bob654 Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 As everyone can see, I'm brand new to this forum, so thanks for welcoming me! Sunday night I went out with 2 female coworkers. We hadn't ever hung out before, but it was a very fun time--not awkward at all. We ended up taking one car, and I wasn't driving. We dropped off the other co-worker, and now my situation begins. When she drove me home, I figured that she was just going to let me out at my apartment, but she obviously wanted to find a place to park. I thought that was cool, so I asked her to come in. We had been talking about my dog, so I said she should come meet him. She seemed very excited to do that. When we got in, she was playing with my dog and we were talking about work, and within I bet less than an hour we were making out. I definitely didn't expect this to happen at all. This wasn't even really a date, and all of a sudden we were making out. It actually got to the point that her shirt was unbuttoned, but it stopped there. None of this, however, was awkward. She said she had to go because she had work very early, so I said okay and walked her to her car. We kissed a little more at her car and then she was on her way. Tuesday morning I texted her that I had a good time and made a joke about something she had made fun of me for, and she texted back saying she had a good time and she reciprocated with a related joke. I should mention that we don't work in the same department, and she was off on Monday and Tuesday, so we hadn't seen each other. The next day, Wednesday, we both had to be in a meeting for about 3 hours with about 15 or so people from various departments. It was my day off, so I was only there for the meeting. After the meeting I asked her what she was up to Thursday, and asked if she wanted to hang out Thursday afternoon/evening. She said yes. Thursday I'm off (yesterday), and I try to get in touch with her shortly after she's supposed to be done with work, but I don't hear from her for a few hours. It turned out that she was late getting off (not surprising--it happens all the time), but said she still wanted to hang out. HOWEVER, she wanted to check with her roommate to see what she was doing. I thought that was okay--afterall it was the 4th of July and they're both pretty new to town. I get that she wouldn't want to leave her alone on the holiday. She tells me she'll call me back in a few minutes, but we don't end up talking again for a couple of hours. At this point, she tells me that she's going out with 2 other co-workers and wants me to come. The plans weren't entirely nailed down, so I told her to let me know what they decide. Pretty soon after that I call back and tell her I'd rather not go because I thought we'd do something earlier in the day and that I was pretty tired and didn't want to be out too late. Truthfully I was also put-off that she was blowing me off, but I didn't say that. She said that was okay, and seemed a little disappointed. Later I texted her asking her to call me and said in the text that I wanted to talk to her about Sunday--that I didn't want her to think I only wanted the physical stuff that happened that night. Pretty quickly she texted back saying that she'd call. When she was done last night, she did call me, and we talked for about an hour and a half. Most of the conversation was not about Sunday, but we did talk about it. She told me that she didn't think that I only wanted the physical stuff/sex, and mentioned that I was much better at communicating how I feel compared to her. She eventually needed to get off the phone because she had to be at work early the next morning (in other words, today). So here's probably the big screw up. When I got off then phone with her, I think it would be a great idea to send flowers to work with a note saying that I hope I didn't keep her up too long and that I enjoyed talking with her. I placed the order online for delivery at noon. Around noon she texted me asking if I sent the flowers. I texted back "guilty". When I arrived at work a couple hours later things were busy, and we only got to say hi to each other. She ended up leaving a couple hours later at the end of her shift without saying goodbye. A couple hours after leaving work, she texted me that it was really nice that I sent the flowers, but that she thinks we should just be friends for now since we work together. When I got done tonight I gave her a call. She asked me last night that I call her when I was done with work, so I thought it was the right thing to do. I left a message saying I was calling like I said I would, and that I got her text and understood. I followed up with a text saying that I understand, and that I was glad she recognized this was going too fast and that I appreciated her pointing it out to me. I told her I enjoyed getting to know her over the last week, and hoped that we really could be friends. As of now she hasn’t contacted me. Is there anything I can do to come back from this?
SJC2008 Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 You better contact the moderators and have them erase this thread before cptsaveaho sees it ROFL!
D-Lish Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 I think you jumped the gun, came on too strong too fast.
Archgirl Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 If I liked you, that would be just about the lovliest gesture ever and I would be totally charmed. But that's if. To come back from this situation, you need to move on, not contact her and be vaguely distant with any unavoidable contact you have with her. You work with her, you need to go totally hands off indefinitely. She may eventually pursue you. But until then back the hell off and don't focus on her.
Author bob654 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 Archgirl that sounds pretty wise to me. I've obviously made the situation uncomfortable, and I guess she needs to let things to an extent go back to the way they were. Before Sunday, we only had quick, casual contact at work, so I'll allow it to go back to that. Am I getting the right idea? 1
SJC2008 Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 When she drove me home, I figured that she was just going to let me out at my apartment, but she obviously wanted to find a place to park. I thought that was cool, so I asked her to come in. Good job on picking that up and inviting her in. we were making out. I definitely didn't expect this to happen at all. This wasn't even really a date, and all of a sudden we were making out. It actually got to the point that her shirt was unbuttoned, but it stopped there. None of this, however, was awkward. She said she had to go because she had work very early, so I said okay and walked her to her car. We kissed a little more at her car and then she was on her way. That may have been token resistance. We'll wait for Mr. know it all aka cptsaveaho to chime in. Later I texted her asking her to call me and said in the text that I wanted to talk to her about Sunday--that I didn't want her to think I only wanted the physical stuff that happened that night. Pretty quickly she texted back saying that she'd call. Don't EVER do this. You're apologizing for being a man, even if that wasn't your intention. She's an adult, if things are going too fast she'll let you know or talk about xyz. So here's probably the big screw up. When I got off then phone with her, I think it would be a great idea to send flowers to work with a note saying that I hope I didn't keep her up too long and that I enjoyed talking with her. I placed the order online for delivery at noon. Around noon she texted me asking if I sent the flowers. I texted back "guilty". When I arrived at work a couple hours later things were busy, and we only got to say hi to each other. She ended up leaving a couple hours later at the end of her shift without saying goodbye. A couple hours after leaving work, she texted me that it was really nice that I sent the flowers, but that she thinks we should just be friends for now since we work together. Why are you apologizing? Keep her up too long? If she doesn't want to talk to you she won't and if she did let you keep her up too long that's HER fault for not womaning up and enging the call. Stop projecting onto yourself. I used to be very very bad about this and still have somewhat of a problem with it but I've learned to control it. As of now she hasn’t contacted me. Is there anything I can do to come back from this Sorry but it's over man.
SJC2008 Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 As much as I hate dating rules there are some good ones. One is to not buy gifts, ehem flowers. This rule isn't from some slick dating guru either. It's from a licensed proffesional marriage/relationship counselor.
Author bob654 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 Seems like this was just a bad combination of events on Sunday. We both had our guards down, because it wasn't even a date. If it was, I doubt either one of us would have thought that going over to my place was a good idea. But anyway, that's in the past. Like I said, I'm going to basically act like none of this stuff ever happened out of respect for her and work and what-not. No point in trying to recover from this, because we barely have any sort of relationship whatsoever. If it happens it happens, but I won't hold my breath.
Archgirl Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Archgirl that sounds pretty wise to me. I've obviously made the situation uncomfortable, and I guess she needs to let things to an extent go back to the way they were. Before Sunday, we only had quick, casual contact at work, so I'll allow it to go back to that. Am I getting the right idea? Yep, that's what I was getting at Just keep it vaguely friendly, professional and polite, don't avoid her and don't seek her out. It's win win this way, she either starts missing your attention and realises she wants you and so makes a few moves or she doesn't and you haven't lost anything and have moved on. Seems like this was just a bad combination of events on Sunday. We both had our guards down, because it wasn't even a date. If it was, I doubt either one of us would have thought that going over to my place was a good idea. But anyway, that's in the past. Like I said, I'm going to basically act like none of this stuff ever happened out of respect for her and work and what-not. No point in trying to recover from this, because we barely have any sort of relationship whatsoever. If it happens it happens, but I won't hold my breath. You can actually recover from this sometimes, but only by not trying to recover it. Make sense?
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