doomage Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 (edited) So around April I got promoted at my job and was in training with a bunch of people, some new to the company and a few not. The first day I met a chinese girl that was part of my group, and I instantly asked her during break where she was from and if she had a boyfriend. She told me nonchalantly that she had one in Los Angeles. We live in Las Vegas. Typically I don't try to get with girls with boyfriends or husbands, but I felt like she didn't really like him all that much so I went forward. Plus she was still reeling from a break up she had when she lived in China before she moved back here. So I felt she only got with this chinese guy in Los Angeles as a rebound. Anyway I tried to get her out for a month, but it never worked out and then finally we had lunch one day and she said she wanted a friends with benefits situation. She is 32 and I'm 24, I thought this was a good deal and so two days later she asks if she can come over and she does but I had family in town so it didn't happen, but the day after she came over and got naked and we did it two times. After that we made plans to hang out on a friday night, but when I least expected it her boyfriend showed up at her house unannounced. She didn't know he was coming either. I was kind of upset because my plans got ruined, but felt a bit selfish because she is in a relationship. The next day our training group plus her met at a club here, and we kissed like normal but not infront of anyone. After I walked her to her car ( she had to leave early because her bf was at her house) I asked if she even liked her bf and she said she feels kind of numb ( she's still not over her ex fiance in china) and that he bought her stuff that day. After that we met up at a tea place in china town here and everything was cool but she didn't want to come over to my house, and i was confused why. But she still said she wanted to be friends with benefits, and after that day I would periodically tell her to come over but she'd shoot me down saying she can last a long time without sex, and alluded to the fact that she felt kind of guilty for cheating on her bf because he treated her nice the time he came. Before she had sex with me she hadn't had sex in 3 months. He never visited her that's why she wanted a friends with benefits thing. So it seems after that week he would show up every other week which was weird to me , it's like he knew something was up. When me and her would make plans they would get sidelined if he showed up , so i felt like second fiddle, which wasn't good for my self esteem. last time we were on good terms was around may when we hung out, we just saw a movie with her female friend her date me and the chinese girl. After that she went on a trip for memorial day weekend with her boyfriend and since then she's been acting different, like saying she can't hang out because she only has day off when I know for a fact we have 2 days off (we work at different stores but same hours. And now when I text her she doesn't respond at all, before she used to respond, so I feel sad but i dont know why, i mean she's taken, its not like we can be in a relationship together but i miss her company still and feel like crap cuz she just ignores me now, but smiles in my face when i saw her last at her store. I don't know what to do. Edited July 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Tinie Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Don't pursue this girl, she sounds like a lot of drama and bad news. She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. I'd move on. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 You got played...... Suck it up and put it behind you....This is one of the problems with FWB...Shes off the hook here because she laid out the rules up front. You lost to someone with more savvy and experience... Sorry, man TFY 1
Author doomage Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 After she brought up being friends with benefits she said she was tired of one night stands and wantef to be with someone she felt comfortable with (me) but now i feel like she only wanted a one night stand because after we had sex she was different. should i ask ehybshes been ignoring me like what changed?
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 She was just attention whoring it up and saw you as an easy candidate for some attention and validation, she also probably did it to spite her BF and he likely noticed her giving attitude or pulling away, so he ran down to Las Vegas to try and patch things up and make em right...now that he's giving her the attention she needs and they're dealing with their own drama she doesn't really need you for the moment, things are probably ok between them at this point for now. You should have never focused your energy on a girl like this, she was cheating and sleeping around on her BF for herself, not for you and your benefit, this is about her and her emotional state...you also seem like the kind of guy that can easily be taken for a spin being too gullible and invested...I think it's hurting your pride a bit that she isn't more attached to you but she was never really available in a sense anyway, don't be a fool and think she didn't want things to work out with her BF, she was just replacing you for her needs in the interim. There's no point in asking her what's wrong, if anything she just wants things not to be a big deal or dramatic right now...you're better off seeing another girl at the work place if you want to play little stupid drama jealous games...then she'll probably be curious why you aren't giving her the attention anymore. Otherwise just caught her off, she's not giving you what you want anyway, don't let your pride and ego make you into a fool...just let this one go and find someone else to date, you should have never made this girl your priority anyway, she was only ever an option at best...plus he's pounding her every time he comes into town, you really want to stick your wiener in his man juice?
thefooloftheyear Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 After she brought up being friends with benefits she said she was tired of one night stands and wantef to be with someone she felt comfortable with (me) but now i feel like she only wanted a one night stand because after we had sex she was different. should i ask ehybshes been ignoring me like what changed? Youre a young kid..Take this experience and learn from it..be a man and dont let it crush your spirit. She has no blame here...she played the game by the rules you both agreed to..Dont cry about it now.. TFY
Author doomage Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 Even though it was clear nothing would happen besides sex i liked her company and the week after her bf left she said she only sees us as a physical thing because im not established yet and her bf is 36 has his own business and she wants to be taken care of so she basically said its my age and not my fault that im not at that level. but i guess i got needy at times with her like wanted to see her once a week atleast even if we didnt have sex and she would make up excuses why she couldnt and finally is ignoring me but hasnt taken me off her fb and even left a comment on my picture two weeks ago.
MercuryMorrison1 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 FWB relationships can be dangerous and almost always end in disaster in my experience. There's always a high risk involved in a FWB relationship. Be it, the risk of her having a boyfriend she's not telling you about or if she's someone you have been ''just friends'' with before sex was ever brought into the picture, then you run the risk of ruining a perfectly good friendship because one of you will most likely develop feelings the other one doesn't have. Either way, FWB are usually more trouble than they are worth IMO.
BradJacobs Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 After she brought up being friends with benefits she said she was tired of one night stands and wantef to be with someone she felt comfortable with (me) but now i feel like she only wanted a one night stand because after we had sex she was different. should i ask ehybshes been ignoring me like what changed? Does it matter? You're not on her radar. Move on.
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