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A Single girl will get 100 guys after her and for a single guy none

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Anela Established Member

Anela

Posted
Posted
I don't recall saying I get 0 attention, if it came off that way it certainly was uninentional. Yes, about once or twice a month I get the odd catcall or grizzled old man acting frisky. But they're not "options" and they're not "dateable". None of it helps me actually getting a date

 

 

My problem is that I do not get approached by normal men who want dates.

 

 

I've definitely discussed it several times with others on this forum that when you're counting how often you get approached for a date, the homeless man accosting me does not count.

 

You don't need to explain yourself to them. ♥ I know I've frequently responded, but I've gone above and beyond the amount of bull**** I can handle today, so no explanations from me.

  • Like 2
Southern Cal Dude Established Member

Southern Cal Dude

Posted
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What sort of girls have you ignored? You know, your "options."

 

Any sort of attention is positive? really? What if you got attention from other men? Sexual attention. Would that be positive? I'm not against gay people, but I know men who would s**t a brick if they were getting *that* sort of attention.

 

 

Attention doesn't have to be positive. Ive gotten sexual attention from 15 year old girls, 50 year old women, some in between, and gay guys. They're still options. Having an option and pursuing it are two different things.

Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

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Posted

well since you keep ignoring the pic request, i'll conclude that the pic in your avatar adds a few points to your attractiveness.

 

this doesn't mean you're doomed. my older sister also NEVER got hit on out in clubs/bars while most of her friends would, ALL the time. she's not ugly by any means, she just isn't like an 8 or something. Truth is, girls that aren't overly attractive, will not get hit on much in public. Most of the more average girls probably meet their bf's through friends or work or whatever, and i'd assume they would have to give a lot of indicators to these guys that they're interested as well.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
I don't recall saying I get 0 attention, if it came off that way it certainly was uninentional. Yes, about once or twice a month I get the odd catcall or grizzled old man acting frisky. But they're not "options" and they're not "dateable". None of it helps me actually getting a date

 

 

My problem is that I do not get approached by normal men who want dates.

 

 

I've definitely discussed it several times with others on this forum that when you're counting how often you get approached for a date, the homeless man accosting me does not count.

 

I'm sure if you responded to the catcallers or grizzled men, they'd ask you on a date. But in general, men, be it "normal" (not sure what a "normal" guy is) or abnormal, aren't going to cold turkey come up to you and ask you on a date. They'll talk to you and feel you out first. I guess somewhere in the interaction you give off a negative vibe -- I have no idea because I've never actually met you or seen you in a conversation.

 

But I don't go up to a woman at a bar, or at the beach or wherever I meet women, and ask them out on the spot. I talk to them, make sure I'm getting a good vibe, and then escalate from there. I don't think i'm unique in that respect.

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted

Silly me, saying I can't get a date when all along that homeless crack addict down by the river would be happy to go dumpster-diving for me, pull me together a nice dinner of scraps... if only I would accept his "daaaaaaaaamn baby you look guuuuuuud" advances.

 

I'm being way too picky. Standards too high it seems.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
Attention doesn't have to be positive. Ive gotten sexual attention from 15 year old girls, 50 year old women, some in between, and gay guys. They're still options. Having an option and pursuing it are two different things.

 

Exactamundo.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
Silly me, saying I can't get a date when all along that homeless crack addict down by the river would be happy to go dumpster-diving for me, pull me together a nice dinner of scraps... if only I would accept his "daaaaaaaaamn baby you look guuuuuuud" advances.

 

I'm being way too picky. Standards too high it seems.

 

You have constructed a nice strawman argument.

Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

Posted
Posted
I'm sure if you responded to the catcallers or grizzled men, they'd ask you on a date. But in general, men, be it "normal" (not sure what a "normal" guy is) or abnormal, aren't going to cold turkey come up to you and ask you on a date. They'll talk to you and feel you out first. I guess somewhere in the interaction you give off a negative vibe -- I have no idea because I've never actually met you or seen you in a conversation.

 

But I don't go up to a woman at a bar, or at the beach or wherever I meet women, and ask them out on the spot. I talk to them, make sure I'm getting a good vibe, and then escalate from there. I don't think i'm unique in that respect.

 

I would disagree here. i'm not saying what you said isn't completely normal, it is, but attractive girls will definitely have guys come up to them and being quite direct about their intentions to get a date/number etc.

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted
well since you keep ignoring the pic request, i'll conclude that the pic in your avatar adds a few points to your attractiveness.

 

this doesn't mean you're doomed. my older sister also NEVER got hit on out in clubs/bars while most of her friends would, ALL the time. she's not ugly by any means, she just isn't like an 8 or something. Truth is, girls that aren't overly attractive, will not get hit on much in public. Most of the more average girls probably meet their bf's through friends or work or whatever, and i'd assume they would have to give a lot of indicators to these guys that they're interested as well.

 

I am not going to search through hundreds of posts and threads to find the picture I previously posted, and good lord I have NO idea who you even are.

 

 

Don't tell a girl she's probably not as good looking as she seems, continue to bug her for pictures that prove it, and expect a positive response.

 

 

I consider myself a 7, and by no means do I deserve or want men throwing themselves at me, I think that as an average girl it would be reasonable to find a normal guy who'd be interested in dating me. That's all I ask.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
I would disagree here. i'm not saying what you said isn't completely normal, it is, but attractive girls will definitely have guys come up to them and being quite direct about their intentions to get a date/number etc.

 

Sure, it happens, but I'd say that's the minority of the guy population. Most guys who are that brassy are going to try to hook up with them first.

Southern Cal Dude Established Member

Southern Cal Dude

Posted
Posted
Silly me, saying I can't get a date when all along that homeless crack addict down by the river would be happy to go dumpster-diving for me, pull me together a nice dinner of scraps... if only I would accept his "daaaaaaaaamn baby you look guuuuuuud" advances.

 

I'm being way too picky. Standards too high it seems.

 

 

Still not getting it. Just because you're not interested doesn't mean it's not an option. If a gay guy shows interest in me, is it an option? Yes. Is it an option I'd pursue? No. You can't say no one shows interest in you and not count out the undesirables. They still count.

  • Like 1
Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted
I'm sure if you responded to the catcallers or grizzled men, they'd ask you on a date. But in general, men, be it "normal" (not sure what a "normal" guy is) or abnormal, aren't going to cold turkey come up to you and ask you on a date. They'll talk to you and feel you out first. I guess somewhere in the interaction you give off a negative vibe -- I have no idea because I've never actually met you or seen you in a conversation.

.

 

I don't find normal men (by normal, I mean men that clearly are not homeless, appear to wash themselves, aren't on drugs or mentally ill, and are within a reasonable amount of my age) coming up and chatting with me at all. I'd love a nice chat even if it didn't result in a date

 

 

I have plenty of male friends who I can have lovely conversations with, but it's very clear that it's a platonic vibe and those are men who I already know, not men that are coming up to meet me in public places.

 

 

Being friendzoned is my issue. Guys are down to hang out with me, but have no interest in romance.

Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted
Still not getting it. Just because you're not interested doesn't mean it's not an option. If a gay guy shows interest in me, is it an option? Yes. Is it an option I'd pursue? No. You can't say no one shows interest in you and not count out the undesirables. They still count.

 

No, I do get it.

 

 

I just don't agree with it.

  • Like 1
Southern Cal Dude Established Member

Southern Cal Dude

Posted
Posted
I don't find normal men (by normal, I mean men that clearly are not homeless, appear to wash themselves, aren't on drugs or mentally ill, and are within a reasonable amount of my age) coming up and chatting with me at all. I'd love a nice chat even if it didn't result in a date

 

 

I have plenty of male friends who I can have lovely conversations with, but it's very clear that it's a platonic vibe and those are men who I already know, not men that are coming up to meet me in public places.

 

 

Being friendzoned is my issue. Guys are down to hang out with me, but have no interest in romance.

 

 

We don't get to see you in person, but if you're getting friendzoned, my guess is you are releasing a masculine energy.

  • Like 1
Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted
We don't get to see you in person, but if you're getting friendzoned, my guess is you are releasing a masculine energy.

 

It's possible, I'm not a super girly girl.

 

 

I figure there's a guy out there who will be happy with that though. Just gotta find him

Southern Cal Dude Established Member

Southern Cal Dude

Posted
Posted
No, I do get it.

 

 

I just don't agree with it.

 

 

Doesn't matter if you agree or not. The definition of option is "the power or right to choose; freedom of choice". If a whack job shows interest, you have the power to choose what to do with his interest. That is called an option.

  • Like 1
Dread Pirate Roberts Established Member

Dread Pirate Roberts

Posted
Posted
Yep, that's why I was Single for 6 years with only 3 date offers in that time. :rolleyes:

 

Hard to believe. :)

hinatticus Established Member

hinatticus

Posted
Posted

I bet some of those guys in your friend zone will still date you. I also think the guys in your friend zone are just too scared to ask you out.

Dread Pirate Roberts Established Member

Dread Pirate Roberts

Posted
Posted
I don't find normal men (by normal, I mean men that clearly are not homeless, appear to wash themselves, aren't on drugs or mentally ill, and are within a reasonable amount of my age) coming up and chatting with me at all. I'd love a nice chat even if it didn't result in a date

 

 

I have plenty of male friends who I can have lovely conversations with, but it's very clear that it's a platonic vibe and those are men who I already know, not men that are coming up to meet me in public places.

 

 

Being friendzoned is my issue. Guys are down to hang out with me, but have no interest in romance.

 

There are some base criteria I need. Creative, intelligent, witty, open, honest, willingness to try new things / no head games, don't bring in emotional baggage in that you can't handle and project on me. Though, I'm also a sucker for a pretty face and a smile.

Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

Posted
Posted
I am not going to search through hundreds of posts and threads to find the picture I previously posted, and good lord I have NO idea who you even are.

 

 

Don't tell a girl she's probably not as good looking as she seems, continue to bug her for pictures that prove it, and expect a positive response.

 

 

I consider myself a 7, and by no means do I deserve or want men throwing themselves at me, I think that as an average girl it would be reasonable to find a normal guy who'd be interested in dating me. That's all I ask.

 

i'm sorry if I offended you, but if you want the blunt truth, I was trying to provide a possible reason to your dilemma. if you want all these silly fantasy responses, and pumping your ego, yet you still have no clue as to why you're not getting hit on much in public, than continue on your attention seeking path on here.

 

I told you that my sister seems to be in the same boat. it's not really all that shocking, as you seem to think. she doesn't have guys approaching her or showing much interest either. she's now in a 2 year relationship with a guy who her good friend set her up with. all i'm trying to say is, yes, as seen first hand with my sister, it's much harder to find relationships and have legit "options" as a girl when you're not like an 8+. That picture in your avatar is hot, and definitely 8+ material. You've said you feel you're a 7, no big deal. my gf's are generally in the 7-8 range (yes I know rating physical attractiveness is purely stupid and subjective, but it makes things easier in discussion..). I was perfectly content and loved them etc. One I met through work, and the other online dating. Maybe try online dating if you haven't already.

  • Like 1
Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted
I bet some of those guys in your friend zone will still date you. I also think the guys in your friend zone are just too scared to ask you out.

 

Perhaps some of them wouldn't "mind" dating me, but about 75% are happily taken (actually, 2 of them are taken by total shrews and are unhappy, but refuse to leave. I'll never understand it. The rest of them are with absolutely lovely, sweet girls), and the 25% who are single are interested in girls who are in a league waaaaay above me. They date girls who are stunning, but sadly end up not so happy with either drama or personality issues or baggage, and move on to a new girl.

 

 

They're great guys but I wouldn't wanna be another number for them so it's probably just as well that they're not interested.

 

 

I need to figure out how to succesfully approach a guy, and how to be my normal nerdy girl self while showing a guy he can be my friend AND my lover.

  • Like 1
Dread Pirate Roberts Established Member

Dread Pirate Roberts

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Posted
Look at all these guys hitting on this girl lmao

 

No, you're right. We shouldn't talk to people, because that's wrong. Where were our minds? :lmao:

  • Like 1
Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted

 

I told you that my sister seems to be in the same boat. it's not really all that shocking, as you seem to think. she doesn't have guys approaching her or showing much interest either. .

 

I am not shocked. At no point ever on this forum have I said "OMG I'm so shocked that I can't get a date" - it's other people who act shocked, which I don't really get. People act shocked, called me a liar, assume I must be ugly or psychotic or something ridiculous. I try to get people to understand that there is NO REASON TO BE SHOCKED that a normal girl struggles dating.

 

 

The whole basis of this thread is "oh hey girls have 100 guys pouncing on them right after a breakup and guys have no girls after them" - total lunacy. I am a firsthand example of a totally normal reasonable girl who doesn't have people beating the door down to get dates.

 

 

If guys would realize that plenty of women are like this they'd probably be a LOT better off.

 

 

Am I dismayed that I struggle to date? Yes. Am I SHOCKED? No.

 

 

I come to this board so that I can gain some insight and hopefully better my situation.

  • Like 1
Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted
No, you're right. We shouldn't talk to people, because that's wrong. Where were our minds? :lmao:

 

Indeed! A debate over "options" and a handful of people trying to help me better understand my situation is DEFINITELY all just thinly veiled attempts at cyber hitting on me.

 

 

Shameful!!!:laugh::D:lmao:

  • Like 1
Dread Pirate Roberts Established Member

Dread Pirate Roberts

Posted
Posted
Perhaps some of them wouldn't "mind" dating me, but about 75% are happily taken (actually, 2 of them are taken by total shrews and are unhappy, but refuse to leave. I'll never understand it. The rest of them are with absolutely lovely, sweet girls), and the 25% who are single are interested in girls who are in a league waaaaay above me. They date girls who are stunning, but sadly end up not so happy with either drama or personality issues or baggage, and move on to a new girl.

 

 

They're great guys but I wouldn't wanna be another number for them so it's probably just as well that they're not interested.

 

 

I need to figure out how to succesfully approach a guy, and how to be my normal nerdy girl self while showing a guy he can be my friend AND my lover.

 

It's crazy you say all that. That's all I've been finding. The kind that bring their emotional baggage from mommy and daddy and past boyfriends into our relationships. I'm not without sympathy, but really if you don't know what you want and you let your problems hurt the other person, there's no excuse. Especially if you're an adult and you know you have issues.

 

As far as approaching someone, I might be a little shy at first, but it doesn't take very long to muster up enough courage to say something. Sometimes you just kind of end up talking to someone without realizing or expecting anything to happen.

 

I was in a long line once and I started talking to a couple people and this one girl about how crappy the line was. So we decided to make it more fun and lively while we waited and we ended up hitting it off instantly.

 

I have no problem initializing, but it's pretty flattering and cute when a girl that likes you comes up to you.

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