KathyM Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 KM I find your posts both insightful and refreshing and agree with just about everything you post... Thank you. Lets assume for a moment that there are no "issues" as described by the previous poster. But, TBH..if you took 100 guys from all walks of life and asked them what they would do in this scenario(where the woman says "I want you inside me")..Id almost bet that maybe 98 would go for it...Its rare... I don't know what the statistics are. Perhaps there is something out there I can look up on this. Think about it this way..They are in their 30s, they have been dating a while, they have already crossed bridges(oral sex)..What would be the motivation to wait it out? Where is the "crime"??...Even if it didnt work out. what would have been the tragedy? Its not like hes taking her virginity(from what I gather). Would you say that he's be a pig for taking her up on the offer? I dont see it(shrug) They have only been dating for two weeks. He said he wanted to establish an emotional connection first, or words to that effect. No, he would not be a pig for taking her up on her offer, but I think it's commendable that he wants to establish more of an emotional connection first before full on intercourse. If the intention as he states, and there arent any issues then good for him. I applaud his ability to restrain... TFY I think this guy is pretty sweet for wanting an emotional connection before sex. 2
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 The last lady I was interested in I told her before hand that I wanted to wait to get to know her. I've never been into casual sex. Ever since I was 16 or 17 I knew that I didn't want sex without a strong emotional attachment with someone I want to be with for a long time. I am a 28 year old man, by the way. 4
thefooloftheyear Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Thank you. I don't know what the statistics are. Perhaps there is something out there I can look up on this. They have only been dating for two weeks. He said he wanted to establish an emotional connection first, or words to that effect. No, he would not be a pig for taking her up on her offer, but I think it's commendable that he wants to establish more of an emotional connection first before full on intercourse. I think this guy is pretty sweet for wanting an emotional connection before sex. For some reason I thought it was several months..I must have missed something. That might be a mitigating factor. No doubt. TBH, I still likely wouldnt be able to turn that kind of an invite down..Id have to at least ice my nuts down on the way home.. kudos to that guy.. TFY 2
gaius Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Are you sure they aren't just telling you that to impress you Kathy? You've actually dated men who turned you down when you were ready to go, and the sex was good with no problems later on? 1
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 What STD's were you worried about exactly? Most you can visibly see on the penis and are treatable and rare for most normal americans. A lot of those disgusting ones are spread through prostitution and people who don't care to treat them. The most common is HPV, but that won't harm your mouth. Completely false. You don't need to be having an outbreak to pass herpes and HPV-related throat cancer(ask Michael Douglas). 2
KathyM Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Are you sure they aren't just telling you that to impress you Kathy? You've actually dated men who turned you down when you were ready to go, and the sex was good with no problems later on? I'm not talking about my own dating experience. In my case, I was the one who wanted to wait. I'm talking about men who I know, or who date the women that I know who do value a relationship, and are not interested in casual sex or sex with strangers. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 All of the pressure is on the guy. It's risky to initiate sex when dating. As she will most likely reject you it will be awkward afterwards. Its the same with when to kiss. Women want men to initiate these things even if they are planning to reject him if he does. Im sorry, but I never ran into that type of problem..Or it was so long ago I cant remember.. Im finding women make the first move to kiss, more so than in the past. (shrug)...Whats the big deal if you go for it and she says she isnt ready yet? If its the very first night and its not a hookup, then it shouldnt be expected anyway..Maybe its just a matter of being able to read the person. But if she politely says she isnt ready, she wont lose repsect for you, unless the guy acts like a dick about it.. TFY 1
thefooloftheyear Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 in a world of fairies and unicorns if you time the sex or kiss wrong shell tell you, but in the real world shell tell you by breaking up. So much women hating on this site... Im probably older than you are and I never ran into this problem...Im not a "player", either. Its just about reading someones intentions and acting appropriately if you dont "time it right".. They are just women, not some evil beasts out to crush your spirit. Ill say one thing..I am sure with that kind of attitude, you are probably going to step on your dick every time.. TFY 1
gaius Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 I'm not talking about my own dating experience. In my case, I was the one who wanted to wait. I'm talking about men who I know, or who date the women that I know who do value a relationship, and are not interested in casual sex or sex with strangers. Ah, then I go back to my original opinion. You can't believe what guys tell you. The guy who likes to wait but isn't dysfunctional is like Bigfoot. You hear stories from someone who knows someone else who's seen him, but no clear evidence ever emerges. 3
IHateHypocrites Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 I hate how when a woman wants to wait for sex it's fine and to respect her decision but when a man does, it can't be. No way, he apparently must be hiding erectile dysfunction, STDs or performance anxiety. What a load of crap and hypocrisy. 3
KathyM Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Ah, then I go back to my original opinion. You can't believe what guys tell you. The guy who likes to wait but isn't dysfunctional is like Bigfoot. You hear stories from someone who knows someone else who's seen him, but no clear evidence ever emerges. There was a guy who posted right on this thread who says he likes to wait until he gets to know the woman. That's not heresay, that's his preference, coming straight from the horse's mouth. I also know guys personally who have this preference. It's not stories from people I don't know. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 There was a guy who posted right on this thread who says he likes to wait until he gets to know the woman. That's not heresay, that's his preference, coming straight from the horse's mouth. I also know guys personally who have this preference. It's not stories from people I don't know. I am not saying guys like that don't exist...I just mean people win the lottery too :/ 2
RedRobin Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Ah, then I go back to my original opinion. You can't believe what guys tell you. The guy who likes to wait but isn't dysfunctional is like Bigfoot. You hear stories from someone who knows someone else who's seen him, but no clear evidence ever emerges. Sorry... I've provided more than one example of real men in my posts. In fact, it is a quality I actively use to screen men for a LTR. Evidence of appropriate self-restraint on his part until a relationship is established. If he tries to push my limits, he's out. My last two LTRs were with these types of men and there were no sexual issues whatsoever. The common trait they shared is that they either had something to lose by getting involved with someone prematurely, or their principles dictated such. The couple of times in my life when sex happened for me and a relationship was not established in advance... (when I told him in advance that is what I was looking for...) I dumped them shortly afterwards. They were not happy. Oh well. As I always say... Their penis is attached to their body, not mine. Time for more men to start acting like it. 1
KathyM Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 I am not saying guys like that don't exist...I just mean people win the lottery too :/ They do exist, and any woman would be damn lucky to find one. A guy to whom sex is more than just a physical act, and he wants to know and care about the woman he has such an intimate experience with. Those guys are like diamonds among a pile of pebbles. 5
Keenly Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 (edited) All these people saying he is trying to hide ED? Are you serious? So men aren't allowed to want to wait now? I find that a little hypocritical and very offensive. If we start dating, she's waiting. Plain and simple. She's waiting until I am comfortable around her enough to share my most intimate moments with , and until I am comfortable in knowing that she's not banging anyone else, she WONT bang anyone else after , and that she isn't going to just up and leave once the act has taken place . I can't believe some of you women are actually thinking negatively of a guy having respect for himself and the relationship. Edited July 6, 2013 by Keenly 8
RedRobin Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 (edited) They do exist, and any woman would be damn lucky to find one. A guy to whom sex is more than just a physical act, and he wants to know and care about the woman he has such an intimate experience with. Those guys are like diamonds among a pile of pebbles. They are... but I'd also say they aren't quite as rare as diamonds. They become easier to find once a woman gives up the fantasy of instant intimacy, fear of loss, and fear of sexual compatibility issues if they do wait... as both you and I have discovered. Edited July 6, 2013 by RedRobin 1
phineas Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 I experienced the same thing in early March. When I pressed to understand why, the response I got was, "I know sex ups the ante and takes the relationship to a whole new level, and I'm not ready for that because I'm still dating other women." This came after weeks of voluntarily telling me he's a one-woman guy and only dates one woman at a time, as well as getting me naked and taking care of me repeatedly, if you know what I mean. Other than that guy, I've never had a guy ask to wait. Friendzoned! j/k As much as I enjoy sex and often have it early in a relationship, I am also very cognizant of this reality. I do not have sex with someone that I am not interested in trying to have a LTR with. So, this response alone could be a very good reason why he didn't want to have sex. I know that it would have been for me. Pretty much where I am right now. I've run into a lot of "off women" lately looking to rush me into a relationship with sex by the 2nd or 3rd date. I won't do it & they get offended and disappear or rage at me. Oh well. I'm in no rush right now & enjoying being single. It's funny, before when I was fat & kinda desperate to get laid women would make me wait. Now that I'm in shape and enjoying going out, they are the one's who seem desperate. 2
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 For some reason I thought it was several months..I must have missed something. That might be a mitigating factor. No doubt. TBH, I still likely wouldnt be able to turn that kind of an invite down..Id have to at least ice my nuts down on the way home.. kudos to that guy.. TFY You have no idea how bad I wanted it man. I'm glad I didn't though, because she turned out to be a real crazy person.
FitChick Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 OP, always carry condoms with you in case he is using that as an excuse to avoid sex. Maybe bring Encare Ovals, the Today Sponge and contraceptive foam in case he says "Condoms ruin sensitivity for me." Hell, just get the Depo-Provera shot so you don't have to carry anything.
thefooloftheyear Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 You have no idea how bad I wanted it man. I'm glad I didn't though, because she turned out to be a real crazy person. Youre a lucky man and I applaud your judgement...You dont stick your dick in crazy.. I did and paid the hefty price. I cant lie, Id probably do it again.only this time Ill better know how to handle the aftermath. TFY 2
gaius Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 In fact, it is a quality I actively use to screen men for a LTR. Evidence of appropriate self-restraint on his part until a relationship is established. If he tries to push my limits, he's out. My last two LTRs were with these types of men and there were no sexual issues whatsoever. The common trait they shared is that they either had something to lose by getting involved with someone prematurely, or their principles dictated such. The couple of times in my life when sex happened for me and a relationship was not established in advance... (when I told him in advance that is what I was looking for...) I dumped them shortly afterwards. They were not happy. Oh well. As I always say... Their penis is attached to their body, not mine. Time for more men to start acting like it. There's a big difference between a guy who's willing to be patient with you and a guy who will actually turn you down for sex when you're ready to go. Unless that's what you mean and I'm just misunderstanding you. I also wouldn't count guys who had something to lose, like if they're married or something. Of course there are some guys who are actually loyal. I mean if they're in a one on one relationship with you, and they say no to sex, then there's something messed up. There was a guy who posted right on this thread who says he likes to wait until he gets to know the woman. That's not heresay, that's his preference, coming straight from the horse's mouth. I also know guys personally who have this preference. It's not stories from people I don't know. I said you can't believe what guys tell you, especially on the internet. He's the guy in the ape suit pretending to be bigfoot. I'd bet the house if we had an honest conversation with and delved deeper into his psyche we would discover something a little messed up. 1
Author dsw31 Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 *Update* So I went over to this guys' house today cause his parents are gone for the evening.We are having a great time,all's going well & then we go in his room to watch television.We start making out,feeling each other up,he whips my tits out for some loving attenstion,he takes my pants off & starts to go down on me,while fingering me. By this point,all that mumble jumbo is getting a little old & I'm ready to get down to the nitty gritty.I practically begged him to put it inside of me & he said "you're gonna kill me but I don't have anything"(meaning condoms) Instantly,I just felt stupid.I Sat quiet for a couple of minutes contemplating what to do & finally I just said "I just feel stupid.I'm gonna put my pants back on" Then I said "I really want to do it-is there anything you might wanna tell me?" He said "dont feel stupid.It's not you.I'm so turned on by you & I want to do it too but I know myself so well & I'm afraid that once we have sex I might not talk to you again & I'm looking for something serious & I'm just not sure yet" I felt even stupider at that point so I said "I'm just gonna go.I feel like an idiot & I cant wait for sex forever" He said "for real?" And he looked like he felt stupid too so I just said"I'm sorry.You are not sure that I'm good enough to have sex with but you can eat my pussy?I just dont understand" And I left.... I'm a little sad but We both have BPD.I bet he is gonna fall for me hard now that I rejected him.Sad but true. Thanks again everyone for all the replies.
thefooloftheyear Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 *Update* So I went over to this guys' house today cause his parents are gone for the evening.We are having a great time,all's going well & then we go in his room to watch television.We start making out,feeling each other up,he whips my tits out for some loving attenstion,he takes my pants off & starts to go down on me,while fingering me. By this point,all that mumble jumbo is getting a little old & I'm ready to get down to the nitty gritty.I practically begged him to put it inside of me & he said "you're gonna kill me but I don't have anything"(meaning condoms) Instantly,I just felt stupid.I Sat quiet for a couple of minutes contemplating what to do & finally I just said "I just feel stupid.I'm gonna put my pants back on" Then I said "I really want to do it-is there anything you might wanna tell me?" He said "dont feel stupid.It's not you.I'm so turned on by you & I want to do it too but I know myself so well & I'm afraid that once we have sex I might not talk to you again & I'm looking for something serious & I'm just not sure yet" I felt even stupider at that point so I said "I'm just gonna go.I feel like an idiot & I cant wait for sex forever" He said "for real?" And he looked like he felt stupid too so I just said"I'm sorry.You are not sure that I'm good enough to have sex with but you can eat my pussy?I just dont understand" And I left.... I'm a little sad but We both have BPD.I bet he is gonna fall for me hard now that I rejected him.Sad but true. Thanks again everyone for all the replies. Wonder what everyone would say now??.... "Mr nice guy" looking weirder by the moment.. TFY
Titania22 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Premature ejaculation. Wow I googled searched and the best answer I could find was Penial Enlargment. Thanks for clearing that up.
Titania22 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 And I left.... I'm a little sad but Good for you. There is no point being needlessly frustrated. 1
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