krz12 Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Figured I'd call in the experts because I really have no clue. Both of us are 26. Anyway: Met a girl online, she lives about an hour away. Texted back and forth for a bit for maybe 3 hours total over the course of a week. Met her for lunch this past Saturday. I suppose it went ok. I didn't kiss her or anything like that as I am not suave enough to pull it off. I bring up the possibility of seeing her again and she seems somewhat open to it. This is the point where girls usually start ignoring me; I've only made it to 1 second date in my life and nothing beyond that. I spent Sunday (6/30) doing my own thing. Tuesday I ask her out for the upcoming Sunday (7/5). She says she will get back to be on Friday (today). Most of Friday goes by, I start to write her off, but she gets back to be an hour ago saying she's available this upcoming Sunday (7/5). I don't have any plans. Gut instinct is telling me I'm the backup guy. I think I should go through with it anyway, since I need the practice, but I would like to know what I am dealing with. Thoughts?
InsaneTrombone Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Even if you are the backup guy, another date is another shot to woo her. His loss if so. 1
Archgirl Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Don't know why you think youre the back up guy. I think you're both playing it so damn cool it's hard to get anything happening. Apathy is not sexy dude. 1
PlumPrincess Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Use it for practice. That's why I thought I should do online dating. Meet guys, check them out. Although to be honest, 99% I don't want to meet.
white Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Don't know why you think youre the back up guy. I think you're both playing it so damn cool it's hard to get anything happening. Apathy is not sexy dude. You're right, he should totally start texting every half hour, demanding to know when she's available and trying to set up dates for the next day.
JustJana Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Figured I'd call in the experts because I really have no clue. Both of us are 26. Anyway: Met a girl online, she lives about an hour away. Texted back and forth for a bit for maybe 3 hours total over the course of a week. Met her for lunch this past Saturday. I suppose it went ok. I didn't kiss her or anything like that as I am not suave enough to pull it off. I bring up the possibility of seeing her again and she seems somewhat open to it. This is the point where girls usually start ignoring me; I've only made it to 1 second date in my life and nothing beyond that. I spent Sunday (6/30) doing my own thing. Tuesday I ask her out for the upcoming Sunday (7/5). She says she will get back to be on Friday (today). Most of Friday goes by, I start to write her off, but she gets back to be an hour ago saying she's available this upcoming Sunday (7/5). I don't have any plans. Gut instinct is telling me I'm the backup guy. I think I should go through with it anyway, since I need the practice, but I would like to know what I am dealing with. Thoughts? I don't get the games? Why worry about being the back up guy, or worry about whether or not you are "suave" enough, just kiss her! Go out with her if you want to see her again! Who cares when she messaged you. I've texted someone I was interested in that day and asked them out for that night. They weren't the back up guy, I just suddenly didn't have work or my nieces or my car was out of the shop or I got done visiting my mom 7 hours earlier than I might have expected and was free. I wanted to see him and hoped he'd be available. I'd have understood if he already had plans but why sit home alone when we could have a nice time?
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 This early in the game competition is irrelevant. You shouldn't even be thinking about it. Keep going out on dates and see if you two have a connection. 2
NJtoDC Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Gut instinct is telling me I'm the backup guy. I think I should go through with it anyway, since I need the practice, but I would like to know what I am dealing with. Thoughts? Try not to over think this. Sounds like you are ready to call it a defeat, despite her agreeing to a second date all because she said she'd get back to you about the date in question. If you are really interested, assume the best. Your attitude and demeanor will reflect your feelings and thoughts and you could otherwise undermine yourself. She could have a legitimate reason she was not able to commit more than two days ahead. Ya'll just 'met' online, had a first date, and now a second to come. She was filling her time with other things before ya'll met. What if she had tentative plans before you asked and thus couldn't commit further ahead? I hope you do not feel burnt if you find she is still dating others. If ya'll met on an online dating site it would make sense if she meets others until you mutually agree to be exclusive. Try not to take that as a slight. It would be unfair to expect without a mutual agreement. Perhaps she'll even tell you why she waited to confirm while on your date. If you ask her about how her week was and tell her you are glad she was able to make it tonight- that may get you an explanation. But either way, try to just relax and see how it goes. Have fun and see if you can secure a third date. Good luck!
nerd Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 My approach - just use it for practice. Ideally, that will help you not care. And I can be *really* smooth when I don't care. It's actually kind of funny. I can be really flirty and clever around unattractive women because I don't care if she wants me, but can't around a hot one. Thing is though - she might have had plans with random, non-romantic friends. And there's really no way to find out without coming off as insecure. That's my biggest annoyance with the whole dating thing. I'd love to somehow know the real reason why someone breaks up with me so I can figure out if it's for something I'm willing to change or not. I know some people are able to get a post-mortem out of their relationships, but I haven't managed to do that yet.
FitChick Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 You never know if she might be some other guy's backup and he may dump her if his first choice comes through. So you may by default become her 'first' guy. So what? You will have the opportunity for her to fall for you .
Author krz12 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 Thanks for the kick in the ass everyone. I'll give it my best.
Recommended Posts