jessi34 Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 I'm new to dating and inexperienced. I have about one year in which I barely began to text and go out on dates with guys. This year I've dated about 5 guys. However my problem is that they usually stop talking/texting to me after 2 months! I don't know what I'm doing/ or not doing that chases them away? I included what happened with each one, any advice/tips/conclusions are greatly appreciated The first guy we texted/called nonstop all day for about one month and when we hanged out I could tell he really liked me. But then after one month he had to move state for his training because he is in the military. So we continued talking and he came back to visit me once. However after the second month we were talking, his texting diminished drastically and he wouldn't call anymore. So I took it as it was over and I coped with it pretty good. He had also expressed to me before how it was hard not seeing each other, so I think distance was the problem here. We also never kissed, because I didn't want to since I hadn't had my first kiss so I avoided it and never told him. And it seemed to early for that in the moment. This lasted 2 months. The second guy I texted/talked with was for about 2 months as well. We actually never really dated and just hanged out as friends, but we were both attracted to each other. He will always text me everyday until the last week in the second month that he slowly stopped. We never really got to see each other anyways so it didn't affect me as much although I did like him. So our texting/talking stopped. Then I saw him at a mutual friend's house about 2 weeks later, and he asked me why I had stopped texting him. In my mind I was thinking it was him lol but whatever I wasn't into him by then anymore. One month later I began seeing guy number 3. This guy was 3 years older than me and waaaaay more experienced. So things went by pretty fast with him. After one month of dating we kissed "WOHOOO I finally had my first kiss!" LOL, and he told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I obviously didn't know how to react so I didn't really told him anything back. In the last week of the second month he started asking me "what are we?" blah blah blah. So we ended up meeting at his apartment and talked about it and we declared it official or whatever that we are bf/gf. So after that we watched a movie and made out. He wanted to have sex but he respected that I wasn't ready and that he will wait. The next morning I sent him a "good morning" text and he didn't reply until 3 hours later. We basically didn't text that day because he would take 6-7 hours to respond. The next day I texted him again and didn't respond, and I knew something was wrong! So I called him and as I thought "he was confused" and wasn't sure about giving sex up if he continued being with me. We talked this in person and decided it was best to stay just friends. It did affect me because I realized that after 3 guys, I hadn't gotten anywhere. I ended up meeting another guy pretty quick so I got over really fast from guy 3. With guy 4 I really liked him, but he didn't really seem to be interested in "dating". He would text me everyday at all times but I would get mad cause we never saw each other. So I distanced myself a little from the texting and he got mad. We kissed about 2 times. After about the second month mark, he stopped texting me. It was a little hard for me cause I saw the pattern of 2 months going on with all the guys in which they cut communication. Now I'm currently with guy 5 who is inexperienced as well. Surprisingly we already have 3 months of dating. However things seem to be going nowhere with him. We really like each other and know its mutual. However we don't get to see each other because its summer right now and I'm back home. But I really want to keep talking/ dating with him. I'm just scared he will stop contact all of a sudden like the other guys. Thank you for reading
white Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 The biggest thing I have come to learn about relationships as I've grown older, something that should have been explained when I was a teen, is that they require work. Serious work, like a job. If you want to have a serious and lasting relationship, you have to set aside lots of time, you have to suspend other things you may wish to do, you have to make plans, you have to communicate. If you do not enable yourselves to be with each other you will, de facto, not be with each other, no matter how much you wish it. This will still be the case if you move in together, or marry, or have children. It's the case forever. You seem to have a problem devoting the time and organisation to your relationships they need in order to blossom. You can't schedule becoming part of another persons life into tiny periods around a pile of other things you've got going on. They're going to be upset and force themselves to move on. It takes more than deciding you want a partner for yourself and attempting to do so despite devoting no time or effort to it. That is selfish to the people you want to date. If you can not make the time and commit the effort it's better to forget the idea until you are in a position to do it justice. 1
MrCastle Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I'm 25 and feel no pressure at all. A few people I know who were in LTRs and teasing the idea of getting married have broken up. Most people I know are single now. I always thought 35 would be a nice age to settle down in, but if it doesn't happen by then, I won't care. Rather get married when I believe it's time (as of right now I do not believe in marriage but that can change) than cave under society's pressures, marry the wrong person, and end up with a failed marriage.
white Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I think MrCastle has mis-posted a response to another thread about marriage. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 The biggest thing I have come to learn about relationships as I've grown older, something that should have been explained when I was a teen, is that they require work. Serious work, like a job. If you want to have a serious and lasting relationship, you have to set aside lots of time, you have to suspend other things you may wish to do, you have to make plans, you have to communicate. If you do not enable yourselves to be with each other you will, de facto, not be with each other, no matter how much you wish it. This will still be the case if you move in together, or marry, or have children. It's the case forever. The bolded is exactly why I don't like being in a relationship Doing the hard work is suffocating for me. I am yet to meet a person that inspires me to make all these sacrifices. My only reason to be in a relationship would be to stop people asking me "Why are you single? What's wrong with you?". Personally, I want the fun and passion part only. 2
Author jessi34 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 So I guess what's happening to me is something normal part of dating ?
white Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 No. A normal part would be moving past 2 months, if moving past 2 months is important to you, which it is, since you posted this thread. What you've got is an outcome you can fully expect to happen with the problems of distance and schedule you have. If you want to fix it, date men closer to you, who aren't off on military deployment or 6 month sabbaticals to Borneo, clear your schedule and arrange actual dates - going somewhere - every week and work up to meeting more often, meet in person to talk things over instead of texting, and to be honest from the sounds of it, you'd do well letting your libido loose a little sooner. You don't have to wait months for a kiss. Kiss him on day one. Grab his ass the next time you meet. He won't be so fast to disappear after that.
MrCastle Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I think MrCastle has mis-posted a response to another thread about marriage. Certainly did. Wow. How did that happen? My apologies OP. That post was for a different thread. Ignore it.
irc333 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 (edited) The bolded is exactly why I don't like being in a relationship Doing the hard work is suffocating for me. I am yet to meet a person that inspires me to make all these sacrifices. My only reason to be in a relationship would be to stop people asking me "Why are you single? What's wrong with you?". Personally, I want the fun and passion part only. Not sure what's so hard about it....I mean it's not like a marriage. lol......Maybe its easy for someone to give up "Girls Night Out" to spend time with your special someone for a change? *shrug* Who knows, right? Where I live, since I became the only single man in the area (amongst my "used to be Single" friends)...they've pretty much disapeared of the planet sociall.y....with an occasional Facebook chat, but thats it. They're always doing something with their sig other. THis woman at work that works behind the front desk, I asked her what her plans this 4th of July were are....and she said "Nothin', just me and my boyfriend chillin out at home" Nothin' hard about that, right? lol Edited July 7, 2013 by irc333
Recommended Posts