Exboyfriend within same group of friends

[camillalev]

Hey All,

I'm not sure how to proceed in this situation. Some background info.. We dated last year, it was the worst relationship I've ever been in. We met and he seemed like a great, nice, fun guy. Soon after, I was warned by a mutual friend that he was an *******, frequently yells at his girlfriends while drunk, and cheated in his previous gf. But the friend also backtracked and said, I'm completely different from his former girlfriends, different people have different dynamics, so it's possible that it wouldn't turn out that way.

 

Well, it did. He frequently yelled at me while he was completely wasted, sometimes when I would do nice things for him he would later put it down or make it seem like it was no big deal, he pushed me twice during an argument, accused me of cheating on him, kicked me out of his apartment multiple times late at night, tried to make me feel things were my fault, etc. I also found out he had been hanging out with his ex gf without telling me, I'm absolutely sure they slept together. His girlfriend after me he met while we were still dating, he denies having 'been involved' with her but I have my doubts.

 

During our relationship I also found out that he was a serial cheater... He had a LDR with a girl overseas, she moved here to be with him and while they were living together he began a full-on relationship with another girl. When him and that girl were finally dating, he asked out her best friends little sister to 'hang out'. When they broke up, he told her that they were never really boyfriend and girlfriend to begin with(during the course of their relationship he denied she was his gf). Everyone knows this happened, but he still to this day denies he cheated.. to me at least. Then with his next gf, while they were on-again-off-again, he was seen with his hands all over some girl at a party, she found out, he denied. Then there's me.

 

While we were dating I also heard him talk a lot of c/rap about his own friends and our mutual friends. How they arent talented, they lack ambition, how he wants so much more than they do, etc etc. People who consider him their best friend. Some of his own friends, who found out he was being a d/ick to me came up to me to apologize for his actions, and said he's kind of that way to everyone and he just walks and talks his way out of trouble.

 

We broke up on awful terms, but since we share a group of friends we thought it would be a good idea to stay friends. After a few weeks I went over to his place to meet up then go out for drinks or something. We ended up in an argument, and he told me to get the hell out of his apartment, or else he would put a restraining order on me. Lol.. jesus. This was about a year ago, and we haven't really seen each other much since. If we did, we just said hi, that was it. I don't want anything more. Regardless of the fact that we dated, I just don't like him as a person.

 

 

However, recently he seems to not be ok with our.. situation. I don't even know. I'm cordial when I see him, that's it. But hes been specifically coming up to me after we've said our greetings to try and start a conversation with me, when I'm clearly not interested. He also 'confronted' me about the fact that I'm not enthusiastic when I see him. Wtf?? I don't know what he wants, but I don't want to be his friend. I'm also pretty sure him and his gf broke up, which might be the reason for this behavior. To add to everything else He's also been much, much nicer to my closer friends, who he knows but has never really developed a relationship with. On top of that, if we are hanging out and hes not involved, he will get super.. immature. Recently we were coming back from the beach and when my friend told him over the phone that we werent sure what we were doing next, he began repeating everything she was saying to him back to her, in a whiny-baby voice. basically mocking her.

 

How do I handle this? I'd like to keep him at arms length, but he seems determined to make that difficult.

Edited July 5, 2013 by camillalev

[camillalev]

I wrote a lot, I hope it makes sense. Does anyone have any advice?

[joystickd]

Abusive guy. Well he needs to be dead to you. No more contact. if you do things with friends it has to exclude him.

[camillalev]

I agree. If it were up to me I would never see him again. I wish it were that easy, but he is a part of the group. His best friend is now engaged and getting married to my friend. There are times when we can exclude him from hanging out, but there is no way I can ask that he not be included all the time. Even though people know he's an ******* they at the same time think he's a good friend - He's very funny and charming.

 

Even though I tried to be the bigger person and *hes* the one who rejected my offer for friendship, he now has adopted the attitude of 'you know we share friends right? You can't ignore me forever.'

[joystickd]

I agree. If it were up to me I would never see him again. I wish it were that easy, but he is a part of the group. His best friend is now engaged and getting married to my friend. There are times when we can exclude him from hanging out, but there is no way I can ask that he not be included all the time. Even though people know he's an ******* they at the same time think he's a good friend - He's very funny and charming.

 

Even though I tried to be the bigger person and *hes* the one who rejected my offer for friendship, he now has adopted the attitude of 'you know we share friends right? You can't ignore me forever.'

Then maybe find a new set of friends and take this as a lesson not to date within your social group

[camillalev]

Then maybe find a new set of friends and take this as a lesson not to date within your social group

 

 

Right.. abandon my friends of 8 years. thank you for the great advice.

[darkmoon]

Just be pleasant to him. I don't like it but I think he knows how to push your buttons - why let him manipulate you into what is essentially a less happy version of yourself? srs