I want him but I cant admit it

[mimi23]

I just broke up wit my boyfriend of one year. We lived together in school and the reason y we actualy ended up together was cuz I ws struggling out of a LDR n he gave me the attention I needed then. So I left my ex n got right with him. I often told him that I might not be able to handle a LDR now that he is finished wit school and am not. The truth is,I always felt like I settled with him cz evrytym we'd fight I'd threaten to leave n he wud beg me to tears:/ I did love him tho n I treated him so right.

3 months now we hvnt seen each other, I have been feeling void n I just needed to live a little without him. So nway I met this guy Chase*. He is rly great, has all those qualities I lack wit Pat. He is ambitious, mature, treats me so much better. We hang out twice n even slept in the same bed and nothing happened (mayb some teeny cuddling)..but generally he respected that I have a boyfriend and I'd told him I was struggling with the distance. For that he had some hope we would be together n he told me to take my time to sort out my feelings out. I struggled with the decision bcuz we had a stable working relationship with my boyfriend n had plans for the future and I would be taking a huge risk living him for some crush I didnt even know abt.

Chase was serious though about having something real..he even said he saw me in his future. Had me meet his friends n showed real interest.(we've js gone out twice btw)

I was also feeling guilty for not being honest with my boyfriend and seeing this guy behind his back. I knew immediately that developing feelings for another guy meant we were over and I had actualy found a better match for me. Chase started pestering me about me deciding over our fate n I asked him if he was ready for the possibility that we wouldnt actually end up together..that devastated him and he admitted of hvn made a mistake in the first place of falling in love with a hitched person and accused me of 'entertaining him'.

which I admited to. He said he wudnt ask me to leave my boyfriend for him cz karma wud hv tht happen to him as well. So we resolved to be just friends, which I accepted but in heart reluctantly. Immediately after I broke up with my bf cz I realized I was livin a lie n was wastin his time n wud hurt him much more in the end. He didnt take it well..he went from rage to resententment to beggin me to take him back. I told him I would'nt change my mind.

Now that its been five years of relationships and am single, I was hoping to reinvent myself n learn to live on my own for a while. Now the problem is that av fallen for Chase..cant stop thinking about him but he is now treating me so casually, like a friend and I feel I want more. I havent told him I broke up with my boyfriend cz he'l think it was for him..n it was not..n he'l want to just jump into something serious which am obviously not ready for. but I miss him so much n I rly want to be wit him but he has already sent me in his 'friends zone'..It hurts me when treats me so casually. what do I do?

Edited July 6, 2013 by mimi23

[mimi23]

my apologies!..bad texting habits..using my phone. just be helpful and less critical please, I was'nt asking for a grammar class!

[white]

You may have made a mistake and will now wind up with neither man. Such is the stupidity of youth. You didn't handle it all very maturely. It's possible however that if you concoct a lie about why you left your boyfriend, and postdate it a little to imply a period of waiting, this Chase (If I was a woman I couldn't take a man called Chase seriously, sorry) might regain interest. If you can't sell him on the idea you left your boyfriend for unrelated reasons, he'll probably be freaked out. Even if he does believe it, he'll always be pretty smug you came to him afterwards. It's not the most equal of bases to start a relationship.

[Shaun-Dro]

I just broke up wit my boyfriend of one year. We lived together in school and the reason y we actualy ended up together was cuz I ws struggling out of a LDR n he gave me the attention I needed then. So I left my ex n got right with him. I often told him that I might not be able to handle a LDR now that he is finished wit school and am not. The truth is,I always felt like I settled with him cz evrytym we'd fight I'd threaten to leave n he wud beg me to tears:/ I did love him tho n I treated him so right.

3 months now we hvnt seen each other, I have been feeling void n I just needed to live a little without him. So nway I met this guy Chase*. He is rly great, has all those qualities I lack wit Pat. He is ambitious, mature, treats me so much better. We hang out twice n even slept in the same bed and nothing happened (mayb some teeny cuddling)..but generally he respected that I have a boyfriend and I'd told him I was struggling with the distance. For that he had some hope we would be together n he told me to take my time to sort out my feelings out. I struggled with the decision bcuz we had a stable working relationship with my boyfriend n had plans for the future and I would be taking a huge risk living him for some crush I didnt even know abt.

Chase was serious though about having something real..he even said he saw me in his future. Had me meet his friends n showed real interest.(we've js gone out twice btw)

I was also feeling guilty for not being honest with my boyfriend and seeing this guy behind his back. I knew immediately that developing feelings for another guy meant we were over and I had actualy found a better match for me. Chase started pestering me about me deciding over our fate n I asked him if he was ready for the possibility that we wouldnt actually end up together..that devastated him and he admitted of hvn made a mistake in the first place of falling in love with a hitched person and accused me of 'entertaining him'.

which I admited to. He said he wudnt ask me to leave my boyfriend for him cz karma wud hv tht happen to him as well. So we resolved to be just friends, which I accepted but in heart reluctantly. Immediately after I broke up with my bf cz I realized I was livin a lie n was wastin his time n wud hurt him much more in the end. He didnt take it well..he went from rage to resententment to beggin me to take him back. I told him I would'nt change my mind.

Now that its been five years of relationships and am single, I was hoping to reinvent myself n learn to live on my own for a while. Now the problem is that av fallen for Chase..cant stop thinking about him but he is now treating me so casually, like a friend and I feel I want more. I havent told him I broke up with my boyfriend cz he'l think it was for him..n it was not..n he'l want to just jump into something serious which am obviously not ready for. but I miss him so much n I rly want to be wit him but he has already sent me in his 'friends zone'..It hurts me when treats me so casually. what do I do?

 

That's what happens when you unconsciously play games with a man's heart. You wound up getting burned in the end.

 

Your best bet is to just be upfront with him about your desires. Not enough women do this, so for you to take that initiative would really help you in getting that shot with him.

[mimi23]

You're right White. Its all too messy. (and Chase is just an alias I picked for the forum:) I'l get over him. Besides, I'm more desperate for a break from relationships than to be with him.

Thanks for shedding light.

[mimi23]

So now its another level of messy. He contacted me telling me how much he's missing me. Asked if I ever had feelings for him and I admited to it. He later asked what's keeping us apart. I finally told him I left my boyfriend and that I did'nt plan to tell him so soon and explained the reasons why. I told him I needed some time out. He said he was'nt in a hurry, he just needed some guarantee that I was serious about the way I feel about him. So how do I now take things SLOW with him?