Would/do you do favours for the dumper?

[Ordinaryday]

I have been accused, over the years by various girls, of being a HORRIBLE dumpee. I openly admit I am not perfect, but I think some of my behaviour is justified.

 

It is like this: wfor some reason I tend to attract girls with some kind of problem in their life, and when we hook up they ask me to help them and I do: be it emotional or financial support, advice, etc, the girls I am with come to see me as someone who is 'there' for them and I don't mind that, cos they are there for me as well.

 

And then they decide, for whatever reason, that they don't want to be with me anymore and want someone else instead. That's their choice, but after dumping me they usually keep contacting me at regular intervals asking if I would do the same kind of favour for them that I did for them when we were an item.

 

I always tell them no, and this usually annoys them to no end, making them say something like 'you're so horrible! Just because we are no longer an item you have zero time for me! You will only be nice to me when you are getting sex out of it! You are horrible'

 

I see this as a distortion of facts, I just don't feel like going out of my way t do favours for someone who rejected me. And yet they all act as if it is 'normal' to do this and I am an uncaring jerk for not doing so.

 

Is this really how it is? If your dumper contacted you and asked you to help them out with something that you would have helped them out with when you were together, would you do so? Is this normal? Or are they just using me and attacking me when things don't go their way?

[Hoaks]

Wow, they lose that right when they tell you they dont want to be with you any more. Stuff them, its just using. Nice guys finish last, thats what I have found out. Im freshly dumped and bitter though. But if she called and asked me for somthing in a few weeks I would laugh and hang up.

I feel like I should be paying someone rent on this site, its bern my home for the past 5 months lol.

[headsashed]

Nope, you aint apart of their lives anymore so you owe them nothing, simple as that.

[ChasingCars]

Using you- they think you are convenient.

[BC1980]

No, you shouldn't do anything for them. There is no "middle ground" when you have been in a relationship with someone. Just doesn't work like that because the lines aren't naturally drawn anymore. The entire thing is forced, so it's best to just cut it off completely. Then, you don't have to wonder.

[Sneaky]

It sounds like they're clearly trying to use you and it's unfair of them. I wouldn't lose sleep over it, it's their loss.

[adelia]

it really depends on who. thats a general questiin. it depends on the relationship. my one ex has been there for me and i am for him. do i feel attraction for him not at all. hes more like a brother now and friend. so yes id make time for him but not all broken relationships end that way. if youre still close friends and it doesnt bother you then yes be there for her id say.

[flitzanu]

no you're not doing anything wrong by not helping them, especially if they come back at you TELLING you that you're horrible for not helping. it does mean they're just trying to use you.

[aloneinaz]

You are sooo looking at this the wrong way.. Who's screwed up and manipulative is the ex who dumped you and then still wants you to help them.. What's wrong with them?

 

If it's been years since the break up and you're on friendly terms, then that's a different thing. I have ex's from 15 to 20 years ago that I'd help out if asked.

 

This is going to sound bad but if I saw my ex on the side of the road broken down, I'd drive right by hoping she saw me as I went by. I don't owe her anything. It would then maybe sink into her selfish brain that crapping on people in your life has consequences.

[hotpotato]

99% of the time NO!

They chose to not have you in their lives as the bf, but they want to reap the benefits thereof. That wont fly here.