aishaa Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 He is 21 still studying for a degree. I am 24, qualified and working. We both got on so well and went out for 3 months. He said he loved me and it was all so good. After a while he came distant and then he said he doesn't want to lead me on and he doesn't see us in long term cos I am very religious and he is not and also our diets are different. I absolutely love him and when i see him I get the vibe he loves me too, he looks right in my eyes. He is very shy and It was me that did all the chasing and trying to woo him and all. I just don't want to give up on him because I really love him despite me being older but he told me to move on. What do i do? Will he come back?? I am really asking opinion of a shy guy cos I really want to know what he is thinking. Thanks
SimonSerenade Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 It's hard to know what anybody is thinking, your better off opening up in this situation and being honest with him, religion and diets and stuff like that shouldn't come in between a relationship, that's something you shouldn't worry about it, to each their own. There's always a chance he'll come back but with him being so shy it might take you to push him in the right direction, just have a talk with him and put everything on the line and if he rejects you this time, walk away knowing you did all you could, I'm sorry, it's not the best advice but it's all I got.
mano Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 heyy aisha. don't worry everything g onna be fine INSHA ALLAH im in exactly da same boat, older than him n religious too. i'd like to tawk to u about it so we can vent it out together, do you have any way of me contactin u?
Author aishaa Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 heyy aisha. don't worry everything g onna be fine INSHA ALLAH im in exactly da same boat, older than him n religious too. i'd like to tawk to u about it so we can vent it out together, do you have any way of me contactin u? How long have you two being together?
along60years Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Clearly you have more to offer right now than he does. He may not like feeling like a loser in your shadow, and you both (him especially) are still very young. I can attest to the fact that being in the same place in your lives can make or break a relationship. He's still a college kid flitting about in life and you sound like you are more settled and mature. Peter pan is a lot of fun, and hard not to love, but he is not ready to grow up yet.
Why_she_did_this Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I cant read minds and I dont even know about this Love stuff very much (I am a noob) But still I will give my shy Guy point of view... first of all he is 21, shy and probably (because of his instincts) wants to understand love and all on his own. Since he has you and you did all the chasing. He might be missing his chance to learn and fight for love. Now in this situation whatever you will do will chase him away. So you need to allow him to grow on his own, let him try and understand what actually loves mean and what it is to be a Man. In this attempt he will fall numerous time (and crawl back to you, here you have to show your love to him), finally when he will succeed then only he will understand what you are to him. You are older and you know Love is not all happy days, these are just those days.. hang in there. And keep yourself strong
thompkevin Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Hey aisha, I think the reason why you don't want to give up on him is because you still have a lot of hope in the relationship. You didn't have a long enough relationship to realize he is not right for you. It happens when you have a lot of expectations from a relationship and things end too soon. What you really need to do is realize that the only reason you love him is because you still have a lot of expectations. But he doesn't seem to have any hope or even desire to make it work. It takes two to make a relationship work and without him willing, you can't do anything. It's better to cut your losses and move on.
Author aishaa Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 I cant read minds and I dont even know about this Love stuff very much (I am a noob) But still I will give my shy Guy point of view... first of all he is 21, shy and probably (because of his instincts) wants to understand love and all on his own. Since he has you and you did all the chasing. He might be missing his chance to learn and fight for love. Now in this situation whatever you will do will chase him away. So you need to allow him to grow on his own, let him try and understand what actually loves mean and what it is to be a Man. In this attempt he will fall numerous time (and crawl back to you, here you have to show your love to him), finally when he will succeed then only he will understand what you are to him. You are older and you know Love is not all happy days, these are just those days.. hang in there. And keep yourself strong Thank you all for reply. I just miss him so much. I text him and he replies straight away and that makes me think he still cares about me. I cry every night and it's just so painful. Is he also feeling what I am feeling?
mano Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 How long have you two being together? 4 years. Me 21 n he 19. I think you should just let him be for now 1
Author aishaa Posted July 19, 2013 Author Posted July 19, 2013 4 years. Me 21 n he 19. I think you should just let him be for now Is that what you are doing?
Author aishaa Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 Should I give up on him? He saw me the other day and when I looked he just looked down... we were both on roads and so I walked off:confused:
Author aishaa Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 I cant read minds and I dont even know about this Love stuff very much (I am a noob) But still I will give my shy Guy point of view... first of all he is 21, shy and probably (because of his instincts) wants to understand love and all on his own. Since he has you and you did all the chasing. He might be missing his chance to learn and fight for love. Now in this situation whatever you will do will chase him away. So you need to allow him to grow on his own, let him try and understand what actually loves mean and what it is to be a Man. In this attempt he will fall numerous time (and crawl back to you, here you have to show your love to him), finally when he will succeed then only he will understand what you are to him. You are older and you know Love is not all happy days, these are just those days.. hang in there. And keep yourself strong So when he messages me, I reply to him even though he hurt me. I think he is hurting himself too but maybe he is not? I know he is one of those good guys and he really cares about people around him but I am thinking if he cared he would really talk to me.
FierceFoxie Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Thank you all for reply. I just miss him so much. I text him and he replies straight away and that makes me think he still cares about me. I cry every night and it's just so painful. Is he also feeling what I am feeling? That doesn't mean he cares about you. A man that cares about you will contact you first. You are just continuing to chase him by texting first and he knows this. He may be replying because he doesn't want to look like an *******.
Author aishaa Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 That doesn't mean he cares about you. A man that cares about you will contact you first. You are just continuing to chase him by texting first and he knows this. He may be replying because he doesn't want to look like an *******. He is not contacting me cos he said he wants me to be totally over him, he knows that being in contact will make things hard for me however he said he definitely wants to be my friend. Anyways I am on NC and so far i feel good, reached mid way. But if he does message should I reply or no ignore him? I do really love him and hoping to get back together:$
FierceFoxie Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 He is not contacting me cos he said he wants me to be totally over him, he knows that being in contact will make things hard for me however he said he definitely wants to be my friend. Anyways I am on NC and so far i feel good, reached mid way. But if he does message should I reply or no ignore him? I do really love him and hoping to get back together:$ I am in a similar situation and I have been advised to not ignore his contact, ignoring won't rekindle love. When he does contact, avoid any heavy talk, i.e. I miss you. Keep things light and brief that way if he is really sincere in his contact, hopefully he will push to meet up.
Author aishaa Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 I am in a similar situation and I have been advised to not ignore his contact, ignoring won't rekindle love. When he does contact, avoid any heavy talk, i.e. I miss you. Keep things light and brief that way if he is really sincere in his contact, hopefully he will push to meet up. You are doing NC thing? whats your story?
Author aishaa Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 I am on day 20 and hell I miss him SO much @(
LinkWorshiper Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 NC I think only works if you need it for yourself. But if you really want to rekindle things, like someone else said, you have to keep at least LC. You don't want to be pushy or needy or text too much or anything, but you should remain supportive of the other person and true to yourself. I think things that like really shine through, which is what you want the other person to see. It has been very tough with my ex with whom I want to fix things, but I have found the most progress has happened when I leave him to do his own thing and remain steadfast in what I want and how I feel. It's not perfect yet, but he has started reaching out to me again, or at least has communicated wanting to talk more. So I think for you it's best to just remain true to yourself but let him make the major moves. Maintain as much contact as you think you need to make that happen, and don't go overboard.
Author aishaa Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 NC I think only works if you need it for yourself. But if you really want to rekindle things, like someone else said, you have to keep at least LC. You don't want to be pushy or needy or text too much or anything, but you should remain supportive of the other person and true to yourself. I think things that like really shine through, which is what you want the other person to see. It has been very tough with my ex with whom I want to fix things, but I have found the most progress has happened when I leave him to do his own thing and remain steadfast in what I want and how I feel. It's not perfect yet, but he has started reaching out to me again, or at least has communicated wanting to talk more. So I think for you it's best to just remain true to yourself but let him make the major moves. Maintain as much contact as you think you need to make that happen, and don't go overboard. I do want to rekindle but I want him to initiate it all since he have hurt me. I want to know he loves me just as much as he once claimed and apologise plus prove that he won't do the same. When he messages, do you reply straight away? Do you keep it short or go for long convos? How did you make him to open up to you again?
eleve82 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Aishaa, you need to be realistic about what you are doing. He has mentioned some pretty irreconcilable differences with your lifestyles (religion, diets), and as much as you think you don't mind them, the reality is - HE DOES. It has nothing to do with him being shy or not. In fact, it is easier for a guy "go along" with a girl who asks him out because he has nothing to lose - most guys who ask girls out do so because they like the girl enough to do so. He has already told you in no uncertain terms he wants you to get over him. You need to wake up to the harsh reality, girl. He does not want to be with you.
LinkWorshiper Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I do want to rekindle but I want him to initiate it all since he have hurt me. I want to know he loves me just as much as he once claimed and apologise plus prove that he won't do the same. When he messages, do you reply straight away? Do you keep it short or go for long convos? How did you make him to open up to you again? You can't have your cake and eat it too. Hoping for him to do something will leave you waiting a long time. You have to at least steer him in that direction, because he's not psychic and neither are you. If you want to find out what the deal is, then do things that will get that result. Having too many expectations about what you want him to do will just disappoint you in the end. You have to go at least half way. Well, since my last post, he has started messaging me almost every day now. I answer usually when I see the message, though I think about what to say a little bit longer than I might usually. And we talk until the talking is over. We have had a wide range of interactions, from a long phone call, some long FB chats, some short FB chats, some texting and even a brief run-in at a party, though we didn't get much time to talk because of all the other people there. Suffice to say, the main thing I stick to is honesty. I don't run game, and I do only what I think is the right thing to do at the time. If I feel like texting him, I will. He wrote me a long letter during our NC break (which I initiated) that seemed to be his first steps in apologizing and hoping that things would change. But it was still another month until we got to where we are right now. So I guess all I can say to you is 1) BE HONEST and 2) BE PATIENT. My boyfriend and I broke up about eight months ago and it has been a real emotional ride, not always the easiest. But I firmly believe that if you make the efforts to make it work, and the other person starts to as well, there is no reason it won't eventually be where it needs to be. Just don't expect an overnight fix.
lylat333 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Wow, some of the posts here are making me re-think the whole idea of. NC My question would be is if religion and diet are really the only reasons he doesn't want to be with you? I'm in the camp that those alone are rarely enough to stop someone from pursuing someone they really like, not even religion. Especially if he is the non-religious one. But I do think there are people it may be a real dealbreaker on I just have a hard time believing it. The next big question is... is it really OK to demote yourself to friend status or does absence make the heart grow fonder? Again I'm in a camp, the one that says being just friends isn't acceptable. 1) aishaa it's going to continue to put you through heartbreak. 2) I don't think being available makes you more desirable to the other person. imo they need to miss you. They may come back either way for all I know but I think being available prolongs things. I want to know he loves me just as much as he once claimed and apologise plus prove that he won't do the same. I do think this should be your goal and what it would take to change the dynamics between you two. Wishing you the best.
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