lovebitme Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Alright, so my "longtime" g/f has been rejecting sex a little. The first year together we had a lot of sex but in the mix, it turned out that I was wanting sex all the time and she drifted from her sexual desire. I asked her once why, and she said, "because in the beginning it was something that she had to try to get and now she knows she can have it whenever she wants." That is true for sure! I agree with her. Now, something she did has put me on the upper hand as far as forgiveness. I now hold control once again. O.K. so she begs me for forgiveness but I'm thinking this is the perfect time to show her a little chastity. I know it might sound weird but chastity is the one thing that drives her crazy! I think it might bring the spice back into our sex life if I tell her I love her but I'm going basically punish her with abstinence for awhile. So ladies and gentlemen, what to you think about a little hard to get?
JustAReformedGirl Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Alright, so my "longtime" g/f has been rejecting sex a little. The first year together we had a lot of sex but in the mix, it turned out that I was wanting sex all the time and she drifted from her sexual desire. I asked her once why, and she said, "because in the beginning it was something that she had to try to get and now she knows she can have it whenever she wants." That is true for sure! I agree with her. Now, something she did has put me on the upper hand as far as forgiveness. I now hold control once again. This is somewhat disconcerting. O.K. so she begs me for forgiveness but I'm thinking this is the perfect time to show her a little chastity. I know it might sound weird but chastity is the one thing that drives her crazy! I think it might bring the spice back into our sex life if I tell her I love her but I'm going basically punish her with abstinence for awhile. It might drive her crazy, but I think it's a bit much to use denying sex as a form of punishment. Why does it have to be about whatever she did wrong? Why not just simply say you're withholding it because if you don't give it to her as easily, you know she'll get back her desire for it? So ladies and gentlemen, what to you think about a little hard to get? I think using sex (or lack thereof) as a serious punishment to your partner is a little twisted...but hey, do whatever works, as long as you're not really making her suffer.
veggirl Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Sounds like she just doesn't have a high sex drive. She wasn't even having sex because she enjoyed it, she was having sex because it was basically proving something to her that she could get it (that's why you pulling away will drive her 'crazy'...it's not about the actual sex, it's about her needing/wanting the validation). I think instead of playing games of chastity and abstinence and punishment you should talk to her about your sex drives. If she legit doesn't desire sex on the regular, you have something to think about that is far more serious than the short term games you are planning. 2
Author lovebitme Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 Why not just simply say you're withholding it because if you don't give it to her as easily, you know she'll get back her desire for it? That makes me think. Maybe I should just be strait up and tell her I will deny her to make her crazy for sex. Like, duh, right? Why play such games? 1
JustAReformedGirl Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 That makes me think. Maybe I should just be strait up and tell her I will deny her to make her crazy for sex. Like, duh, right? Why play such games? I think veggiegirl made a better point than I did. But I'm glad you see sense in it.
janedoe67 Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Be careful with your little games - she might like the break from sex and THEN where will you be? Then at least he'll know NOW instead of not knowing until after he marries her.
Thegameoflife Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 True story. A mentally and physically healthy person craves sex regularly. There is something always wrong when a sex drive falls away. It sounds like your gf's sex drive has to do with her psychological state. What she said to you would set off alarm bells in my head. A translation is that it excites her to want what she can't have. She can have you whenever, which isn't exciting. However, she can't have other men. By that thought process, she must find sexual excitement of being with men she can't easily be with. That's heavy motivation to cheat. Since she likes to have to work for it, create challenges for her. Don't just go ahead and start withholding without discussing the dynamic, because she might get discouraged and try with someone else. It's much like parents holding back allowance to encourage their kid to clean their room. At first the kid mows the lawn, takes out the garbage, but thinks their room is good enough. Still no allowance. Eventually they say screw it, and mow the neighbors lawn for extra money, cause they didn't have their task laid out properly. People into D/S play out similar dynamics for things like sex. Do it right and you'll get the results you want. 1
Eggplant Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Tell her you're having sex every ( whatever you want ) and that you'd like for it to be with her but if it isn't you're still going to get yours regardless. No. Don't threaten to cheat on her if she doesn't have sex with you. Yeah... next time my boyfriend leaves me wanting more I'll try that (not). You and she are in a relationship. You need to respect each other and be kind to each other. The rest of the world will treat you like crap -- so don't treat each other like crap as well. Be adult about the situation. Explain to her that you need more. That you're unhappy. And if you are not compatible, bite the bullet and move on from her. If you're going to manipulate and play games and let resentment build and not address the issue full on, then you are giving up on the relationship, and you may as well move on.
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