kittyroar Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 hey guys need a some help: few questions over my past break up. background: -It was a 4 year relationship. 1st year was crazy filled with love emotions. second year on and off. last two years we lived together mostly. -It became an abusive relationship, first just him being ugly, yelling, not letting me out, then physical abuse. and last me defending myself and almost too doing back what he did "eat or be eaten mentality" I did at the time. -I became dependent on him, a complete mess. counseling and all.and he became just uglier and stronger. try to leave him but he came back and it was hard to let go. I loved him, I'm sure. - The break up: he broke up in a txt msg, did not expected that day. broke me to pieces and I looked for him made myself look like a stalker :'( but I just wanted my medic bill payed (yeah he broke a bone...) . Got a restraining order on him. Questions: few days after (restraining order) was over, he sent an email. A month after my birthday, saying "a little late but happy birthday :)" why? (I didn't reply)I broke in tears, I was terrified of him, I avoided all places he could be at from mall in town to supermarket. I go to other city nearby to do all shopping... why I'm I so afraid?I just recently stop having bad dreams of him after many months why did I have constant nightmares for so long?why do I still think of him? I don't love him anymore. I know I never want to see him again or be with him. toxic relationship for both. As of now: (My new relationship: he is great and opposite of my last. been together 7+ months now. incredible luck I got. he says I deserve the best, I been great to him too.I just recently found out what being loved is like. I love him) I just want all this past to be at peace :/ I want to understand that's all. Thank you for reading! and Thanks for the support guys
Sneaky Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't have much advice and can't imagine what you went through but maybe you should block his number so he can't intrude in your life again with another text?
Author kittyroar Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Thank you and I changed my number. I can't change my email is linked with so many important things in those including college. and yeah he emailed me with a different email name (it included an important date I knew it was him)
Eddie Edirol Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 If you were together 4 year, it will take you alot longer than 7 months to get over the trauma and dependency of that relationship. I hope the new guy doesnt have to suffer or get heartbroken because of it.
Author kittyroar Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Eddie thank you, and yeah I know it hurts him at times. I try my best to always reassure him how I love him. I hope he doesn't give up but I wouldn't blame him. I will just enjoy these happy moments. I wonder If you been that good guy before, or you just know about it somehow...
aloneinaz Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 You just need to ignore him and go NC. You can set his email address to go straight to the trash can. If you don't recognize a strange email, delete it. Only time and possibly therapy is going to help you heal 100% from that toxic relationship. It's not easy as i was in one as well. Be good to yourself and enjoy the love of your new man. He's in your past and live for today and tomorrow. 1
Author kittyroar Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 thank you, aloneinaz. sometimes you feel like no one can understand but others have been there too I'm happy to know you moved on from yours.
aloneinaz Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 thank you, aloneinaz. sometimes you feel like no one can understand but others have been there too I'm happy to know you moved on from yours. Mine wasn't physical, just emotional BS. She is simply a toxic person for sure. No one in any type of relationship with her is going to make her happy. I'm 5 weeks NC since the end. It's MUCH easier than the first two and dating has helped. I still think about her and wish she'd stayed and gotten more therapy to address her issues so we could have had a better chance at making it. I do miss her kids as well. It sucks but even after 5 weeks, I still can remember so many times coming home from a night where she was tired, stressed and bitchy, short and nasty, asking myself why I didn't tell her to F-off. No one will put up with her crap that has a backbone. She's someone elses nightmare now.
soccerrprp Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH. I wish I could give you hug. Block his emails. Block his number. Does your restraining order including communication of any type? I'm sorry, but have you spoken to your current bf about this? Would it help? Are you still seeing a counselor? Aaaargh, it pisses me off to hear this! Good riddance to the SOB who hurt you! As per your question as to why he emailed you? B/C he's a manipulative, depraved son of a cockroach! Likely still an attempt to control your emotions, manipulate them! Screw that! You continue helping yourself, healing and enjoy your time with your new bf who seems to understand what it takes to show true love, how to treat a woman (another human being). Your time with this new guy will help you heal. Thinking of you... 1
Exitleft Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Congrats on having the courage to leave such a dangerous situation. I would say you continue to think about him because he has traumatized you, are you still in counselling? if not it may be a good idea. Could have some Post traumatic stress. I'm really happy you're out of that situation and have found someone that is the opposite. Best of luck 1
Author kittyroar Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Mine wasn't physical, just emotional BS. She is simply a toxic person for sure. No one in any type of relationship with her is going to make her happy. I'm 5 weeks NC since the end. It's MUCH easier than the first two and dating has helped. I still think about her and wish she'd stayed and gotten more therapy to address her issues so we could have had a better chance at making it. I do miss her kids as well. It sucks but even after 5 weeks, I still can remember so many times coming home from a night where she was tired, stressed and bitchy, short and nasty, asking myself why I didn't tell her to F-off. No one will put up with her crap that has a backbone. She's someone elses nightmare now. I advise you to keep it up. the first few weeks are always the hardest. I had the same thoughts of him getting help, but he refused and when he did go he said they didn't know anything. he refused to go anymore. I believe they really need to understand their actions are wrong and want to help themselves first, not pushed to do so. keep on dating You're strong because you were able to walk away before It would of become much worse. even just walking away takes a lot! best wishes to you
Author kittyroar Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH. I wish I could give you hug. Block his emails. Block his number. Does your restraining order including communication of any type? I'm sorry, but have you spoken to your current bf about this? Would it help? Are you still seeing a counselor? Aaaargh, it pisses me off to hear this! Good riddance to the SOB who hurt you! As per your question as to why he emailed you? B/C he's a manipulative, depraved son of a cockroach! Likely still an attempt to control your emotions, manipulate them! Screw that! You continue helping yourself, healing and enjoy your time with your new bf who seems to understand what it takes to show true love, how to treat a woman (another human being). Your time with this new guy will help you heal. Thinking of you... Thank you so much! you brought tears. I get to feel alone sometimes. hell many times. I let my new found love know this. I'm glad I did because since then he has been even more loving, reassuring and careful. I'm still seeing a counselor, it's helped me much but just one every two weeks. keep me with NC him. And my restraining order only lasted a few months and he's smart he waited just after it was no longer good to email. I really appreciate all responses 1
Author kittyroar Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Congrats on having the courage to leave such a dangerous situation. I would say you continue to think about him because he has traumatized you, are you still in counselling? if not it may be a good idea. Could have some Post traumatic stress. I'm really happy you're out of that situation and have found someone that is the opposite. Best of luck Yeah I had PTSD at the beginning, that's what I was told. He was an illness to me. Now I think I'm past mostly everything I just want to get him out of my head. Feel normal again. I have guilt in me almost like I caused it but I try my best to let go of that. 1
Exitleft Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Yeah I had PTSD at the beginning, that's what I was told. He was an illness to me. Now I think I'm past mostly everything I just want to get him out of my head. Feel normal again. I have guilt in me almost like I caused it but I try my best to let go of that. I understand. You know though there is nothing you could possibly do to deserve that sort of treatment. Glad you are still going forward.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Eddie thank you, and yeah I know it hurts him at times. I try my best to always reassure him how I love him. I hope he doesn't give up but I wouldn't blame him. I will just enjoy these happy moments. I wonder If you been that good guy before, or you just know about it somehow... I was at a point at one time where I could not tell if a woman I was with was completely over her ex. I was clueless. But are you IN LOVE with the guy, or is he just a healing stepping stone? 1
Author kittyroar Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 I was at a point at one time where I could not tell if a woman I was with was completely over her ex. I was clueless. But are you IN LOVE with the guy, or is he just a healing stepping stone? I'm so sorry someone made you feel confused over their love for you. It must of been hard for you since you cared for this woman. And no he is not a stepping stone. I do love him, very much. I had that before a 'healing stepping stone' years ago. And he was aware of it but chose to stay. It's one of my regrets and I promised not to do the same again to anyone... feelings were hurt and I questioned my character for a while. we are friends the 'stepping stone' and I to this day. He was good to me and although I did not love him I never was nasty with him. We had more of a friendship. We ended in good terms. I just rather have friends than let anyone feel unappreciated like that again. I apologized to him for doing such thing, it was the least I could do. what happened with that woman, did you guys too ended in good terms?
Eddie Edirol Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 And no he is not a stepping stone. I do love him, very much. what happened with that woman, did you guys too ended in good terms? You said before that you do love him, but are you IN LOVE with him? As far as that relationship goes, It did not end up in good terms, which it doesnt matter now anyways. If I knew then what I know now, it wouldnt have gone as far as it did.
Author kittyroar Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 You said before that you do love him, but are you IN LOVE with him? As far as that relationship goes, It did not end up in good terms, which it doesnt matter now anyways. If I knew then what I know now, it wouldnt have gone as far as it did. Yes Eddie, am in love with him. As the days go by i also love him more, what i really want though is to only have one man in my mind the one I love not the one im constantly afraid of. Im working on that everyday. But i did lasted very long with the last, it,must take long to completely be in peace.
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