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Hanging out with a girl who has a bf, kind of...

Babolat

By Babolat
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CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

Posted
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If someone was hanging out with my girlfriend like this and having these thoughts

 

1) I'd dump her

2) I'd beat their ass for being a loser(actually I wouldnt have to... she would do far more damage then I ever could and ruin them)

 

As for your self esteem issues, you have them...

 

  • hanging out with a girl that has a boyfriend
  • online dating
  • people that want "serious relationships" dont hang out with people like her in bars

 

your post is so full of dung, you are pulling the "Im going to be the best friend in hopes she sees Im special and different and dates me when shes done with him"

 

The real problem is you are suffering so bad that you can't stand the idea of actually being alone, hence the need for a serious relationship and settling for the first person that throws the hint of someone liking you. This is the worst kind of nice guy that people dont respect and can be labelled as crazy and you will never be able to see this.

 

Hopefully you figure this out and one day can look in the mirror and see this and break this cycle of masochism and being miserable

Edited by CptSaveAho
Carenth Established Member

Carenth

Posted
Posted

I don't think you are really kidding anyone you want this girl and are hoping she dumps her boyfriend and comes jumping into your arms.

 

Basically you say you aren't interested in pursuing her but will jump if she snaps her fingers. You do care or you wouldn't be doing everything she whims. You are basically waiting for sloppy seconds.

Why would you want to be with a girl this immature? Even if something eventuates it will be bad for you because this girl shows that she does not know what the hell she wants and is not loyal. Not exactly good qualities when looking for a girlfriend don't you think?

 

Your posts are full of contradictions as I said at the start you are not really fooling anyone but yourself.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
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Posted
If someone was hanging out with my girlfriend like this and having these thoughts

 

1) I'd dump her

2) I'd beat their ass for being a loser(actually I wouldnt have to... she would do far more damage then I ever could and ruin them)

 

As for your self esteem issues, you have them...

 

  • hanging out with a girl that has a boyfriend
  • online dating
  • people that want "serious relationships" dont hang out with people like her in bars

your post is so full of dung, you are pulling the "Im going to be the best friend in hopes she sees Im special and different and dates me when shes done with him"

 

The real problem is you are suffering so bad that you can't stand the idea of actually being alone, hence the need for a serious relationship and settling for the first person that throws the hint of someone liking you. This is the worst kind of nice guy that people dont respect and can be labelled as crazy and you will never be able to see this.

 

Hopefully you figure this out and one day can look in the mirror and see this and break this cycle of masochism and being miserable

 

Though I get your points, and your intent, you are of on most of your points.

 

I actually like being alone, to the point where I have to make myself go out sometimes.

 

I do not settle for the first woman that shows an interest in me. Quite the opposite. I have turned away, walked away from, more possible relationships in the past 2.5 years than I have in my entrie life. My guy friends joke with me asking how I can prefer to be alone than to be in a relationship, at least having sex. It's pretty easy for me, it's called values, morals, character and respect for myself and the woman. If it's not there for me I am not hanging around because I NEED her attention, I NEED the sex or I am afraid to be alone.

 

I am not miserable; I am actually happy and enjoying my life; just a little confused on the dating front and there is the "void" feeling. Yeah, it would be nice to have a partner to share things with, grow with, etc.

 

I am not Online dating; thought I would try it again, did not feel it, so I am not. I prefer the traditional way to meet new people.

 

You would beat my asss? Really? That's the kind of man you are...go after the guy? It's HIS fault your girl is where she is?

 

If I was the bf I could care less about the man, or who it was. It's her that would bother me. And for all I know, maybe he knows everything, maybe they had a talk 5+ weeks ago, when she came to me to tell me she could not hang out with me anymore after talking to him. He accepted what she said, dealt with it, is now giving her what she needs..I have no idea. I don't ask because I am not going to pursue this woman..how many times have I said that? And maybe she is feeling bad now too; like what did I do, and I may never hear from her again, and that's OK with me.

 

I hang out with her in "bars", really restaurants with a bar, because it's what we both like to do. There is no hidden agenda there. I am not trying to get her drunk to take advantage of her.

 

Masochism and being miserable...get to know me before you toss that out my friend.

 

I appreciate the feedback, really, but don't judge my friend.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
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Posted
I don't think you are really kidding anyone you want this girl and are hoping she dumps her boyfriend and comes jumping into your arms.

 

Basically you say you aren't interested in pursuing her but will jump if she snaps her fingers. You do care or you wouldn't be doing everything she whims. You are basically waiting for sloppy seconds.

Why would you want to be with a girl this immature? Even if something eventuates it will be bad for you because this girl shows that she does not know what the hell she wants and is not loyal. Not exactly good qualities when looking for a girlfriend don't you think?

 

Your posts are full of contradictions as I said at the start you are not really fooling anyone but yourself.

 

My posts, to me, show a process, that as time moves I am thinking clearer and making healthier decisions. I can see where you see contradictions though. Isn't that the point of a post sometimes..to get feedback, listen, process, re-think, learn, grow? Why the judgement?

 

I am not jumping at the snap of her fingers. I am not waiting for sloppy seconds. And you are right, she is acting immature. I am not judging her though as I do not see her as a future gf right now. I see her as someone who is fun to hang out with; I got a little caught up in things on Sunday and now it's time to re-establish boundaries and pull back.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted

There's more spinning coming from the OP here than on a typical episode of Wheel of Fortune.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Posted

Well, what I have realized, what I "felt" Sunday, was being horny, and I am glad my morals, values, character kicked in and I backed off. I also enjoyed being with her as a person, which there is nothing wrong with that so long as boundaries are not crossed. I hugeed her from behind for about 20 seconds, it felt very nice, though I then felt my conscious kick in and I walked away from her. She never touched me nor did she respond to my hug with words or actions.

 

Actually, since I have hung out with her she has never made a move on me or tried to touch me "that way"; it's been all words from her.

 

The confussion some of you have seen here from me is probably a bit of horniness, a bit of a desire to find the right woman, and a bit of a desire to have a relationship.

 

I have to be careful not to mix, confuse, intermingle all of the above; take a day, step away, evaluate, process. Your comments helped me do that, so thank you!

  • 2 weeks later...
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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Update: She texted me today to tell me her bf proposed to her. I told her congrats and good luck. I suggested she resolve why she allowed herself to flirt with me, talk the way she did with me, spend time with me, touch me, etc. She said she has never done this before, she is not a whore and she is very sorry. I reminded her I was fine, I did not allow myself to get emotionally attached to her, and encouraged her to figure it out before she got married.

 

We had plans to go to a concert in September. I told he that was no longer a good idea, and she said that sucks cause she likes me. My reply "Really?!"

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Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
Update: She texted me today to tell me her bf proposed to her. I told her congrats and good luck. I suggested she resolve why she allowed herself to flirt with me, talk the way she did with me, spend time with me, touch me, etc. She said she has never done this before, she is not a whore and she is very sorry. I reminded her I was fine, I did not allow myself to get emotionally attached to her, and encouraged her to figure it out before she got married.

 

We had plans to go to a concert in September. I told he that was no longer a good idea, and she said that sucks cause she likes me. My reply "Really?!"

 

Just stay away from this woman. No good can come of this. You seem to be realizing that.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Just stay away from this woman. No good can come of this. You seem to be realizing that.

 

Yup, and I told her that yesterday..her reply "That sucks!"

 

Deleting her contact info from my phone and email.

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