Boyfriend is mad I made him wait.....

July 6, 2013

If a guy buys a bouquet of flowers for his first date with one lady, he needs to do it with every other first date henceforth, or else he's making them wait and making chumps out of them.

So where are my g-d flowers, eh?!

On a somewhat tangential note, does anyone else find it extremely tacky to discuss details of your sex life with other people, even ones in your social circle? I mean, really.

If an ex got the full gentleman treatment and you didn't you would have every right to wonder if he was really into. I am not a hypocrite about this.

July 6, 2013

Dude. If he's the nice guy getting friend zoned left and right I dunno, maybe he should work on his lady skills instead of trying to make me feel badly about myself?

But with some women thought certainly not all or even most the only a man can create that sexual attraction is by being a jerk or a player. If a man just is not the player type and he is with a woman who can't only get wet for players then why shouldn't he move on?

July 6, 2013

I dont have to be ashamed of my body.

That's cool.

But, this topic has veered off into a completely different subject.

The OP's bf is upset that he had to wait. Not, a difference in personal values...

July 6, 2013

No, there is nothing in the original post that leads me to believe she was multi-dating/multi-sexing.

What part of tangentially don't you understand? Mabye she has a geometry fetish and threw the word in.

July 6, 2013

I don't care if a woman has had some casual sex, were human. But to have sex with another man while dating me is a deal breaker. Even if it was once.

July 6, 2013

So if a woman has sex on the first date one time she needs to have sex with every guy on the first time or else she's a hypocrite? Maybe if a woman has sex on the first date she then realizes that it was a mistake and she doesn't want to do it again with the next guy.

I'm a guy and I think guys with your views are ridicilous. It has nothing to do with punishing you for treating her well and rewarding scumbags. People learn from mistakes.

Look.

I believe anyone (woman on man) can do whatever the hell they want in general. But they have to accept that fact that anything they do may have its consequences (legal, social, health-wise, monetary or otherwise). That's basically how being a free adult works as far as I understand. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

If I'm right, apply this line of thinking to the situation. OP had sex on a first day with some douchebag guy. Did she had a right to? Of course. For whatever reason she wants to make other guy wait. Does she have a right to make him wait? Why would she not? It's an offer.

Question: does a guy have a right to refuse the offer of waiting for sex, faced with fact that someone else didn't have to, which means breaking up? If not, why not?

What's so ridiculous about any of that?

BTW I find it deeply troubling that you assume having sex on a first date MUST absolutely be a mistake. Both parties more than likely knew where it's heading for a while and have had opportunities to stop it if they didn't want to. They didn't at any point. My conclusion is - they wanted it. If at least one side didn't, it would be a rape, wouldn't it?

July 6, 2013

Life is pretty short to be going around letting people's personal lives piss you off.

How exhausting that would be.

I went out with a women who told me she had ONS and was planning to have hookup that night. I was in rage and didnt even want to look at her. so disgusting. I dont walk around with this hate, but when I hear and read women opening their legs so quickly just for pleasure, no love, passion, no emotions, nothing, it just fires me up. women are not supposed to be like this.

but im just an old fashioned traditional guy when it comes to courting and dating. but thats why im very successful in dating. I hate the direction dating is going. its the "everything goes" attitude and I just hate it. remind me a bit of the studio 54 era. too many clueless single people today. everyone hides behind their screens and no one gives a crap to make an effort. move on, there's more fish in the sea is what the attitude is. it sucks.

July 6, 2013

If an ex got the full gentleman treatment and you didn't you would have every right to wonder if he was really into. I am not a hypocrite about this.

If I didn't get the gentleman treatment, I wouldn't be with him because gentleman-like behavior is something I look for. If the troll's imaginary boyfriend had a problem with waiting 4 hypothetical months, he shouldn't have hypothetically stuck around. If you're already resentful about something and if you view sex as a transaction where one party GIVES something to the other, you're obviously going to be pissed when something like this happens. If you don't hold those views of sex, this won't affect you at all.

My H bought a nice gold bracelet for one of his ex-gf. I know because I was helping him clean out his stuff, and he told me the story when we came across the receipt.

Guess what I didn't do? Stomp my foot on the ground and demand he buy me a gold bracelet immediately because he hadn't yet done so. Imagine that.

July 6, 2013

for me, nothing would help. it says everything to me when a women does ONS and not in a good way. mistake or not, it would be over. there is nothing to talk about here. I hate women who have ONS. not a girl I want to deal with. and not the way she did it.

When I was a wedding photographer you cannot imagine the amount of ONS I could have had. never once did I succumb to the temptation. its wrong.

Yet, you also believe that a woman needs to have sex with you in 3-5 dates or less gauging on your other posts... especially 'older' women. They are the ones who supposedly 'put out' quicker and you like that.

I fail to see the difference in your approach. You still believe in sex with strangers from what I can tell.

July 6, 2013

I went out with a women who told me she had ONS and was planning to have hookup that night. I was in rage and didnt even want to look at her. so disgusting. I dont walk around with this hate, but when I hear and read women opening their legs so quickly just for pleasure, no love, passion, no emotions, nothing, it just fires me up. women are not supposed to be like this.
but im just an old fashioned traditional guy when it comes to courting and dating. but thats why im very successful in dating. I hate the direction dating is going. its the "everything goes" attitude and I just hate it. remind me a bit of the studio 54 era. too many clueless single people today. everyone hides behind their screens and no one gives a crap to make an effort. move on, there's more fish in the sea is what the attitude is. it sucks.

Well who do you think these women are doing it with? LOL

July 6, 2013

That's cool.

But, this topic has veered off into a completely different subject.

The OP's bf is upset that he had to wait. Not, a difference in personal values...

I think us guys are having the problem with her sleeping with the other guy. making him wait would be fine if she never slept with the other guy just for pleasure. its very emasculating to a man and makes him feel like hes not attractive that he had to wait so long when the other guy hit a home run so quickly. its because she was attracted to sal very badly. with mr wait, not so and I understand him. its a huge blow to the male ego. and he waitied a long time. 4 months vs 1 time? sheeyet, if youre attracted to guy, no way in hell you would wait 4 months. thats very hard to hear. I would walk away. poor guy. I never had that situation but I can understand him.

July 6, 2013

went out with a women who told me she had ONS and was planning to have hookup that night. I was in rage and didnt even want to look at her. so disgusting. I dont walk around with this hate, but when I hear and read women opening their legs so quickly just for pleasure, no love, passion, no emotions, nothing, it just fires me up. women are not supposed to be like this.

Women aren't "supposed" to be like ANYTHING. That you would get enraged at a near stranger because she leads her life differently than YOU want her to is sick. Who the f are you to get mad at a stranger's decisions?

Seriously, this is as useless and ridiculous at getting enraged at a guy with a tribal armband tattoo that he obviously picked out of a magazine. You don't have to like it, but to be angry about it? Get help.

but im just an old fashioned traditional guy when it comes to courting and dating.

I'm old-fashioned, too. Old-fashioned doesn't entail getting angry at people who aren't like you and expecting them to behave the way you want them to.

July 6, 2013

I think us guys are having the problem with her sleeping with the other guy. making him wait would be fine if she never slept with the other guy just for pleasure. its very emasculating to a man and makes him feel like hes not attractive that he had to wait so long when the other guy hit a home run so quickly. its because she was attracted to sal very badly. with mr wait, not so and I understand him. its a huge blow to the male ego. and he waitied a long time. 4 months vs 1 time? sheeyet, if youre attracted to guy, no way in hell you would wait 4 months. thats very hard to hear. I would walk away. poor guy. I never had that situation but I can understand him.

So, if I understand correctly, there wouldn't be an issue for you if she slept with YOU on the first date.

July 6, 2013

Yet, you also believe that a woman needs to have sex with you in 3-5 dates or less gauging on your other posts... especially 'older' women. They are the ones who supposedly 'put out' quicker and you like that.

I fail to see the difference in your approach. You still believe in sex with strangers from what I can tell.

you are partly correct. but, I never lead a women on. I know if I want a relationship with the person and I never slept with a women I didnt have a LTR relationship with. I filter them very well. I went on a lot of dates and I can tell immediately whos serious and who isnt and also who I want to be with. I, like women, know very quickly what I want. but I never slept with a women I didnt have a relationship with.

but my cuttoff is 3 weeks. not 3-5 dates. it was around 2-3 dates a weeks. and it was always me walking away. not because no sex, but because I didnt see we would be compatible.

they didnt put out quicker but they knew what they wanted and didnt play games. but I never slept with a women I didnt have a relationship with. I dont play with peoples emotions. its wrong. I cannot sleep with a person just to ejaculate. it means a lot more to me than that. I need the connection.

sex with strangers no, never did. but I do like to look. but im completely committed in every way to my partner. everyone fantasizes. dont make me out to be a gigolo haha

July 6, 2013

you are partly correct. but, I never lead a women on. I know if I want a relationship with the person and I never slept with a women I didnt have a LTR relationship with. I filter them very well. I went on a lot of dates and I can tell immediately whos serious and who isnt and also who I want to be with. I, like women, know very quickly what I want. but I never slept with a women I didnt have a relationship with.

but my cuttoff is 3 weeks. not 3-5 dates. it was around 2-3 dates a weeks. and it was always me walking away. not because no sex, but because I didnt see we would be compatible.

they didnt put out quicker but they knew what they wanted and didnt play games. but I never slept with a women I didnt have a relationship with. I dont play with peoples emotions. its wrong. I cannot sleep with a person just to ejaculate. it means a lot more to me than that. I need the connection.

sex with strangers no, never did. but I do like to look. but im completely committed in every way to my partner. everyone fantasizes. dont make me out to be a gigolo haha

Fair enough.....

July 6, 2013

So, if I understand correctly, there wouldn't be an issue for you if she slept with YOU on the first date.

this is complicated. because the women I choose to sleep with, I want to have a relationship with them. first date, no. but with my current GF it was the 2nd. but we both wanted a relationship. its different. I have a mindset that I want a committed relationship.

I dont stick around if I know that I dont want a relationship. it would be wrong. many guys would push and try to sleep with her even though they will walk away after that. I have high morals and values and would not do such a thing. and I could. its not right though. guys will wait patiently, date others and then just wait for her to say ok and then go. I never did that.

July 6, 2013

The part I find deeply troubling about your post was that you think a woman is a hypocrite if she does so. You fail to understand that yes it could have been a mistake from her part.

If she realized that having sex on the first date isnt a good idea if you want a long term relationship and it was the first and only time she did, how can you call her a hypocrite? That's what I tought was ridicilous.

A hypocrite is someone who(for example) dislikes everybody who has casual sex but has casual sex himself. Not someone who learns from a mistake.

Now if the woman in question had a pattern of having sex on the first date with some and didn't see it as a mistake but made others wait. Then thats a different story.

And how exactly do you know OP actually considers that a mistake? I've reread both of posts, and I didn't find a word "mistake" anywhere. What I've found is OP went silent when confronted with fact OP knew. If you honestly believed it was a mistake, would you really have as much of a problem explaining it honestly to the other person? I don't think so.

That being said, even if someone considered it as mistake and not a double standard, I still see no problem if their partner dumped them after knowing that. Dating anyone isn't obligatory thing and if such revelation killed the feeling for another person, regardless of reasons behind it, so be it. IME feeling is not logical or rational thing and it can be killed in variety of ways. And if it happens, it doesn't matter, how sensible an explanation was, damage is done.

July 6, 2013

I'll put this another way...

We want a woman who makes us feel like a man. Who makes us feel masculine and alive. And yes, a big part of how masculine you make us feel (or we find ourselves feeling with you) is how you are with us versus how you are with other guys, AND versus how you were with your pasts.

How soon you slept with us versus other guys is part of it but it's only part of it. It's also how much of yourself you give to us (sexually is a huge percentage of that), versus what you gave to other guys.

Just as you women want a man who makes you feel like a woman.

This won't come up in a casual dating situation. It WILL come up in a more serious dating situation when we are considering you for our life partner.

I do hope everyone reading this thread considers this.

July 6, 2013

If I didn't get the gentleman treatment, I wouldn't be with him because gentleman-like behavior is something I look for. If the troll's imaginary boyfriend had a problem with waiting 4 hypothetical months, he shouldn't have hypothetically stuck around. If you're already resentful about something and if you view sex as a transaction where one party GIVES something to the other, you're obviously going to be pissed when something like this happens. If you don't hold those views of sex, this won't affect you at all.

My H bought a nice gold bracelet for one of his ex-gf. I know because I was helping him clean out his stuff, and he told me the story when we came across the receipt.

Guess what I didn't do? Stomp my foot on the ground and demand he buy me a gold bracelet immediately because he hadn't yet done so. Imagine that.

The difference is that I would not care about waiting but us guys are all too aware of how sometimes stable and reliable men are treated differently than the players. If a woman just can't resist being with a player on the first date but makes another guy wait then what does that say about her attraction to him.

July 6, 2013

Women aren't "supposed" to be like ANYTHING. That you would get enraged at a near stranger because she leads her life differently than YOU want her to is sick. Who the f are you to get mad at a stranger's decisions?

Seriously, this is as useless and ridiculous at getting enraged at a guy with a tribal armband tattoo that he obviously picked out of a magazine. You don't have to like it, but to be angry about it? Get help.

I'm old-fashioned, too. Old-fashioned doesn't entail getting angry at people who aren't like you and expecting them to behave the way you want them to.

I agree. The only thing that gets me angry are cheaters, abusers and those who mistreat others. I would choose not to be involved with or date certain women but as long as they don't hurt or lie to anybody that is their business. Same goes for men.

July 6, 2013

this is complicated. because the women I choose to sleep with, I want to have a relationship with them. first date, no. but with my current GF it was the 2nd. but we both wanted a relationship. its different. I have a mindset that I want a committed relationship.

I dont stick around if I know that I dont want a relationship. it would be wrong. many guys would push and try to sleep with her even though they will walk away after that. I have high morals and values and would not do such a thing. and I could. its not right though. guys will wait patiently, date others and then just wait for her to say ok and then go. I never did that.

I don't know, I'm trying to understand all your 'rules and conditions', but they're beyond my grasp. Personally, I don't see a concrete difference in terms of 'morals and values' between sleeping with someone on the first date vs. the second date. Whereas, the only difference you're applying to it, is whether or not the two people involved want a relationship out of it.

So, in that sense, you consider a woman "low class" if she sleeps with someone for purely physical reasons with no attachment to it.

July 6, 2013

I'll put this another way...

We want a woman who makes us feel like a man. Who makes us feel masculine and alive. And yes, a big part of how masculine you make us feel (or we find ourselves feeling with you) is how you are with us versus how you are with other guys, AND versus how you were with your pasts.

How soon you slept with us versus other guys is part of it but it's only part of it. It's also how much of yourself you give to us (sexually is a huge percentage of that), versus what you gave to other guys.

Just as you women want a man who makes you feel like a woman.

This won't come up in a casual dating situation. It WILL come up in a more serious dating situation when we are considering you for our life partner.

I do hope everyone reading this thread considers this.

Maybe in your relationships it comes up.

Never has in mine. Sorry but I'll never understand why men would want to know things I've done with other dudes that he'll just use against me, and as a measuring tape to guage our current relationship. That's just weird.

July 6, 2013

Maybe in your relationships it comes up.

Never has in mine. Sorry but I'll never understand why men would want to know things I've done with other dudes that he'll just use against me, and as a measuring tape to guage our current relationship. That's just weird.

Because we want to know if we have to be a player to get her wet. There are dire consequences for men who enter into relationships with women who are not really hot for them.

July 6, 2013

If you have a good sex life already I'm not sure why any of that matters.

July 6, 2013

It doesn't really come up in our relationship, but if I'd find out my girlfriend had sex on the first date with some guy, but I had to wait for months "because she really wanted to keep me", the relationship would be over.

Apparently she was madly attracted to this guy. To me? So so. I don't like so so relationships.

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Boyfriend is mad I made him wait.....

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