dsw31 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Hi all! I recently started dating a guy who I feel pretty compatable with.We have texted for months but finally met in person 2 weeks ago.Ever since our first date,we have communicated daily.Have seen each other 5 times & I even met his whole entire family yesterday (for the 4th of July) We have had some very intense foreplay.Kissing,touching,even full blown oral sex.He didn't have any condoms (which I found endearing because most guys I've dated are always stocked up with condoms,making me believe he has not had sex in quite a while) I told him I wanted him inside of me & he said he does too but he said "he is actually a little afraid of how attracted to me he is & he would like to wait a bit so we can connect deeper emotionally" Wtf? I'm just not used to that.I don't even know what to think about that? Does anyone know why a man would want to wait for sex? I know for sure that he is single & not a virgin.I have no problem waiting (although I do want to jump his bones)I'm just curious to know what you guys think.Any insight would be very helpful.Thanks! ! Btw-We are both in our 30s
Star Gazer Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I experienced the same thing in early March. When I pressed to understand why, the response I got was, "I know sex ups the ante and takes the relationship to a whole new level, and I'm not ready for that because I'm still dating other women." This came after weeks of voluntarily telling me he's a one-woman guy and only dates one woman at a time, as well as getting me naked and taking care of me repeatedly, if you know what I mean. Other than that guy, I've never had a guy ask to wait. 1
KathyM Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I think it's pretty simple. He wants to get to know you before being intimate and having sex with you. It's a myth that all men want sex immediately with every female they have an interest in. Some men are looking for an actual relationship, and they realize that takes time to build, and it takes time to get to know a person. It's not just women who want to actually get to know a person before being physically intimate. 15
soccerrprp Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 When I pressed to understand why, the response I got was, "I know sex ups the ante and takes the relationship to a whole new level, and I'm not ready for that... As much as I enjoy sex and often have it early in a relationship, I am also very cognizant of this reality. I do not have sex with someone that I am not interested in trying to have a LTR with. So, this response alone could be a very good reason why he didn't want to have sex. I know that it would have been for me. 6
thefooloftheyear Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I was first going to say that maybe he might have had ED, but I assume that if you had oral that you know he can get it up... That being said, most guys when told they are "wanted inside"....Well...they are going to kick the door down-yes, even the most well principled ones...... I say good for him for showing restraint..Its rare, frankly..Just make sure that he doesnt have some hangup that causes problems with compatibility down the road. Wish you well TFY 1
Star Gazer Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 As much as I enjoy sex and often have it early in a relationship, I am also very cognizant of this reality. I do not have sex with someone that I am not interested in trying to have a LTR with. So, this response alone could be a very good reason why he didn't want to have sex. I know that it would have been for me. Yes. I took it as he's relationship-oriented, and isn't ready for a relationship with me (if ever). 1
Phantom888 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I have always been up-front about waiting, but often times ended up having sex early on. I don't know why. If the women didn't initiate the sex part, I could actually have waited a lot longer. I have never pushed for sex in any relationship. I figure the woman will tell me when she's ready, and there is no point in me pushing for it if she's not ready. 2
Brunettie Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 He probably just means what he said. He wants to, but wants to wait to develop a strong emotional connection first, because he likes you a lot, I think it's really sweet. 1
soccerrprp Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I have always been up-front about waiting, but often times ended up having sex early on. I don't know why. If the women didn't initiate the sex part, I could actually have waited a lot longer. I have never pushed for sex in any relationship. I figure the woman will tell me when she's ready, and there is no point in me pushing for it if she's not ready. Here, here, my friend! I am in a "relationship" right now where the sexual tension is very strong. We've had 4 dates and I have some strong suspicions and cues that she is ready to be intimate, but I am not. Ugh. I am trying to stay away from dates and situations where intimacy would be more convenient (location, location, location), but she is starting to plan the time and venues of our dates more often. Our next one is partly to be in her house. She wants to give me a massage (she's a massage therapist). I fear that it will lead to more, so starting to give excuses about my aversion to massages, which is true. Oh, well, just will need to keep it clean. I just hope she doesn't ask why I don't want to right now. Just not ready to commit to LTR. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Just be careful, guys! Some women WANT a guy to initiate sex and dont think its "sweet" if they are holding out...It could wind up backfiring on you.. Point is if you arent ready, then it doesnt matter..Do it when you are. but if you are holding out because you think it might be what she wants, you could be in for a shock when she dumps you because you were too "wishy washy" about it.. TFY 1
henderson14 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 "I want you inside me." Thats hot....But anyways, I think it is very weird for him not to want to sleep with you. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I had a few guys say that they wanted to wait and told me exactly the same line. Every single time it turned out that: 1. He has ED when it comes to penetration 2. He has PE 3. He has an STD 4. He doesn't want a relationship with me 5. He is a virgin 6. He is gay Good luck! 2
henderson14 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I had a few guys say that they wanted to wait and told me exactly the same line. Every single time it turned out that: 1. He has ED when it comes to penetration 2. He has PE 3. He has an STD 4. He doesn't want a relationship with me 5. He is a virgin 6. He is gay Good luck! On second thought, he might have ED! 1
gaius Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Welcome back dsw. If a guy tells you he wants to wait for sex then he's usually masking some sort of dysfunction. Eternal gave a pretty good rundown of what it might be. 2
Divasu Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Well, you had oral sex...Not sure how that is 'waiting' on his part. 1
PlumPrincess Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 I had a few guys say that they wanted to wait and told me exactly the same line. Every single time it turned out that: 1. He has ED when it comes to penetration 2. He has PE 3. He has an STD 4. He doesn't want a relationship with me 5. He is a virgin 6. He is gay Good luck! What's PE? 1
Star Gazer Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 On second thought, he might have ED! They've had oral sex. I'm assuming he's getting it up for that. 1
KathyM Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Why are people giving men so little credit? Thinking that the only reason he wanted to wait was because of some sexual dysfunction or disease? I know men IRL who do wait to have sex until they are farther into the relationship, and it is not because of physical reasons or even religious reasons (although that is true for some), but because they think of sex as more than just a physical act, and it actually means something to them. Why are men thought of as just walking dicks wanting to put it in any woman as soon as possible? That is just not the case. Maybe for some men, but there are plenty who do not think this way. 6
RedRobin Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Why are people giving men so little credit? Thinking that the only reason he wanted to wait was because of some sexual dysfunction or disease? I know men IRL who do wait to have sex until they are farther into the relationship, and it is not because of physical reasons or even religious reasons (although that is true for some), but because they think of sex as more than just a physical act, and it actually means something to them. Why are men thought of as just walking dicks wanting to put it in any woman as soon as possible? That is just not the case. Maybe for some men, but there are plenty who do not think this way. Exactly...... The men I've dated have shown their own restraint and there were never any sexual issues AT ALL after the fact. 2
iamawesome Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 He's probably tired of laying a girl only to find out later she's crazy. Sounds like he has a head on his shoulders. 2
Author dsw31 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 Thanks for all the feedback everyone! I'm even more weirded out by all of this now.lol.I thought about the std thing but I sure hope that's not it cause I'll have a mouth full of stds! I know he can keep it up for sure-(atleast through out all of our foreplay)so I dont think it's an ed thing. I'd like to stay positive & think he just wants it to mean something when we do.I forgot to mention that he lives with his parents so maybe that has something to do with it.He did say I should come over on the weekend because they usually leave all day long on those days & we will be seeing each other either on Sat or Sun so I have a strong feeling it just may happen this weekend.I'll keep you guys posted. P.S. Thanks for the welcome Gaius! P.S.S He's not avoiding crazy women cause I've already told him I'm crazy... & he is crazy too 1
thefooloftheyear Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Why are people giving men so little credit? Thinking that the only reason he wanted to wait was because of some sexual dysfunction or disease? I know men IRL who do wait to have sex until they are farther into the relationship, and it is not because of physical reasons or even religious reasons (although that is true for some), but because they think of sex as more than just a physical act, and it actually means something to them. Why are men thought of as just walking dicks wanting to put it in any woman as soon as possible? That is just not the case. Maybe for some men, but there are plenty who do not think this way. KM I find your posts both insightful and refreshing and agree with just about everything you post... Lets assume for a moment that there are no "issues" as described by the previous poster. But, TBH..if you took 100 guys from all walks of life and asked them what they would do in this scenario(where the woman says "I want you inside me")..Id almost bet that maybe 98 would go for it...Its rare... Think about it this way..They are in their 30s, they have been dating a while, they have already crossed bridges(oral sex)..What would be the motivation to wait it out? Where is the "crime"??...Even if it didnt work out. what would have been the tragedy? Its not like hes taking her virginity(from what I gather). Would you say that he's be a pig for taking her up on the offer? I dont see it(shrug) If the intention as he states, and there arent any issues then good for him. I applaud his ability to restrain... TFY 2
henderson14 Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 They've had oral sex. I'm assuming he's getting it up for that. Its a lot easier to get it up for oral sex. You don't have to be completely hard to get it in her mouth for one. 1
henderson14 Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Thanks for all the feedback everyone! I'm even more weirded out by all of this now.lol.I thought about the std thing but I sure hope that's not it cause I'll have a mouth full of stds! I know he can keep it up for sure-(atleast through out all of our foreplay)so I dont think it's an ed thing. I'd like to stay positive & think he just wants it to mean something when we do.I forgot to mention that he lives with his parents so maybe that has something to do with it.He did say I should come over on the weekend because they usually leave all day long on those days & we will be seeing each other either on Sat or Sun so I have a strong feeling it just may happen this weekend.I'll keep you guys posted. P.S. Thanks for the welcome Gaius! P.S.S He's not avoiding crazy women cause I've already told him I'm crazy... & he is crazy too What STD's were you worried about exactly? Most you can visibly see on the penis and are treatable and rare for most normal americans. A lot of those disgusting ones are spread through prostitution and people who don't care to treat them. The most common is HPV, but that won't harm your mouth.
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