Boyfriend is mad I made him wait.....

[kaylan]

Yeah, I can see how rational that would be. Coming home to my boyfriend, going off on him for having sex with some girl in the past before he even met/knew me, and wanting to break up over it.

Clearly you missed the points at the bottom. Its not about having sex before he met you. Its the emotions and treatment other "lesser" women get in comparison to you.

 

But nvm, I dont expect some women to be able to understand the analogy unless they end up in a similar situation. Some women say one thing but then do another when they actually experience a situation. My experience has shown me you gals get a lot more jealous and insecure over much lesser things than men do.

 

So I cant believe a girl wouldnt be taken aback by situations like these. Especially when Ive been given drama in the past for stuff not as bad.

[IHateHypocrites]

Oh:

 

My guy is upset about "my timing" with my ex (date, wife) - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum

Boyfriend is mad I made him wait...

[Divasu]

Clearly you missed the points at the bottom. Its not about having sex before he met you. Its the emotions and treatment other "lesser" women get in comparison to you.

 

But nvm, I dont expect some women to be able to understand the analogy unless they end up in a similar situation. Some women say one thing but then do another when they actually experience a situation. My experience has shown me you gals get a lot more jealous and insecure over much lesser things than men do.

 

So I cant believe a girl wouldnt be taken aback by situations like these. Especially when Ive been given drama in the past for stuff not as bad.

 

I do/have gotten jealous, but, it mostly pertains to things in the present.

 

As an example, if I saw a woman hitting on/flirting with a boyfriend. Things like that. I did find a video tape once of my at-the-time boyfriend, with women he was hanging out with before he met me, on spring break and I did get jealous. So yeah, I see your point, feelings can be irrational. How you handle it, and treat the person you're with, is an entirely different story...

[kaylan]

^Sex tape? I hope not a sex tape or tape with hooking up on it. Thatd make a dude an idiot.

[Divasu]

^Sex tape? I hope not a sex tape or tape with hooking up on it. Thatd make a dude an idiot.

 

Nah, my fault. I snooped...

 

It was him in a limo with his friend, and, two women who worked at hooters. They were all touchy feely with one another and it was pretty obvious what was about to go down but it didn't get that far (on the tape).

[Quiet Storm]

Take note ladies.

 

If you've ever acted like a ho-bag in the past, you're pretty much a ho-bag for life at the risk of being dumped.

 

 

And yes - this is clearly slut shaming.

 

 

Nothing chaps my ass more than a man thinking he has a say in what I choose to do with my body or that he has certain "rights" because of past choices I made that had nothing to do with him.

 

 

F*ck that.

 

No man has a say on what you do with your body, but he does have a say in if he wants to be with you or not.

 

Just as you have the right to not date men that care about pasts, men have a right to not date women because of their pasts. Men dump women all the time because of this issue. Some stay with the woman but treat her different. Women can say its not fair and its sexist and a double standard all day long...but that doesn't change reality. Many men do care about our pasts. Right or wrong, insecure, bruised ego, whatever you want to call it. Us bitcching about it won't change them.

 

Instead of hiding or lying about it, women should be up front. Then they can weed out the guys that wouldn't love them for who they are. I don't get it. Why would you want to be with a guy that you can't be real with?

 

Everyone has a right to choose who they date. Fair or not, we judge others. Everybody. Man or woman, has a right to have personal standards regarding who they want as a partner.

 

 

I do think people can change. I know it doesn't feel fair to be judged. I am married to a black guy and have 3 biracial kids. People make false judgements about me every day. It's not fair, but its reality. In light of this unfair reality, I must surround my family with those that don't judge like that.

 

If women don't want to be judged by their past, they need to find guys that don't feel this way. Don't choose a man that would have issues with it and lie to him or omit details that you know he'd have issues with. That's manipulative.

 

Most men don't want their friends talking about their gfs sex life. They don't want to feel like some jerk was more special to you then them. They want to be the guy that you can't keep your hands off of. Men will assume that you were more sexually attracted to the guys you don't wait for. That thought does damage their ego. Men also hate to feel stupid or manipulated, and the loss of trust is huge in a relationship. Whether its insecurity or ego, unfair or sexist, its something that many men feel.

[Southern Cal Dude]

No man has a say on what you do with your body, but he does have a say in if he wants to be with you or not.

 

Just as you have the right to not date men that care about pasts, men have a right to not date women because of their pasts. Men dump women all the time because of this issue. Some stay with the woman but treat her different. Women can say its not fair and its sexist and a double standard all day long...but that doesn't change reality. Many men do care about our pasts. Right or wrong, insecure, bruised ego, whatever you want to call it. Us bitcching about it won't change them.

 

Instead of hiding or lying about it, women should be up front. Then they can weed out the guys that wouldn't love them for who they are. I don't get it. Why would you want to be with a guy that you can't be real with?

 

Everyone has a right to choose who they date. Fair or not, we judge others. Everybody. Man or woman, has a right to have personal standards regarding who they want as a partner.

 

 

I do think people can change. I know it doesn't feel fair to be judged. I am married to a black guy and have 3 biracial kids. People make false judgements about me every day. It's not fair, but its reality. In light of this unfair reality, I must surround my family with those that don't judge like that.

 

If women don't want to be judged by their past, they need to find guys that don't feel this way. Don't choose a man that would have issues with it and lie to him or omit details that you know he'd have issues with. That's manipulative.

 

Most men don't want their friends talking about their gfs sex life. They don't want to feel like some jerk was more special to you then them. They want to be the guy that you can't keep your hands off of. Men will assume that you were more sexually attracted to the guys you don't wait for. That thought does damage their ego. Men also hate to feel stupid or manipulated, and the loss of trust is huge in a relationship. Whether its insecurity or ego, unfair or sexist, its something that many men feel.

 

 

Agreed. I'm also bi-racial, though 1/4 not 1/2.

[Woggle]

It's like men are not allowed to do anything to protect ourselves from future heartbreak without being called insecure and sexist.

[Drseussgrrl]

No man has a say on what you do with your body, but he does have a say in if he wants to be with you or not.

 

Just as you have the right to not date men that care about pasts, men have a right to not date women because of their pasts. Men dump women all the time because of this issue. Some stay with the woman but treat her different. Women can say its not fair and its sexist and a double standard all day long...but that doesn't change reality. Many men do care about our pasts. Right or wrong, insecure, bruised ego, whatever you want to call it. Us bitcching about it won't change them.

 

Instead of hiding or lying about it, women should be up front. Then they can weed out the guys that wouldn't love them for who they are. I don't get it. Why would you want to be with a guy that you can't be real with?

 

Everyone has a right to choose who they date. Fair or not, we judge others. Everybody. Man or woman, has a right to have personal standards regarding who they want as a partner.

 

 

I do think people can change. I know it doesn't feel fair to be judged. I am married to a black guy and have 3 biracial kids. People make false judgements about me every day. It's not fair, but its reality. In light of this unfair reality, I must surround my family with those that don't judge like that.

 

If women don't want to be judged by their past, they need to find guys that don't feel this way. Don't choose a man that would have issues with it and lie to him or omit details that you know he'd have issues with. That's manipulative.

 

Most men don't want their friends talking about their gfs sex life. They don't want to feel like some jerk was more special to you then them. They want to be the guy that you can't keep your hands off of. Men will assume that you were more sexually attracted to the guys you don't wait for. That thought does damage their ego. Men also hate to feel stupid or manipulated, and the loss of trust is huge in a relationship. Whether its insecurity or ego, unfair or sexist, its something that many men feel.

 

Well, I don't date men who have ever cared. And I even had a kid I gave up for adoption 13 years ago.

 

 

But I'm not going to sleep with a dude I'm dating right off the bat just because I have in the past, if I'm not ready to.

 

 

I don't "owe" a guy ANYTHING.

[Woggle]

Well, I don't date men who have ever cared. And I even had a kid I gave up for adoption 13 years ago.

 

 

But I'm not going to sleep with a dude I'm dating right off the bat just because I have in the past, if I'm not ready to.

 

 

I don't "owe" a guy ANYTHING.

 

You don't owe him anything and a man does not owe a woman a relationship if he finds out how differently she treated the players and the jerks in the past. He doesn't owe you anything either.

[Drseussgrrl]

You don't owe him anything and a man does not owe a woman a relationship if he finds out how differently she treated the players and the jerks in the past. He doesn't owe you anything either.

 

Where have I ever claimed they should?

[Southern Cal Dude]

Where have I ever claimed they should?

 

 

You said you don't owe a guy anything. Woggle said men don't owe women anything. Why the sarcastic response?

[IHateHypocrites]

Where have I ever claimed they should?

 

What's the problem with saying "Yes, I agree with that" instead of abrupt, rude response like that? Are you really having hard time with admitting stuff like that works both ways?

[Quiet Storm]

Well, I don't date men who have ever cared. And I even had a kid I gave up for adoption 13 years ago.

 

 

But I'm not going to sleep with a dude I'm dating right off the bat just because I have in the past, if I'm not ready to.

 

 

I don't "owe" a guy ANYTHING.

 

You wouldn't owe him anything, and I never said that.

[Drseussgrrl]

Dude. The entire premise of this thread is basically that a woman should put out fast to make a dude feel special and wanted, if she's had sex quickly in the past. It has nothing to do with how quickly a man commits, or if he does.

 

This is going around in circles now.

 

 

Bottom line, talking sexual histories is not something I do with men I date and its got nothing to do with hiding anything. It's simply that to me, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

[Quiet Storm]

Dude. The entire premise of this thread is basically that a woman should put out fast to make a dude feel special and wanted, if she's had sex quickly in the past. It has nothing to do with how quickly a man commits, or if he does.

 

This is going around in circles now.

 

 

Bottom line, talking sexual histories is not something I do with men I date and its got nothing to do with hiding anything. It's simply that to me, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

 

It does matter to some people, though, and that's okay.

[kaylan]

Glad too see good ole Quiet Storm posting after she was seemingly summoned in a previous post

Nah, my fault. I snooped...

 

It was him in a limo with his friend, and, two women who worked at hooters. They were all touchy feely with one another and it was pretty obvious what was about to go down but it didn't get that far (on the tape).

Lol, hes still an idiot for having it in the first place and then keeping it when meeting a new girl.

[IHateHypocrites]

Dude. The entire premise of this thread is basically that a woman should put out fast to make a dude feel special and wanted, if she's had sex quickly in the past. It has nothing to do with how quickly a man commits, or if he does.

 

This is going around in circles now.

 

 

Bottom line, talking sexual histories is not something I do with men I date and its got nothing to do with hiding anything. It's simply that to me, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

 

No.

 

A woman is not obligated to do anything. But neither is a guy in question. A woman can "put out" as fast as she wants to or not at all. And a guy can respond by not liking it and stopping to see her.

 

What's so troublesome about it?

[kaylan]

Dude. The entire premise of this thread is basically that a woman should put out fast to make a dude feel special and wanted, if she's had sex quickly in the past. It has nothing to do with how quickly a man commits, or if he does.

 

This is going around in circles now.

 

Bottom line, talking sexual histories is not something I do with men I date and its got nothing to do with hiding anything. It's simply that to me, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

It never seems to matter to the girls who get around. But for the girls who dont get around as much, and feel a more emotional response with sex (which keeps them for hooking up as much), those girls are usually forthright about their histories and care about a guys history as well.

 

Again, it seems to be the men and women with colorful pasts who dont wish to divulge any info. My past isnt dull, but it isnt the most colorful. But as I said earlier, if I was Mr Conservative, or Mr Slutbag, Id still be open about my past with a woman. Im not ashamed of what Ive done. Not everyone can say that though.

[GoodOnPaper]

Most men don't want their friends talking about their gfs sex life. They don't want to feel like some jerk was more special to you then them. They want to be the guy that you can't keep your hands off of. Men will assume that you were more sexually attracted to the guys you don't wait for. That thought does damage their ego. Men also hate to feel stupid or manipulated, and the loss of trust is huge in a relationship. Whether its insecurity or ego, unfair or sexist, its something that many men feel.

 

There seems to be a big Mars/Venus disconnect in this thread. Most of the men's concerns center around degree of attraction. Not a single woman who has posted on this thread has said that they are as or more attracted to the guys who they make wait compared to the guys they don't make wait.

 

I certainly agree that no one should have sex if he or she isn't comfortable with it, and I agree that details of past sexual histories are usually best left in the past. However, in this thread, the cat is out of the bag and the BF has as much right to his own feelings about the situation as the OP does for waiting with certain guys and not with others.

[kaylan]

All this being said, with the exception of my ex who was a virgin back when we dated, Ive never had women make me outright wait for sex. Im used to them wanting to jump on me rather quickly, so I can understand why some folks would feel flighted if their partner easily jumped into bed with "lesser" folks in the past.

 

As someone said before, if you truly make a girl tingle down there, shes not gonna use some stupid sexual wait clause on you.

 

Lastly, there is no big mars/venus disconnect here. Its all gender bias. Ive seen threads similar to this issue on womens forums, and the responses flip when the genders flip. People generally throw themselves into the viewpoint of their gender whenever dating issues arise. But the responses arent much different when you gender swap.

 

Think about it. Look at marriage forums, and see how some women respond if a guy says hes not attracted to his wifes weight gain. He gets more male support, while a bulk of the ladies are going on about "loving her no matter what she looks like". Even though the guy said he wasnt attracted, not that he didnt love her. Its same way women get loads of female support if they complain about their chubby hubby.

Edited July 6, 2013 by kaylan

[Woggle]

I have to respect Quiet Storm for always being even handed.

[Divasu]

Lol, hes still an idiot for having it in the first place and then keeping it when meeting a new girl.

 

That's true. He probably should at some point have thrown it out.

[pcplod]

I couldn't respect you becuase of what you didn't do with 'B' and then something else with 'A' but becuase you seem to think it perfectly okay to play mind-games with people in order to meet your objectives. You are manipulative and poisonous. I don't even care if your defence is that is what lots of people do every day. I'd toss your arse, without blinking, without a moment's hesitation and without a single backward glance.

[sweetjasmine]

You don't owe him anything and a man does not owe a woman a relationship if he finds out how differently she treated the players and the jerks in the past. He doesn't owe you anything either.

 

If that's the case, why get mad?

 

Anger implies resentment. Resentment implies entitlement.

 

It never seems to matter to the girls who get around. But for the girls who dont get around as much, and feel a more emotional response with sex (which keeps them for hooking up as much), those girls are usually forthright about their histories and care about a guys history as well.

 

Again, it seems to be the men and women with colorful pasts who dont wish to divulge any info. My past isnt dull, but it isnt the most colorful. But as I said earlier, if I was Mr Conservative, or Mr Slutbag, Id still be open about my past with a woman. Im not ashamed of what Ive done. Not everyone can say that though.

 

Not necessarily so. I'm a fairly conservative person. I've never in my life had casual sex. Ever. I do care, to some extent, about my partner's past. I've made it a point to seek out people in my life who have similar attitudes.

 

But I still don't view sex as a transaction, as something that one person gives to the other, as something I'm entitled to, as something that's scheduled like a dental cleaning, etc. And that makes all the difference in the world. And it makes me find this whole "well she had sex on the first date once; therefore, she must be FORCING me to wait if she doesn't put out immediately!" thing a bunch of BS.