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How do you keep hope alive when it seems like you'll never find a fit?

Mrlonelyone

By Mrlonelyone
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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I'm sure I can and will find someone to date me... at least for a while. The thing is it feels pointless for me to do so since all that will happen is at least I will get attached and let my guard down only to have them flee when I do. Perhaps I unconciously pick people who are unlikely to give me commitment? IDK.

 

How does one keep hope alive when it seems like they will never find a truly long term, marriage worthy BF/GF/SO/partner?

Sarabi Established Member

Sarabi

Posted
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Oh bless you :( everything will work out, I promise ;) first things first:

 

I think you need a big (((((hug))))) a sit down and a nice cup of tea with a biscuit :)

Sarabi Established Member

Sarabi

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Well...I am not sure what I say can be useful but maybe don't worry about it all too much? :( wanting something too much can sometimes mean its more likely you won't get it(if that makes sense? You know when people say desperation drives things away).

You are getting dates...I would say don't despair...if no one was asking you out it would be worse. Unless you don't really like the women I wouldn't say it was pointless to keep trying...after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Are you going out to suitable places? Do you have hobbies?

Do you personally feel like you can't commit...? I know you say you think that you seem to pick these girls can't commit to you.

 

Try some affirmations :)keep believing and say to yourself that you will meet a wonderful woman one day and you are worthy of love from someone who will return it in the way you wish them to...tell yourself good positive things to try and override the feeling that you will never have it.

 

Tell yourself that you are waiting so long because you are special, what you can offer someone is special and unique...and you are being kept for a high quality relationship with someone who truly deserves you ;)

It might seem like miles away but after all, every day you are waiting is a step closer to meeting that special someone :o

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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Well...I am not sure what I say can be useful but maybe don't worry about it all too much? :( wanting something too much can sometimes mean its more likely you won't get it(if that makes sense? You know when people say desperation drives things away).

You are getting dates...I would say don't despair...if no one was asking you out it would be worse. Unless you don't really like the women I wouldn't say it was pointless to keep trying...after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Are you going out to suitable places? Do you have hobbies?

Do you personally feel like you can't commit...? I know you say you think that you seem to pick these girls can't commit to you.

 

Try some affirmations :)keep believing and say to yourself that you will meet a wonderful woman one day and you are worthy of love from someone who will return it in the way you wish them to...tell yourself good positive things to try and override the feeling that you will never have it.

 

Tell yourself that you are waiting so long because you are special, what you can offer someone is special and unique...and you are being kept for a high quality relationship with someone who truly deserves you ;)

It might seem like miles away but after all, every day you are waiting is a step closer to meeting that special someone :o

 

 

Thanks, I really hope you're right.

El Brujo Established Member

El Brujo

Posted
Posted

There's always the hope that one of the books I'm writing will go viral and make me rich.

 

Then, women will start pursuing me instead of the other way around. :cool:

Esoteric Elf Established Member

Esoteric Elf

Posted
Posted

I really hate to be the bearer of ill news, but let's wash our hands of this reality before I move on: there are men who will never find a girl, some even die virgins. A man I know of is in his early fifties, is a virgin, and seems to be trending towards this as well. I have accepted this; I am even quite pleased with this for myself, strangely enough. Now that we have dirtied our hands, let's wash them:

 

Try and isolate a reason why the girls are leaving you once you "get attached and let your guard down". Is there some insecurity or clinginess that is turning these ladies off?? If it is impossible for you or any other person to isolate a possible culprit, try and take a break from the dating scene for a bit. Take a breather in seeing and living life, all the while improving yourself if convenient; then make your return entrance. :) Just a few suggestions.

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Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

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I really hate to be the bearer of ill news, but let's wash our hands of this reality before I move on: there are men who will never find a girl, some even die virgins. A man I know of is in his early fifties, is a virgin, and seems to be trending towards this as well. I have accepted this; I am even quite pleased with this for myself, strangely enough. Now that we have dirtied our hands, let's wash them:

 

 

Nah that's not my issue. Finding sexual partners is easy if you know where to look.

 

Try and isolate a reason why the girls are leaving you once you "get attached and let your guard down". Is there some insecurity or clinginess that is turning these ladies off?? If it is impossible for you or any other person to isolate a possible culprit, try and take a break from the dating scene for a bit. Take a breather in seeing and living life, all the while improving yourself if convenient; then make your return entrance. :) Just a few suggestions.

 

Finding women willing to date me for a while is not a problem. Getting sex from those women is not a problem. I am talking about finding someone to marry.

 

There is a legitimate form of clinginess, then there is being called clingy by someone who just does not want commitment. My problem as the common denominator is that I choose women for whom committing to me would be difficult for many social reasons (i.e. different races, differences in age etc. )

Yamcha Established Member

Yamcha

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Alcohol. Nah, just kiddin'. Masturbation.

nerd Established Member

nerd

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If I give up, the universe wins. That may well be inevitable, but I'm not going down without a fight.

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Mr_Flay Established Member

Mr_Flay

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Nah that's not my issue. Finding sexual partners is easy if you know where to look.

 

You mean brothels? :eek: Or is there some other special place where people come exclusively to look for sexual partners?

April18 Member

April18

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think you are finally finding the answer yourself. You may be sensing a subtle non-commitable essence about a woman and become attracted to her. People who don't really want to commit or are afraid of commitment, will be attracted to others who don't want or are afraid of commitment. This takes the heat off of them. Once you realize this and relize you are worthy of someone to commit to you, you will start to be attracted to woman who are not afraid of commitment. It's very subtle and has noting to do with what someone may say. Also, look for woman who show signs of commitment in general. Do they have a steady job or do they job hop. Do they keep pets for life or give them away when no longer convenient. Stuff like that shows level of commitment.

Edited by April18
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