Closure

[MariaJ]

I read a lot of posts about the importance of closure in an affair. I think every situation is different, but I was finally able to get closure after 3 years of wondering and worrying. I had an affair 3 years ago that last for several months. I'm married and he wasn't. I had a major breakdown and I confessed everything to my H. As of that day, I never saw xOM again...until yesterday. During the last 3 years I've wondered if I made a mistake, if I really loved him, if he loved me, if he hated me, if he's ok, a million questions. This past year, I decided that I really didn't need to know all this because I was finally a good place in my life. My marriage was better than ever, I had a new job, and just a whole new outlook on life. So, I see him at Wal-mart of all places. He's alone and I'm alone. I've always tried to prepare myself in case I ever did see him. What I told myself is that I'd start crying or run away. What happened was totally different. I actually enjoyed talking to him. It turned out that he is doing fine. He's still single. He wanted to make sure I'm ok too. Although my marriage has been better than ever, I never stopped missing xOM. You can't make yourself not miss someone. It's just something that I learned to live with. Seeing him again made me realize that I didn't miss him as much as I thought. I didn't get emotional. I think we can build people up in our minds until they become way more important in our lives than they should be and become almost immortal or magical. We forget the bad stuff, and just hold onto the good memories. It really can screw up your brain. Yesterday was a reality check. Yes, I miss him but yes, I can also live without him. He's just a guy who makes mistakes and is flawed like the rest of us. I think I was more in love with the attention and the forbidden nature of the relationship. I don't need that anymore. I have a H who continues to rise to the occasion () pun intended.

 

I want to mention before someone accuses me of wronging the xOM :laugh:that xOM and I never talked about being together long term. He never wanted me to leave my family. I never led him on in anyway. He never led me on either. We both knew it would end eventually. I just fell in love and it changed my thoughts, but i never told him.

Edited July 6, 2013 by MariaJ

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Thanks for that post. I often wonder what it will be like when I run into XMM. I know it is bound to happen at some point. It gives me hope that we could have a civil conversation and walk away feeling okay about it.

[BruisedBNBroken]

Thank you so much for this post @MariaJ. I am in a similar situation that you speak about 3 years ago, except I am working through the painful process of the affair stage now and trying to get the courage to confess and make some decisions with my marriage, all while working through the grief of immensely missing xAP, who is long distance and have LC with for a few more weeks when our mutual work project ends.

I dream of closure, of breaking out of the fog and the fantasy. Thank you for giving me hope.

[Pierre]

I read a lot of posts about the importance of closure in an affair. I think every situation is different, but I was finally able to get closure after 3 years of wondering and worrying. I had an affair 3 years ago that last for several months. I'm married and he wasn't. I had a major breakdown and I confessed everything to my H. As of that day, I never saw xOM again...until yesterday. During the last 3 years I've wondered if I made a mistake, if I really loved him, if he loved me, if he hated me, if he's ok, a million questions. This past year, I decided that I really didn't need to know all this because I was finally a good place in my life. My marriage was better than ever, I had a new job, and just a whole new outlook on life. So, I see him at Wal-mart of all places. He's alone and I'm alone. I've always tried to prepare myself in case I ever did see him. What I told myself is that I'd start crying or run away. What happened was totally different. I actually enjoyed talking to him. It turned out that he is doing fine. He's still single. He wanted to make sure I'm ok too. Although my marriage has been better than ever, I never stopped missing xOM. You can't make yourself not miss someone. It's just something that I learned to live with. Seeing him again made me realize that I didn't miss him as much as I thought. I didn't get emotional. I think we can build people up in our minds until they become way more important in our lives than they should be and become almost immortal or magical. We forget the bad stuff, and just hold onto the good memories. It really can screw up your brain. Yesterday was a reality check. Yes, I miss him but yes, I can also live without him. He's just a guy who makes mistakes and is flawed like the rest of us. I think I was more in love with the attention and the forbidden nature of the relationship. I don't need that anymore. I have a H who continues to rise to the occasion () pun intended.

 

I want to mention before someone accuses me of wronging the xOM :laugh:that xOM and I never talked about being together long term. He never wanted me to leave my family. I never led him on in anyway. He never led me on either. We both knew it would end eventually. I just fell in love and it changed my thoughts, but i never told him.

 

Very beautiful post Maria. This shows that very nice people can fall into an affair. What really matters is what you do afterwards. I am also please to see you have a conscience and confessed in a quest to improve your marriage. At the same time you had some concerns for the single OM.

 

Class act!!!!!!

[HopingAgain]

Please tell your husband about this "closure" meeting of yours.

 

-ol' 2long

 

I agree. I know a lot of people may feel it would do no good to tell husband, it sure is a lot better than him possibly finding out another way that you spoke to OM again. There may have been someone you or H knows that saw you talking and would tell him, and then you'd be back at square 1 as far as trust goes. So please do the right thing and let your husband know about this last contact.