212 Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 I Was in a relationship for 4 years.. In which I treated him extremely bad I was emotionally and physically abusive. Yet he stayed with me for so long till he broke up with me 9 months ago, were we had no contact for months to keeping in contact and continued to hook up, off and on. I did'nt take the break up well.. I went binge drinking nearly every weekend embarresing myself, kissing guys and recently having a one night stand. I have made the biggest mistake of my life. He has not kissed anyone or moved on and even though he wont say it but I know he still loves me.. And if he found out I kissed many guys and slept with someone he would want nothing to do with me ever again. Not only have I treated him horribly, it took me till now to realize what an amazing guy he really is.. He is my best friend and the only person that encourages me to make the right decisions in life or the only one that I truly trust or have.. And I've completely taken him for granted from day one. and it took me 4 years and 9 months to realize this. I Am a monster and I deserve to burn in hell. He is an Angel that i never deserved. He did nothing to deserve this. Do I tell him what i've done (this would break his heart) or do I tell him that we cant keep in contact? (And leave him alone for good)
athousandquestions Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 How old are you?? I know you're really beating yourself up right now but he dumped you. You're NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP with this guy. You can do whatever you want. If he didn't want you to be with other people, he shouldn't have left you. I think you should leave him alone. He doesn't know about the other guys and STILL he doesn't want to be with you. You need to realize that: This guy does not 'love' you the way you think, or he still would've been in a relationship with you. Sorry. I do not think you should tell him. I think you need to go NC so that you both can heal and move on. You need time apart.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 How old are you?? I know you're really beating yourself up right now but he dumped you. You're NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP with this guy. You can do whatever you want. If he didn't want you to be with other people, he shouldn't have left you. I think you should leave him alone. He doesn't know about the other guys and STILL he doesn't want to be with you. You need to realize that: This guy does not 'love' you the way you think, or he still would've been in a relationship with you. Sorry. I do not think you should tell him. I think you need to go NC so that you both can heal and move on. You need time apart. That's a load of bull****. You can love someone and yet have enough self-worth to get out of a toxic, abusive relationship. Do not excuse her actions. You don't know whether or not he loves her and if you think you know 100% certainly then you really don't have any empathy. 3
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I Was in a relationship for 4 years.. In which I treated him extremely bad I was emotionally and physically abusive. Yet he stayed with me for so long till he broke up with me 9 months ago, were we had no contact for months to keeping in contact and continued to hook up, off and on. I did'nt take the break up well.. I went binge drinking nearly every weekend embarresing myself, kissing guys and recently having a one night stand. I have made the biggest mistake of my life. He has not kissed anyone or moved on and even though he wont say it but I know he still loves me.. And if he found out I kissed many guys and slept with someone he would want nothing to do with me ever again. Not only have I treated him horribly, it took me till now to realize what an amazing guy he really is.. He is my best friend and the only person that encourages me to make the right decisions in life or the only one that I truly trust or have.. And I've completely taken him for granted from day one. and it took me 4 years and 9 months to realize this. I Am a monster and I deserve to burn in hell. He is an Angel that i never deserved. He did nothing to deserve this. Do I tell him what i've done (this would break his heart) or do I tell him that we cant keep in contact? (And leave him alone for good) You did him wrong. He probably just finally realized his own health is not worth giving 100% to a person that only takes from him. Not to say you're an evil person, but really you can't expect anything right now. You'd do well to start working on yourself so that you are healthy and that the next time you meet someone you don't use and abuse them.
athousandquestions Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 That's a load of bull****. You can love someone and yet have enough self-worth to get out of a toxic, abusive relationship. Do not excuse her actions. You don't know whether or not he loves her and if you think you know 100% certainly then you really don't have any empathy. That's true, I didn't pay attention to the abusive part. But he removed himself from the relationship and yet is still 'with' her. And it sounds like her behavior didn't change, she was still being abusive even when they were broken up. Even if he does love her though, they aren't in a relationship, so she can technically do whatever she wants, but that doesn't MORALLY make it okay. I think she should just leave him alone. It's good that she realized she has been unfair and made a mistake, but she did also hook up with someone else. If this whole time while they've been broken up she has been treating him exactly the same as she has when they were together, she really hasn't grown or learned much from her mistake. I think they should spend a significant amount of time apart in which she can LEARN how to treat him better and NOT be abusive, and he can heal. 1
athousandquestions Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Are you kidding me right now? Are you seriously advocating staying in an abusive relationship for "love", because that's exactly what it sounds like... Nooo I totally overlooked the abuse part!!! I'm going to go back and edit it right now.
supaflyz Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 He took 4 years. I'm surprise he didn't leave sooner. I know how you are feeling though with the binge drinking. I kind of did the same thing but quit now. All I can tell you is if you still really love him then why not write a letter or call him to ask him to meet up?
Simon Phoenix Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Leave this guy alone and continue to figure out why you turn abusive. But leave the poor dude alone, you've put him through enough. 1
SimonSerenade Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 The first step is admiting it, the second step should be understanding why you would treat somebody that way, the third step should be seeking professional help for it and the fourth step should be apologising to this man and seeing what comes of it, if nothing else it would probably mean a lot to him to hear some remorse on your part, I don't condone what you did, frankly it's disgusting and nobody should be treated that way especially if he's as nice of a guy as you say he is, you messed up with the guy, if your going to go back to him, you have to be honest and you have to be patient with him, chances are he won't take you back with arms wide open but if you put the effort in you could make anything work, if he doesn't want you back well that's just a chance you have to take and you'll have to learn from your mistakes and move on, find yourself another nice guy and don't mess that one up!. 1
Hoaks Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Do you still love him? Do you want to be with him? He sounds more like the dumpee in this situation. If you truly believe that you would like another chance with him, tell him exactly how you feel, like you did here. No need to tell him about other guys, you are apart. Sounds like the poor guy had not choice but to leave you. Most people on here would love to hear all of that from their ex. But if you have no intention of being with him again, then yes leave him alone. I had no choice but to leave my using abusive girl. But in 9 months if she came to me with all that, then I would consider talking things through with her. Mine is still raw though so not sure how I would feel in 9 months. But I certainly would not like to know how many guys she had been seeing.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 That's true, I didn't pay attention to the abusive part. But he removed himself from the relationship and yet is still 'with' her. And it sounds like her behavior didn't change, she was still being abusive even when they were broken up. Even if he does love her though, they aren't in a relationship, so she can technically do whatever she wants, but that doesn't MORALLY make it okay. I think she should just leave him alone. It's good that she realized she has been unfair and made a mistake, but she did also hook up with someone else. If this whole time while they've been broken up she has been treating him exactly the same as she has when they were together, she really hasn't grown or learned much from her mistake. I think they should spend a significant amount of time apart in which she can LEARN how to treat him better and NOT be abusive, and he can heal. Wasn't disagreeing with you there. If they're split up she can do whatever she wants. Yeah, she probably should just leave him be. He's probably suffered enough and she can't heal herself if she doesn't take time to do so. Going out and flirting or sleeping with other people wont solve it.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Are you kidding me right now? Are you seriously advocating staying in an abusive relationship for "love", because that's exactly what it sounds like... Love your name by the way. 1
Woggle Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I think it's best if you leave him alone. Use it as a learning experience and don't make the same mistake in future relationships. 1
forgetmenot75 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 He is an angel?? :S no one is an angel He must be as emotionally "sick" as you to have endured 4 years of abuse. My advice for you s to seek immediately help for your abusive behavior, drinking, etc, and to leave him alone. It's obvious you are seeing him as an angel because he's no longer with you in a relationship, but as soon as he agrees to have something with you, you'll start to treat him as badly as before. You need to seek help, because this is not going to be resolved in the short term if you can't see why you treated him so badly. 2
SimonSerenade Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 You got some solid advice here so get yourself a plan of action, no more drinking, no more skeeting with random guys, see a counsellor and apologise to your ex, if nothing else better yourself will make you feel good.
Author 212 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 I no longer get angry or am abusive towards him, that is why he tolerates me. He is Hoping that I would change I guess.. I am disgusted with my behavior. I do have issues to sort out. I will leave him alone, he does have his own issues and needs time to heal. I am not going to tell him that I kissed others or slept with someone as it is my guilt and my problem and he does not need to know that and get even more hurt by my actions. However I will tell him we that we cannot continue meeting up and no contact. It's so hard.. such a messed up horrible mistake I made.
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