Son exchange with EX

[Radioguy81]

Here recently when I pick up my 4 year old son from my ex wife, she has started to say "Now Maddux it will just be 2 sleeps and you come back to mommy, don't worry, just 2 sleeps." i feel like she is sending the wrong message to him when she says this as if coming with me is bad. Just want to hear someone elses thoughts. Thanks in advance.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Here recently when I pick up my 4 year old son from my ex wife, she has started to say "Now Maddux it will just be 2 sleeps and you come back to mommy, don't worry, just 2 sleeps." i feel like she is sending the wrong message to him when she says this as if coming with me is bad. Just want to hear someone elses thoughts. Thanks in advance.

 

I suggest having a discussion with her. Ask why she's suddenly saying this to your son, when it wasn't an issue before. It's possible he's developed some sort of separation anxiety when it comes to her, in which (through no fault of yours or hers) she's just reassuring him that he will see her again.

 

But I can see where you're coming from; often times when a parent displays anxiety around their child, they only make the anxiety manifest in the child, who otherwise wasn't upset in the first place.

 

Talk to her; that's the only way to get to the bottom of this.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I agree with Rebel that you should ask your x about it.

 

I also think a four year old tends to get separation anxiety both ways. Maybe he just needs to feel more in control? So you can help mitigate his concerns too. So for example.

 

So x I heard Mommy tell you that you get to stay with me for two sleeps! Does that help you know the number of sleeps when you go back and faith to your rooms at mommy and daddy's houses? Do you want me to help you keep track too?

 

If he expresses concern about missing his mom or whatever (dog, cereal) then you can say...one more sleep and I will take you to mummy's house. Lets have a great day!

 

You can also drop him off by saying, 4 sleeps till you come back to see me, I can't wait! Keeping that whole tracking thing going.

 

Could it be manipulative nonsense from the x? Yep, but isn't it better to make it work for your son?

 

It sounds to me like a great way to keep a daily conversation with a 4 year old.

[serial muse]

I agree with Rebel that you should ask your x about it.

 

I also think a four year old tends to get separation anxiety both ways. Maybe he just needs to feel more in control? So you can help mitigate his concerns too. So for example.

 

So x I heard Mommy tell you that you get to stay with me for two sleeps! Does that help you know the number of sleeps when you go back and faith to your rooms at mommy and daddy's houses? Do you want me to help you keep track too?

 

If he expresses concern about missing his mom or whatever (dog, cereal) then you can say...one more sleep and I will take you to mummy's house. Lets have a great day!

 

You can also drop him off by saying, 4 sleeps till you come back to see me, I can't wait! Keeping that whole tracking thing going.

 

Could it be manipulative nonsense from the x? Yep, but isn't it better to make it work for your son?

 

It sounds to me like a great way to keep a daily conversation with a 4 year old.

 

This is brilliant.

[DawnR]

I think that she is probably just trying to make him comfortable. 2 sleeps, that may be the only way he can understand.

 

I would ask her just to make certain... but if it is fine.. it is fine. Let it go. But if you are concerned that she might be (or has before...) played the manipulation card... then it may cause a reason for you to nip it. If she has never been one to manipulate before, then it is ok.

[Lauriebell82]

I agree with the others that she probably didnt mean it as an insult. If you speak to your ex about it dont do any accusing. Ask if he is having seperation anxiety and work out a solution together. Playing the blame game will just cause an un needed argument.