Boyfriend is mad I made him wait.....

July 6, 2013

^I get your point. But again I say, as other men have experienced, when a girl is super attracted to you, she screws you in the moment. Theres no dumb waiting clause. The problem is when people put actual dates onto sex stuff.

Like guys with the 3 date rule, or a woman with a rule that says no sex before a month. Its both annoying and a turn off. If a girl was similar to me, and shes had first or second date hookups in the past...Im cool with it as long as she doesnt place some arbitrary limit on me.

If she wants us to take things at a more relaxed pace because we really like each other, then I totally agree with her. If shes simply putting it in her mind "I cant sleep with kaylan until at least date 5 or week 4" then I will be mightily annoyed. Thats when things stop being organic and the girl is treating it like a X-amount-of-time-for-sex transaction. Same for guys and the 3 date rule.

July 6, 2013

Ironically, it seems that the OP's boyfriend actually agrees with most of the women who posted on this thread, in that he did not seem to ask about the girlfriend's sexual history. Things were great until the boyfriend was blindsided and embarrassed running into "scumbag Sal". It probably would have been better for everyone involved if the boyfriend had asked more questions early on. By keeping her boyfriend waiting for 4 months before sex, the boyfriend might have had gotten the wrong impression of the OP. An impression that was shattered running into "scumbag Sal".

Anyway it's good that one's sexual past doesn't matter to you ladies (who have a colorful sexual past) but it does to most guys who have not had a colorful sexual past. I'm sorry if this upsets you but it is what it is.

If someone of either gender wants to keep someone around "forever", (s)he has to be giving more to her/his current partner than (s)he did for past ones, in ways that matter.

July 6, 2013

^I get your point. But again I say, as other men have experienced, when a girl is super attracted to you, she screws you in the moment. Theres no dumb waiting clause. The problem is when people put actual dates onto sex stuff.

Like guys with the 3 date rule, or a woman with a rule that says no sex before a month. Its both annoying and a turn off. If a girl was similar to me, and shes had first or second date hookups in the past...Im cool with it as long as she doesnt place some arbitrary limit on me.

If she wants us to take things at a more relaxed pace because we really like each other, then I totally agree with her. If shes simply putting it in her mind "I cant sleep with kaylan until at least date 5 or week 4" then I will be mightily annoyed. Thats when things stop being organic and the girl is treating it like a X-amount-of-time-for-sex transaction. Same for guys and the 3 date rule.

The 3 date rule isn't the same as a woman holding out for a month or longer. The 3 date rule is done to weed out the ones who are lukewarm. As you said, those who are highly attracted to you don't make you wait. A woman holding out on sex is doing so because she's not that into you. Actions always speak louder than words. She can make you wait a month while giving it up on the first date to someone else. You want someone who's crazy about you, not someone who's on the fence.

July 6, 2013

If she wants us to take things at a more relaxed pace because we really like each other, then I totally agree with her. If shes simply putting it in her mind "I cant sleep with kaylan until at least date 5 or week 4" then I will be mightily annoyed. Thats when things stop being organic and the girl is treating it like a X-amount-of-time-for-sex transaction. Same for guys and the 3 date rule.

Definitely. It's the same exact attitude. Just reversed.

I just take issue with some of the assumptions people are making in this thread and some of the attitudes, namely "if you did X with A, you're depriving me if you don't do it with me!".

July 6, 2013

As you said, those who are highly attracted to you don't make you wait. A woman holding out on sex is doing so because she's not that into you. Actions always speak louder than words. She can make you wait a month while giving it up on the first date to someone else. You want someone who's crazy about you, not someone who's on the fence.

And that's exactly the issue behind this entire thread.

Most guys notice this, most women (Quiet Storm is notable exception) do not.

July 6, 2013

And that's exactly the issue behind this entire thread.

Most guys notice this, most women (Quiet Storm is notable exception) do not.

Some of us don't "notice" it because it's not true for us.

Some of us simply don't have sex right away regardless of how much we're attracted. Some of us take it slow even if we're extremely attracted. It's quite frankly annoying to have everyone think there's something wrong with you if you don't spread your legs immediately.

If people want to keep making these assumptions, fine. No skin off my back. Just stop getting angry at people who don't fit your preconceived notions and who don't give you what you think you're entitled to.

July 6, 2013

I guess most people Ive ever met are just hedonists then. Because all my friends, myself included, have had quick sex with people we were very attracted to. Even the more conservative guys and gals I know didnt wait very long when they dated someone they really liked and were attracted to. And all of these situations were not casual dating. Some were early stages of what became relationships.

July 6, 2013

Some of us don't "notice" it because it's not true for us.

Some of us simply don't have sex right away regardless of how much we're attracted. Some of us take it slow even if we're extremely attracted. It's quite frankly annoying to have everyone think there's something wrong with you if you don't spread your legs immediately.

If people want to keep making these assumptions, fine. No skin off my back. Just stop getting angry at people who don't fit your preconceived notions and who don't give you what you think you're entitled to.

Who said anything about entitlement?

I said multiple times that woman is allowed to do whatever she wants, and that certainly includes as far as having sex with guys she's dating is concerned. What is also certain is that dating anyone isn't an obligation and if woman's approach to sex is such a turnoff, a guy is allowed to stop seeing her.

Or is the ability of saying "no" taken away from a guy, just because he agreed to a date?

I'm becoming increasingly baffled, why this such a simple idea meets so much resistance.

Also, I don't care if woman wants to have sex with a guy right away or wants to make him wait, as long as approach is actually consistent.

Because if it's as in OPs case where douchebag gets instant gratification, whereas good boy is punished by waiting by the very same woman, sorry, not buying that a woman is oh so attracted to a good boy. It can be hard for male ego to swallow, but it is what it is. And ego doesn't have to swallow it, a guy can just part ways and be done with a game player...

July 6, 2013

I guess most people Ive ever met are just hedonists then. Because all my friends, myself included, have had quick sex with people we were very attracted to. Even the more conservative guys and gals I know didnt wait very long when they dated someone they really liked and were attracted to. And all of these situations were not casual dating. Some were early stages of what became relationships.

I wouldn't say the people you know are hedonists. Just different from me. And whether it's waiting long or moving fast is in the eye of the beholder and partially culturally determined. I don't consider a month or two to be long; other people do and would start making assumptions that something's wrong. I'm just saying that it's not necessarily true.

July 6, 2013

You do realize that all this is moot, right?

Odds are, you're not going to know how many people the person you're with has slept with unless you ask.

And by the time you're into the person enough to ask and care, you've most likely developed some emotional attachment.

I honestly think that people who put a lot of "importance" behind pasts are just setting themselves up for a lot of heartache.

IMO, I think it's best to learn to ignore the past and focus on the present and the future. This is also from experience as well.

July 6, 2013

Definitely. It's the same exact attitude. Just reversed.

I just take issue with some of the assumptions people are making in this thread and some of the attitudes, namely "if you did X with A, you're depriving me if you don't do it with me!".

It's not about depriving anybody. Most men don't want to be with somebody that is not turned on by them and if somebody has sex much quicker with somebody else then makes you wait that is a sign that they are not that into you.

If somebody really is not into having sex so soon they would be consistent about it. A woman has the right to do whatever she wants with her own body but a man has the right to not waste his time on a woman who seems to not be hot for him.

July 6, 2013

That's true. He probably should at some point have thrown it out.

Or hidden it better from prying eyes?

July 6, 2013

Or hidden it better from prying eyes?

Or, that too.

But again I say, as other men have experienced, when a girl is super attracted to you, she screws you in the moment. Theres no dumb waiting clause. The problem is when people put actual dates onto sex stuff.

But you are presuming to know what goes through a woman's mind when she decides to sleep with a man. Unless the man is able to read her mind, he simply does not know.

If the woman is 'ripping his clothes off', he assumes it is because she is sexually attracted to him. If the woman isn't 'ripping his clothes off', he assumes she isn't attracted to him sexually. The decision may or may not be just about sexual attraction on her end. Variables range from:

She is rebounding.

She had sex too soon in the past.

She already knows the guy through a social circle, they start dating and have sex early on.

She is interested in a relationship with him early on, and she trusts in it enough to have sex early because she believes he won't bail afterwards.

She wants a meaningless fling.

She likes the guy enough to have sex with, but not enough to want him long-term.

She wants to 'experience', the experience of a ONS

Most women don't have a one track mind when it comes to sex and there are many factors that influence her sex drive more than you realize.

July 6, 2013

Or, that too.

But you are presuming to know what goes through a woman's mind when she decides to sleep with a man. Unless the man is able to read her mind, he simply does not know.

If the woman is 'ripping his clothes off', he assumes it is because she is sexually attracted to him. If the woman isn't 'ripping his clothes off', he assumes she isn't attracted to him sexually. The decision may or may not be just about sexual attraction on her end. Variables range from:

She is rebounding.
She had sex too soon in the past.
She already knows the guy through a social circle, they start dating and have sex early on.
She is interested in a relationship with him early on, and she trusts in it enough to have sex early because she believes he won't bail afterwards.
She wants a meaningless fling.
She likes the guy enough to have sex with, but not enough to want him long-term.
She wants to 'experience', the experience of a ONS

Most women don't have a one track mind when it comes to sex and there are many factors that influence her sex drive more than you realize.

I agree that there are many reasons why a woman wouldn't have sex right away.

But 9 out of 10 men will think this scenario means that the girl wasn't as attracted to him as she was to the guys she had sex right away with.

It's not always about intent, its often about perception. A man can't get into our heads and feel like we do. To them it makes absolutely no sense why a woman would be this way unless it is about attraction. And denying it will only seem like manipulation.

It isn't always fair that people make assumtions and judgements about the intent of our actions. But people do, and this is the world we live in.

It is better to find someone that is compatible. If you do not want to be judged by your past, then find a guy that won't judge you for it. Staying with someone that feels differently and then omitting or lying doesn't benefit anyone. It only hides the incompatibility and prolongs the inevitable.

July 6, 2013

Or, that too.

But you are presuming to know what goes through a woman's mind when she decides to sleep with a man. Unless the man is able to read her mind, he simply does not know.

If the woman is 'ripping his clothes off', he assumes it is because she is sexually attracted to him. If the woman isn't 'ripping his clothes off', he assumes she isn't attracted to him sexually. The decision may or may not be just about sexual attraction on her end. Variables range from:

She is rebounding.
She had sex too soon in the past.
She already knows the guy through a social circle, they start dating and have sex early on.
She is interested in a relationship with him early on, and she trusts in it enough to have sex early because she believes he won't bail afterwards.
She wants a meaningless fling.
She likes the guy enough to have sex with, but not enough to want him long-term.
She wants to 'experience', the experience of a ONS

Most women don't have a one track mind when it comes to sex and there are many factors that influence her sex drive more than you realize.

So we need to consider everything that goes through a womans mind, while gals like you dismiss what goes on in a mans mind and how he feels as well?

Ok...got it.

Most women want to wait and then expect the man to initiate it.

This could be true, but plenty of girls dont wait nowadays and now how to get what they want. Its refreshing =P Edited July 6, 2013 by kaylan

July 6, 2013

This is basically the Thought process I've gotten from most women.

When a woman sees a guy she feels is A "good man" and has LTR potential particularly when she's looking to settle down she will make that guy wait a while for sex. She does this because she wants him to think she's one of the "good girls" and suitable to build something with. Many guys get tricked by this though. The reason some girls sleep with guys NSA or early is not always strictly that she's more physically attracted to those guys more. She just doesn't care if those guys think she's easy or not.

Women always say "men are the gatekeepers to relationships" and its sort of true

July 6, 2013

I agree that there are many reasons why a woman wouldn't have sex right away.

But 9 out of 10 men will think this scenario means that the girl wasn't as attracted to him as she was to the guys she had sex right away with.

That's all well and good, but not my problem.

July 6, 2013

That's all well and good, but not my problem.

It's the original posters problem, though.

It's a common relationship issue.

I've been with my husband 22 years. I have learned that men have very different thought process, motivations, insecurities, than women. (Generally)

I try to understand my husband, rather than try to change him so that he thinks like me. And he does the same for me.

We are different. And its ok. A lot of things about women men don't get, and vice versa.

A woman's past and sexual history are important factors to some men. So this is an issue for some couples. It's a valid relationship problem that shouldn't be minimized. We can't pick what matters to someone else.

July 6, 2013

As the thread starter hasn't logged back on in over a day, we'll table this for now pending their request for further comment/input. Thanks for your participation.

Sign In

Boyfriend is mad I made him wait.....

Recommended Posts

kaylan

Imajerk17

Southern Cal Dude

sweetjasmine

IHateHypocrites

sweetjasmine

kaylan

IHateHypocrites

sweetjasmine

KungFuJoe

Woggle

BradJacobs

Divasu

Quiet Storm

kaylan

Revolver

Divasu

Quiet Storm

William

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...