibility in the dating scene exponentially. Dating is a numbers game in the early stages... if you are discovered by someone you know, it's a sign you are doing something right!
FitChick Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I have no problem saying I do online dating but I never reveal which site I'm on.
irc333 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 This actually happened to me, and he contacted me too LOL. In my case, at least it was mutually embarrassing. I understand your concerns though. I deleted my account after I came to the realization that if I ever started dating someone online, I would feel forced to lie about how we met because I'd feel so ashamed/embarrassed. I personally wouldn't judge anyone for it, but I would care about the silent judgement I'd receive from friends and family. This is something someone would've been embarrassed about in the early 2000's...now that it's being advertised on national television and more common than ever...there's no reason to concern yourself. I've even seen people from the Meetup groups on local dating sites, goes to show that there's a finite amount of single people out there.
Star Gazer Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 A third of new marriages are relationships that began on line. Why be embarrassed? That's just silly!
Sunshine87 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I think OLD is pretty common in certain parts of the world and/or among certain races. It's not common among my black friends, acquaintances and I. I think people don't want to "appear" like they are trying too hard to find love. I guess it make them hypocrites in a way because do want to find love, but don't want to make it obvious that they are looking. For me, when I hear that a MAN is OLD, a few things cross my mind : A) He is either very busy and so doesn't have time to socialise much B) He doesn't have much success with women in person/ real life and so wants to increase his chances of finding someone. C) He is just doing it for the fun of it. Truth is OLD addresses a problem common amongst people in this generation. A lot of people are busy and don't have much time to socialise. But it has also been abused! Ultimately ive read of many people who met their spouses on line! So people are making headway with it
phineas Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 1. if they see you on the site then you have to ask, what are they doing there? 2. as long as you have a respectable profile you got nothing to be ashamed about. those people who just rant on their profiles or have a laundry list of deal breakers just make themselves look crazy.
soccerrprp Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 (edited) I see people doing some crazy, unsafe, silly, dumb things with their twitter, FB accounts all the time. Do you have a FB account? Why? And if you're one of those people who post every single detail of your life on it or use it to find dates, so? Is this acceptable? There are a lot more people doing silly things with their FB or other social-networking accounts and see nothing wrong with it. Why OLD? OLD is a norm now days in the dating world. People with nothing to hide and use it b/c it is much more convenient than going to bars or hooking up at some contrived "group" function use it to their advantage. Embarrassed? What for? It just seems silly to be embarrassed about it. I found a couple of co-workers online and actually contacted them (not to date). We laughed, we commiserated and we continued on....we even talk about it in person from time to time. It's just another, more modern, approach to dating, that's all. Edited July 7, 2013 by soccerrprp 1
JustJana Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 You are no spring chicken either and to a degree what you said makes a lot of sense when older. However... Nobody would every expect the Prom Queen or King to have to resort to online dating. I can't imagine a teenager or someone in their 20s having to do it either. If you have a heartbeat, leave your house and can put complete sentences together... You should able to get a date when you are that age. If not, the problem is all you. I was the prom queen & head cheerleader. I "resorted" to OLD at 22 because I didn't want to hang out in bars, most of my activites were the gym or female focused & certainly didn't want an office romance. That's how I met my ex, we were together for 4 years before we ended things but that had nothing to do with how we met. It's something almost everyone does & I never lied about it, nor do I know anyone who does lie. The stigma is gone.
grkBoy Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Meh. Do OLD if you want and don't worry if friends or coworkers find out. I only criticize OLD due to my own past experiences. I still would not tell someone to rule it out as an option. I notice the people who vehemently say "online dating is for losers" either are the very few who find quality attractive mates easily...or the majority who are chronically single, complain how there are "no good people" out there, but continue to hit up the usual paths that bring them bad people. Do your thing. When you're cutting your wedding cake the haters can sit there continually claiming OLD is for "losers" while still avoiding the hard reality of their singledom.
LittleTiger Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I'm very happy to tell people that I met my fiancé online. If it hadn't been for online dating we would never have met - he's a kiwi and I'm English - so I'm forever telling people to give it a go. Being lonely and 'advertising' online that you're looking for love is nothing to be embarrassed about. It's human nature to want a partner and, in my eyes, dating without going online is a bit like cutting your grass with shears or a scythe! Why do things the hard way when incredibly efficient lawnmowers have been invented.
salparadise Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 (edited) When you're cutting your wedding cake the haters can sit there continually claiming OLD is for "losers" while still avoiding the hard reality of their singledom. Yes, the stigma is long since gone and it's the whiners who can't get a date online or otherwise that are making all the noise, because it pisses them off - makes them have to deal with their failings, when they see lots of other people having success. The thing that amazes me though, is how willing people are to answer extremely personal questions about sexuality on OKC given that people they may know can see it all! I went to take pics of my daughter and her date before her prom this year. So it turns out that the boy's mother was there to take pics too and is someone I had seen and even communicated with briefly on OKC, and she is friends with my ex as well. She was obviously embarrassed and couldn't hardly look at me, presumably because she realized that I know she likes anal, loves her toys, loves sucking dick, has rape fantasies, orgasms "anytime the wind picks up," wants sex every day, and can't go more than a day or two without masturbating! It sure was fun looking her in the eye and smiling like a hyena. She wasted no time in blocking me. Of course what she doesn't know is that I have a second profile for browsing anonymously. She's definitely a hot little number but I guess the chances with her are now slim to none. I can't wait to run into her again so I can smile knowingly. Edited July 7, 2013 by salparadise
paigej91 Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 This is something someone would've been embarrassed about in the early 2000's...now that it's being advertised on national television and more common than ever...there's no reason to concern yourself. I've even seen people from the Meetup groups on local dating sites, goes to show that there's a finite amount of single people out there. Again, I personally have nothing against it and I wouldn't judge anyone for it, but I know there would be silent judgement from some people I associate with. Maybe I shouldn't care what my friends and family think of my SO, but I do. 1
RogerWallace111 Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Again, I personally have nothing against it and I wouldn't judge anyone for it, but I know there would be silent judgement from some people I associate with. Maybe I shouldn't care what my friends and family think of my SO, but I do. This is how I feel too. I wouldn't mind having one just to meet some new girls from time to time and do some casual dating. But the month or so stint when I once did ended with me coming to the same, slightly self-conscious conclusion- I felt like I'd be judged for having one or getting into a relationship out of it. I don't know why exactly... OLD still just seems kind of corny, or hokey as someone said. Analogy for me might be: One wants to be a pop star but finds American Idol super cheesy and would be kind of ashamed to be on it- even though for all practical purposes, it might be the route to take. Said person forgoes the TV option to make it by building up a "real" life following playing shows and meeting people. Saves mild embarrassment but must now accept the hurdles and wait that come with it.
Chief Wiggum Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 The OP is gagging to join an online dating site. This thread is just to make him feel better.
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