Longtime female friend broke up with her boyfriend a month ago - should I go for it?

[bafflio]

I've known her for two years now as friends. We've hung out 1 on 1 on many occasions - I'd always get her something for her birthday and so did she. I must admit I never got invited to her birthday though (maybe she wants to invite her female friends only?) In terms of contact initiation I think it's mostly me who does that so that's not very encouraging. I'll admit - it seems like she considers me as a friend. She used to be like a sister to me too. But frankly I was interested in her when I first met her and it was her relationship that held me back.

 

Some may say I should have just moved on but I still wanted to get to know her better (in a way I wanted to find a reason to get over her too) and then gradually my feelings abated over the years. But from time to time I have the urge to see her and I'd ask her to hang out and we'd meet. I had never done any physical contact with her.

 

We've had several classes together in the university. Most recently, last semester, we had a group project. I was the leader of the group and set out the deadlines and assignments of our roles. Although all the group members became anxious during the project (I actually had my own assignment for the project pushed back for a day and they were worried as hell - they came to see me and she was one of them). Back then I was too laid back because I was procrastinating like mad - but I wasn't anxious. I knew we could do it if we did our job. So she and I were in charge of editing while the other half of the group was in charge of the presentation. The problem was one of the group members' (not her) submission was really confusing to read. I changed it extensively (basically scrapped the whole part and rewrote it from scratch) and he got really offended. She told me while we were editing together that she got message from him and that he was offended. I told her I'd talk to him, gave him a call and explained what I had to do and tried to soothe him to the best of my abilities. Then I told her what I had done and we should stick with our editing. She also did agree that the guy's part was confusing to read. But when it came down to the presentation she was really nervous and when we were practicing for it she told me how she had a history of flipping out during presentations. I told her she'd be fine - and that we could do extra practice with me. That we did, and she came by several hours before the actual presentation to practice with me. She prepared the hardest and during the presentation she did great. We ended up with awesome grades and everyone was happy. I was happy too.

 

Recently she came to my room and we watched a movie. We had a chat and she said wanted to go for a trip but she wasn't sure if her female friend would be able to come. I said I was also considering going abroad. Then I added if her friend can't make it I can - so let me know. She said okay. I asked her if she knew how much it was. She said she doesn't know. I said I'll do some research and that was that. I'm meeting her soon and I guess I'll bring the topic up again. I will probably try to flirt and touch her gently on the back/arms. Sounds too unnatural but it is indeed so with me..

 

On a different note, some concerns here:

 

1. She may not feel the same way as I do: (well obviously but it's a risk I must take)

2. I may be a rebound: (she has been in - what I know - a single relationship so far in her life which was longer than 5 years. Ugh I can't explain but somehow I think that if she were to try me out then I wouldn't be cast away like a ragdoll - but who knows. On a side note I could tell that she wasn't absolutely happy with her relationship even when I first met her and that was 2 years ago so staying in an unsatisfactory relationship for a long time - may not necessarily be a good thing. But I think she's changing.

3. She may not be interested in a relationship: I am not necessarily looking for commitment right away. I want to see how it goes but I want it to be more than a friendship. I am looking for deeper connection beyond the friendship we've had in the past two years. But I guess the deeper you get involved the more pressure you're bound to feel?

Edited July 6, 2013 by bafflio

[Moe'sTavern]

Did you actually want to be friends with this girl, or were you merely biding your time till she was available?

[bafflio]

Did you actually want to be friends with this girl' date=' or were you merely biding your time till she was available?[/quote']

 

Seeing that she was in a long term relationship, I had given up on her. I wished her all the best in my heart. She is a lovely bubbly person and I enjoyed her company and I didn't feel that aching pain in my heart every time I met her - so I thought I could be friends with her and so I remained. I never showed too much interest in her during our friendship. I'd take her out for lunch to celebrate her birthday (few days after or before her birthday) and she'd come to mine, etc.

 

I'll be frank - before I heard that she broke up with her boyfriend I was thinking of her as a very lovely friend. But now my mind is going weird now that I know she's single. There's a side of me that wants to see how this goes, edging me on.

[c57dood]

I'd say go for it dude. Do it before another guy snatches her up. Better to be you than some other guy.

[Moe'sTavern]

Seeing that she was in a long term relationship, I had given up on her. I wished her all the best in my heart. She is a lovely bubbly person and I enjoyed her company and I didn't feel that aching pain in my heart every time I met her - so I thought I could be friends with her and so I remained. I never showed too much interest in her during our friendship. I'd take her out for lunch to celebrate her birthday (few days after or before her birthday) and she'd come to mine, etc.

 

I'll be frank - before I heard that she broke up with her boyfriend I was thinking of her as a very lovely friend. But now my mind is going weird now that I know she's single. There's a side of me that wants to see how this goes, edging me on.

Well, in the case, you might as well go all in and ask her out. If it's too soon for her, hopefully she'll let you know.

[TheZebra]

Don't go for it. As a girl who came out of a 5 month relationship, I was VERY turned off by my guy 'friends' who were asking me out not even a month after the news came through.

 

Everyone's different with how long it takes to get over a relationship, but a month is too soon.

 

Wait.

[bafflio]

Don't go for it. As a girl who came out of a 5 month relationship, I was VERY turned off by my guy 'friends' who were asking me out not even a month after the news came through.

 

Everyone's different with how long it takes to get over a relationship, but a month is too soon.

 

Wait.

 

What does asking me out mean? To be in a relationship? Or just hanging out? How long should I wait? Is it okay to hang out more often while waiting?