Sheandme82 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Hi all. Here is my pretty complicated situation. My ex and I were together for 3yrs when things between us started to sizzle out. Everything became a routine which eventually led to our breakup. The breakup was completely my decision which I regretted. I tried to get back with her but she no longer trusted me with her heart. We remained friends and both still loved each other however no one made any moves. In my mind I just always knew we would get back together. Fast forward a few months she is starting to date someone new. The funny thing is I had a dream about it and when I asked her she said she was. When she told me that my whole world crumbled. I am still in love with her. I know most would say I'm wrong for this but I am now fighting for us. Yes I could have done this before and yes seeing her with someone new drove me here but I am here. We talk everyday and she has said that she is open to the idea of seeing what happens with us. She admits she still loves me, we kiss, hold hands, say I love you BUT she is still dating this guy. She is very open and honest with me and she has basically given up on her happiness. This guy came into the picture when she was at a point when she stopped believing in love. So she doesn't trust me and she doesn't really want him either but is seeing if she can be with him long term. I try not to have an opinion on their thing but she wasn't that way with me. She was excited about us. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to prove to her that me fighting for this is real. I want her to know that I won't abandon her again. I feel that if I simply give up because things aren't moving as fast or when I want them to then she won't believe it is all real. However when she goes out with him it kills me. He doesn't know about me. I love her. Period. But I don't want to get hurt. I'm dating someone who is honest about dating someone else. How do I assure her I'm here for the long haul? How do I regain her trust? Or do I back off and let her make a decision?
SimonSerenade Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I think this is a situation where you have to do both, on one hand you left her and that would of messed her up real bad, you only have to read some of the stories on this website to understand how somebody who gets dumped feels about it, it's understandable that she would feel that way, right now you have to swallow your pride and prove your worth to her again, prove your not going to leave her in a mess again but on the other hand you have to take a step back and let her make her own decisions, this sounds like a go slow sort of situation, be available to her but don't put your life on hold, spend some time with her and regain some of what she lost when you walked away, it's a slow process but in the end it reaps big rewards, I know it hurts to see her with another guy but that's the risk you take when you walk away, your going to have to grit your teeth and be understanding on this, if the love is there, don't give up on it, give it your best shot, at least then you can walk away from her saying you did all you could if it doesn't work out, there's no shame in that.
Author Sheandme82 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I'm taking your advice and giving her space to decide. At first I was really aggressive in trying to prove to her how much I love her, however now ill just leave the ball in her court. We had a nice talk last night and she told me that she was really confused. However, knew she needed to make a decision. She assured me that she would never lead me on and would let me know as soon as she gets clarity. She hasn't lied to me during this entire process so I have no reason to suspect she is lying to me. Last night she initiated renting a movie and we watched it together. I'm trying not to read into things too much and give her the space and time she needs....it's just really hard.
BC1980 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I can give you advice from a woman's perspective. I was with a man for 3 yrs. who dumped me after buying me an engagement ring. After some months, he has started contacting me again. I let him initiate everything. Even if he wanted to get back together, I don't know that I can trust him. I keep thinking about this. If it ever comes to him asking me to try again, I don't even know if I want that. I'm saying that it's so difficult to earn trust back once you have broken it. Words mean nothing essentially. I would have given anything for him to come back a few months ago, but, now, I'm living my life. It seems foolish to go back to a person who dumped me right? To get hurt all over again. That is what your ex is feeling. How could she ever trust you again? It would take many months for me to trust this guy. Sometimes, you just have to take it as a lesson learned, and sometimes things don't work out. It's just life. We make the decisions we make at the time, and there's nothing wrong with that. However, there are long term consequences. We just have to accept that. Only time will tell with our situations.
Author Sheandme82 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Thanks for the reply. I do understand that it is hard for her. The fact that she is open to it and is giving it some thought gives me hope. I understand words mean nothing so I'm attempting as much as I can to show her with my actions. She was open to going out of town with me for the 4th and it felt like old times again. What it all boils down to is that I'm scared that I'm doing all this and she will choose him in the end. At times she is hard to read so I'm not sure where she is on her decision. I assured her that I'm not rushing her to make one, but I don't want this to go on for months. I've just never been in a situation where I've had to fight to win someone back so I'm trying to figure out what to do and what not to do.
SimonSerenade Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Right now she needs to know it isn't going to be the same relationship she's going back to, she needs to feel confident and secure it's going to be fresh and full of sunshine and daisies and all that stuff, don't pressure her in to anything but hang in there, right now she could be testing the waters to see if you stick it out and wait for her, you owe her that much, enjoy your time with her, reconnect with her on a intimate level again, eventually you'll rebuild the trust and the qualities she fell for in the first place, it might be a long drawn out process but if you love her then that's just something you do when your in love.
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