Boyfriend is mad I made him wait.....

[AlexDP]

Also, to be clear and to make the distinction: critical thought is not thinking that the government is hiding aliens in Area 51. That is retard thought.

 

I've noticed how many Americans cannot seem to get that right.

[ScreamingTrees]

I don't know about anyone else here, but I'd like to be with someone who enjoys having sex.. And I'd find it manipulative and insincere of a person to suddenly experience a 180 degree shift in their sexual outlook/behavior in such a short period of time.. What exactly is the motivation behind this drastic change? How do I know that they won't suddenly revert back to their casual view of sex when they've GOT me "wrapped around their finger"?

 

Figures that the OP can change her moral standards to match the guy she's with. Fickle. Is that the kind of woman your average joe wants to be with?

[BradJacobs]

I went out with a women who told me she had ONS and was planning to have hookup that night. I was in rage and didnt even want to look at her. so disgusting.

I think most people (men and women) would be turned off by this. The difference is that most of us wouldn't be enraged by it. Perhaps you need to do a better job of screening out these kinds of people so you don't get so worked up?

 

women opening their legs so quickly just for pleasure, no love, passion, no emotions, nothing ...

 

women are not supposed to be like this.

Why? Women have as much right to do this as men do.

 

You are perfectly free to feel that the women you want too be in relationships with should not behave or act like this but the female sex as a whole is much larger than your very narrow preferences on partners.

 

I'm almost curious as to why you think those trysts are devoid of passion and emotions? I have found they are anything but what you are trying to make them out to be.

[ScreamingTrees]

I think most people (men and women) would be turned off by this. The difference is that most of us wouldn't be enraged by it. Perhaps you need to do a better job of screening out these kinds of people so you don't get so worked up?

 

 

Why? Women have as much right to do this as men do.

 

You are perfectly free to feel that the women you want too be in relationships with should not behave or act like this but the female sex as a whole is much larger than your very narrow preferences on partners.

 

I'm almost curious as to why you think those trysts are devoid of passion and emotions? I have found they are anything but what you are trying to make them out to be.

 

Just short-term bursts of passion that have no meaning attached to them. That's really it. I do believe that it's rather easier for those folks to have no real emotional attachment to their flings, with plenty of folks even thinking less of them as a person for having "given it up" so quickly..

 

It's just common sense, though. If a girl could have such a passionate fling with one guy, but goes through this unnecessary ritual for you.. What the f***k? Bless the sad sap who's desperate enough to actually go through with it, he's being manipulated and she's having her cake and eating it. Can't feel too bad for the guy for putting the P on the P..

 

Getting to have wild passionate sex with some scumbag who could spit in her face when he's done using her as a sperm receptacle, and then putting time/conditional restraints on her "relationship" with some other doofus who has this stubborn sort of unnecessary idealistic chivalrous mindset of how things should be..

 

I don't think that all guys who are having these wild, passionate, stringless encounters are like that.. I know a few who are genuinely nice guys who make it clear that they're totally casual.. But you know a girl would be lucky to meet a good guy like that in a bar or club or similar venue..

 

So mr. doofus is basically no longer a man, but a damn welcome mat, an ATM machine.. For what? She's not THAT passionate with the guy. If she liked him enough, she'd probably show it, and it wouldn't take nearly half of a year for the engine to even rev up.. Jesus butt*****g christ..

 

EDIT: Check out the thread "A man who wants to wait for sex?" The responses are rather telling. In total contradiction to the sort of **** in this thread. If the guy waits, he's a leper, something is totally wrong with him. People are actually saying it's counter-productive to wait if you're looking for a relationship.. So... Could you blame the man in OP's tale for being a bit angry? Maybe he wants a relationship a bit more than she does?

Edited July 6, 2013 by ScreamingTrees

[Divasu]

Men are sexual hypocrites

[BradJacobs]

I'll put this another way...

 

We want a woman who makes us feel like a man. Who makes us feel masculine and alive. And yes, a big part of how masculine you make us feel (or we find ourselves feeling with you) is how you are with us versus how you are with other guys, AND versus how you were with your pasts.

 

How soon you slept with us versus other guys is part of it but it's only part of it. It's also how much of yourself you give to us (sexually is a huge percentage of that), versus what you gave to other guys.

 

Just as you women want a man who makes you feel like a woman.

 

This won't come up in a casual dating situation. It WILL come up in a more serious dating situation when we are considering you for our life partner.

 

I do hope everyone reading this thread considers this.

LOL no. Never. Pandora's Box needs to remain closed.

 

I might be in the minority here but my current girl has some moves and techniques that I didn't teach her and that I've never experienced before in my life. Someone taught her those things. Do I care? No. Did I ever ask? Nope because I'm receiving the benefit of their work so why would I spoil it with a nonsense question?

 

And only since you brought it up ....

 

What's more masculine?

(a) A man that accepts his partner chose him and doesn't care about her past.

(b) A man who needs to know that he's better than his predecessors else he feels emasculated.

 

There's nothing masculine about insecurity.

[Drseussgrrl]

Well if he didn't want to wait four months he didn't have to.

 

I don't see why he's this poor victim.

[Woggle]

Well if he didn't want to wait four months he didn't have to.

 

I don't see why he's this poor victim.

 

I never said he is the victim but I don't think a man is wrong for looking at this as a red flag.

[ScreamingTrees]

LOL no. Never. Pandora's Box needs to remain closed.

 

I might be in the minority here but my current girl has some moves and techniques that I didn't teach her and that I've never experienced before in my life. Someone taught her those things. Do I care? No. Did I ever ask? Nope because I'm receiving the benefit of their work so why would I spoil it with a nonsense question?

 

And only since you brought it up ....

 

What's more masculine?

(a) A man that accepts his partner chose him and doesn't care about her past.

(b) A man who needs to know that he's better than his predecessors else he feels emasculated.

 

There's nothing masculine about insecurity.

 

No, but y'know what's worse than all of that? Being cuckolded, risking getting STDs from some ******* dirt bag who doesn't know you or care about you, because you trusted the person you're with, because you didn't want to risk looking "insecure".. Being with someone who is still seeing the other guys behind your back. Forget that noise, man.

 

Asking at least SOME questions, even if on the vague end, would help to further determine what sort of person they've been to their core and are 99% likely to continue to be. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

[ScreamingTrees]

Well if he didn't want to wait four months he didn't have to.

 

I don't see why he's this poor victim.

 

He's not a victim, he's just an idiot.

[IHateHypocrites]

Getting to have wild passionate sex with some scumbag who could spit in her face when he's done using her as a sperm receptacle, and then putting time/conditional restraints on her "relationship" with some other doofus who has this stubborn sort of unnecessary idealistic chivalrous mindset of how things should be..

When I think about it, it would be bad if a girl actually introduced those rituals in direct response to be objectified by some scumbag. Bad as in I'd feel sorry for being traumatized by some dbag like that. But feeling permanently sorry for my gf is not what I'm looking for. Plus, handling a trauma may be better left for professionals and not some random guy she's dating. Therefore, move on.

[KungFuJoe]

BradJacobs,

 

Your attitude rules. And yes, the things you say that a man should be is 100% correct.

 

Unfortunately, I think most men have insecurity when it comes to their woman's past partners. It's caveman theory and more specifically, paternity certainty that makes us oh so wary of who our gfs/wives have been with in the past.

 

It's rooted in our DNA and it's very very hard to "shake". You can sit and logically deduce that just because she made us wait, doesn't mean she wants us less...but our primitive and carnal portion of our brain will continue to eff with us, saying, "She wanted that other guy more."

 

Our brains can be our worst enemies at times.

[ScreamingTrees]

When I think about it, it would be bad if a girl actually introduced those rituals in direct response to be objectified by some scumbag. Bad as in I'd feel sorry for being traumatized by some dbag like that. But feeling permanently sorry for my gf is not what I'm looking for. Plus, handling a trauma may be better left for professionals and not some random guy she's dating. Therefore, move on.

 

Well, it'd be more of a shame if she was just naive and screwed up once but continued to be an "easy lay" for those guys looking for that sort of thing. I wouldn't blame her for that, but I think it's pretty easy to tell when they've got a pattern of messing around with filthy man-sluts.. Don't care how they live their life, but I'm not compatible, simple as that.

[kaylan]

She was dating both of them at the same time in the beginning a la "He found out that I had "dated" a guy he knows tangentially". Dirt bag Sal got the goodies while John got blue balls becuase she was conforming to his (conservative) behavior.

 

This reminds me of some of the threads that pop up here now and again where a man posts his GF won't do xyz with him but found out she did everything under the sun with past men. Ninjainpajamas had a great point in that some women will conform to the men becuase they don't want to lose them and be judged as xyz. Mind you the men want to do xyz.

 

Wait a minute....OP was dating both at the same time and put out for the other guy? Did I miss that? If so, what are women here arguing about...thats VERY messed up.

 

So the waiting thing wouldnt be my only problem. Its that she also basically cuckolded the guy while getting her needs met on the side. How the hell does a guy not feel like shes less attracted to him when a chick does that?

[Divasu]

Wait a minute....OP was dating both at the same time and put out for the other guy? Did I miss that? If so, what are women here arguing about...thats VERY messed up.

 

Nope, OP never stated that. If that IS the case, that changes everything.

 

Funnily enough, OP hasn't weighed in a quite a while.

[KungFuJoe]

Wait a minute....OP was dating both at the same time and put out for the other guy? Did I miss that? If so, what are women here arguing about...thats VERY messed up.

 

So the waiting thing wouldnt be my only problem. Its that she also basically cuckolded the guy while getting her needs met on the side. How the hell does a guy not feel like shes less attracted to him when a chick does that?

 

This thread has basically taken a life of its own but I think it was discovered a while back that the story was fabricated by op.

[kaylan]

for me, nothing would help. it says everything to me when a women does ONS and not in a good way. mistake or not, it would be over. there is nothing to talk about here. I hate women who have ONS. not a girl I want to deal with. and not the way she did it.

 

When I was a wedding photographer you cannot imagine the amount of ONS I could have had. never once did I succumb to the temptation. its wrong.

Well technically she didnt have a ONS. It was first date sex, so she knew the guy and still knows him. One night stands are essentially one offs with strangers you never see again.

 

Its kinda why I dont consider my "ONS" a real one night stand. Especially because we had sex a second time months later.

[WisdomSeeker]

While I intellectually acknowledge the OP's right to govern her sexuality as she sees fit, I admit that I too would be somewhat incensed were I in her boyfriend's shoes. The OP meets Sal and decides to have sex with him in very short order. That means that Sal only had to exchange a small amount of his time and companionship for sexual access. On the other hand, the OP demands that John offer quite a bit more (commitment, LTR, etc.) for equivalent access.

 

It strikes me as unfair. If the OP were consistent in what she demanded for access to her sexuality (if all of her former lovers were forced to abstain for months), then I would have no problems following suit. Since that isn't the case, I cannot imagine investing so much of my commitment into a woman when she has accepted far less from my predecessors.

[ScreamingTrees]

Nope, OP never stated that. If that IS the case, that changes everything.

 

Funnily enough, OP hasn't weighed in a quite a while.

 

tangentially - definition of tangentially by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.

 

It's quite possible that she did see them simultaneously at some point. Perhaps she dated the guy around the time that she was first seeing the guy, but they weren't "serios"?

 

Even if OP was fabricated, this sort of **** happens.

[kaylan]

This thread has basically taken a life of its own but I think it was discovered a while back that the story was fabricated by op.

Well, the question does exist on a couple of other forums, but I wouldnt say that makes it a fake thread. OP uses the same username and the threads are recent. Seems like she wanted as much advice as possible. Ive done that before some time ago.

[Divasu]

tangentially - definition of tangentially by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.

 

It's quite possible that she did see them simultaneously at some point. Perhaps she dated the guy around the time that she was first seeing the guy, but they weren't "serios"?

 

Even if OP was fabricated, this sort of **** happens.

 

Yes, and it's quite possible she is secretly a unicorn. And yes, I realize this type of thing happens all the time.

[kaylan]

Ladies, men want to feel sexy and attractive too. When a BF finds out what the op's did, he does not feel she's really into him.

This is what some women arguing dont get, and some seemed to ignore my analogy post on page 3.

 

I know for a fact most women would not handle that situation well. Ive had girls get jealous and insecure of MUCH less. And with how some women here feel about guys whove had sex outside of relationships, I know for a FACT my analogy would bother most women.

 

Read it if you missed it.

 

Everything Imajerk17 said two posts up is spot on, especially the ending analogy. Heres another.

 

Lets say Im exclusively dating a girl for about a few months. Things are going well, theres good emotional connection and physical intimacy, and we are close to saying the L word.

 

So lets say she has a girls night out one day with her friends, and friends of her friends (new acquaintances). Now lets say they all start talking about sex at some point in the evening, and recounting the facts of the best sex they ever had. As the girls share their story, one girl that my gf just met mentions an encounter with a really sexy guy she had only met a couple times before they bumped into one another in a local bar.

 

The girl proceeds to share a steamy recounting of few sex-capades with the sexy guy. She mentions the way he speaks to her, the way he touches her, the way he made her feel. And she finishes up her story by mentioning "he had a really cool heart tattoo on his chest with a lightning bolt through it". Now my girlfriend asks what the guys hair was like, and when the other girl replies, my girlfriend walks out of the bar in shock.

 

Later we have a conversation about it and shes upset at how I could make screw some girl I barely knew (and didnt have a relationship with) and make her feel in a similar way to the way I make her feel when we make love.

 

Tell me girls, how would you feel if you were that girlfriend? Knowing that a guy like me is a very passionate and generous lover inside and outside of relationships? Would you feel that diminished what we have together?

 

My point is that finding out from someone else, that the person you cared about screw them, just hurts. People dont like knowing the faces of someone their lover screwed in the past. And it can hurt even more to know the person you care about just jumped into bed without them quickly without a care in the world. Its even worse when that person your mate slept with is someone you dont have a high opinion of.

Edited July 6, 2013 by kaylan

[KungFuJoe]

I have to be perfectly honest and say that I think *I* would probably be a bit..."upset" (not sure if that's the right word) if I learned my gf made me wait but had sex quickly with other guys. Would it be a deal breaker? No. I'd get over it because I'm with her for who she IS, not who she slept with.

[Divasu]

This is what some women arguing dont get, and some seemed to ignore my analogy post on page 3.

 

I know for a fact most women would not handle that situation well. Ive had girls get jealous and insecure of MUCH less. And with how some women here feel about guys whove had sex outside of relationships, I know for a FACT my analogy would bother most women.

 

Read it if you missed it.

 

Yeah, I can see how rational that would be. Coming home to my boyfriend, going off on him for having sex with some girl in the past before he even met/knew me, and wanting to break up over it.

[Southern Cal Dude]

This thread has basically taken a life of its own but I think it was discovered a while back that the story was fabricated by op.

 

 

It was. The same thread is on CityData.