How exactly do you 'move on'?

[The Situation]

I've done almost everything possible to help deal with losing my ex, which ended after a messy year and a half (as posted in another thread) and I'm doing all I can to carry on with my life.

 

I've not contacted her, I've been working towards finishing my degree, I've joined the gym, I've been more sociable, I've been away on holiday and I've met someone new who I'm in contact with on a daily basis.

 

Yet getting back from my holiday has only reset my feelings, or made me realise how I feel. And that's devastated without her. I feel like I've made a huge, huge mistake. I miss her so much but feel powerless to do anything about it.

 

So, how do you 'move on', as the phrase goes? Should I give the new girl a chance, even when I'm pining for someone else to see if a new relationship fixes it? Or am I just rebounding?

 

I honestly didn't think I'd be so hung up on my ex. At the time I didn't think she meant that much to me, when actually I'm pretty certain I love her now, which is what she always wanted to hear me say.

[Ale khun]

I think everybody has a different way to "move on" . This process it's really hard and painful but like everybody says here the best thing to do its going NC , gym, and going out . You've already done that , which is great . Now about the new girl you should be honest with your feelings and if you think of your ex while with her then she is a rebound , and you shouldn't treat her like a rebound , remember that usually one person gets hurt when this situations happens just be honest with her , but if you feel that there's a chance of being happy with the new girl give it a try .

[The Situation]

Thanks for the reply, appreciate it!

 

I unfortunately bumped into my ex about a month ago, and she didn't take kindly to seeing me. I keep telling myself that the situation's changed between us and we aren't who we were, but I know underneath it's possible if I could win her trust back (hell of a task, I know). I never cheated on her, I just wasn't in the right place at the time.

 

My fear now is that I love her, and that no new relationship will be quite the same. Is it worth telling her at some point?

 

As far as the new girl's concerned, it'd be a LDR. She's lovely, and it's great to feel wanted but, to be honest, there'd be no competition if my ex wanted me back. So that probably answers the question on what I should do.

 

Fed up of feeling miserable, regardless!

[Ale khun]

Here's the thing we want what we can't have it's just human nature . I don't think that it's possible to win her back second parts are not always great . I hope I'm wrong and there's a way to be with her . No relationship it's the same that's for sure but please don't think that you will never feel the same way with another girl like you did with your ex , because you are closing all the doors to new experiences its amazing how someone can make us feel and somehow we can get addicted to that feeling but it's harder to realize that such feeling , chemistry , passion etc its gone and no new relationship will bring the same or will be the same as the one we had before . In my case it took me almost 3 months and therapy to realize that what I had with my ex it's gone forever now I'm starting to date again and I feel i deserve an excellent guy in my life . And no I don't think you should tell her that at any point or under any circumstance why you want to make her feel un replaceable? If you feel wanted by some other person it's great but please don't think that you will dump this other girl if your ex decides to take you back because if you think that way you are not allowing new people in your life that happend to me before and by comparing what I had with my ex and waiting for the magic words I lost amazing people and chances to be happy , it's normal to feel this way and to miss what we had but try to focus only in you , try to imagine that she is gone forever until you can accept this idea , that my friend it's the hardest thing to do i guess that's how you move on , killing all hope and dreams about a near future with our ex's . Give this girl or another girl a chance to make you happy you really deserve to be happy . Keep posting there's many people in the same or worst situation that you and here you will find great advice .

[athousandquestions]

How many days post BU are you?

Have you deleted her number, her off facebook/social media?

 

Do you lurk her social media?

 

Did you remove every thing in your life that reminds you of her (pictures, notes, etc?)

Did she end things with you?

 

 

You're doing the right thing, staying active, etc. The fact is you're not just gonna wake up and be 'over' her just because you're doing those things. You need to take it one day at a time.

 

Some days, you're gonna miss her and think she was the love of your life.

 

Other days you're gonna think about her halfway through the day and realize that's the first time you've thought of her all day.

 

 

It takes time, and that's the waiting game. Keep staying active, etc.

 

As for the other girl, it's up to you. I would tell you to avoid getting into another relationship but there is nothing wrong with enjoying one anothers company.

[The Situation]

How many days post BU are you?

Have you deleted her number, her off facebook/social media?

 

Do you lurk her social media?

 

Did you remove every thing in your life that reminds you of her (pictures, notes, etc?)

Did she end things with you?

 

 

You're doing the right thing, staying active, etc. The fact is you're not just gonna wake up and be 'over' her just because you're doing those things. You need to take it one day at a time.

 

Some days, you're gonna miss her and think she was the love of your life.

 

Other days you're gonna think about her halfway through the day and realize that's the first time you've thought of her all day.

 

 

It takes time, and that's the waiting game. Keep staying active, etc.

 

As for the other girl, it's up to you. I would tell you to avoid getting into another relationship but there is nothing wrong with enjoying one anothers company.

 

We stopped seeing each other at the end of April. The steps I took were removing her from social media (which I later discovered when bumping into her that she took it badly. It made me feel like a terrible person, without doubt), but I've kept her number. I can't bring myself to do that (just yet). Maybe I will one day. I've deleted her texts, though.

 

I used to lurk on social media, checking to see whether she was on chat or not, even when I had no intention to talk. It was a nasty habit while we were 'off' for a while, hence why I deleted her.

 

I need to get rid of a card I was going to send, plus I still have a keyring she gave me. It wasn't the deepest of relationships, so I don't have much from her, although you've got me wondering what she's kept that I got her. If it's all gone, fair enough. If we ever tried again I'd want it to feel as fresh as possible, anyway.

 

In the end, she ended it with me after I struggled for months to be 'in the right place'. The relationship was technically a 'rebound', but I really, really liked her, she wasn't there to fill a void, I genuinely wanted it to work. I deserved what I got as she'd been so good to me, yet I'd been so inconsistent. It was a frustrating time, as the chemistry was like nothing I'd known could exist.

 

However, it is sort of existing again with the new girl, which is why I'm going to give it a try. I know what I want from a relationship now, and the rapport we have is worth a shot.

 

But yeah, it's a huge task feeling 'over it' when you only broke up because the timing was bad. I'll always have a soft spot for her.

 

Ale, you make some great points there, thank you! I'll approach the potential new relationship with an open mind, and see how it develops. I'm not keen on the long distance, but again, it'll be a new experience.

 

Maybe you're right, I want what I can't have, but we had been on and off, and when 'retrying' we found ourselves quite quickly, but unfortunately it didn't last as I panicked and admitted I wasn't ready for her. Now a few months have passed I'm willing to give something new a try. Just wish the confusing relationship had been with someone else. But that's life.