Foxy Moron Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 I really need some help. I’m terrified of getting into a relationship because I’m terrified of bad breakups. I’ve had 2 long term serious boyfriends, and was madly in love with both of them. One was emotionally abusive. One was (I thought) absolutely wonderful. They both cheated on me in the end. The last breakup was totally unexpected. I didn’t even have the slightest inkling that something was wrong. There honestly were NO signs at all. NONE. I was incredibly happy and content and trusted him very much. He pulled the rug from under my feet one day and it took me a long time to get over. I’m well and truly over both of them now. I’m just not over being so scared that I’m going to get screwed over again by someone I love deeply. I find myself wanting the actual relationship part, but avoiding it because I’m scared that it will inevitably end and that I’ll be left totally devastated again. It probably will with this attitude, but how do I learn to deal with this deep fear I have? I know I’m a great person with an awful lot to offer and people really warm to me. But sometimes I feel that I will never be enough for one guy and that they will always want more or someone else. I’m aware that there is an element of risk and the unknown in every single relationship that is happening in this world. I’m 28, I’ve been single for 3.5 years by choice (2.5 of those I was celibate), and this fear is not getting any better. It probably doesn’t help that twice this year i've had 2 different guys pursue me relentlessly, sleep with me, tell me they don’t want a relationship. One was a friend who everyone said was so in love with me and after we slept together, he became a real pr!ck. The other guy, who has a great personality, is very messed up over his last relationship and might be a bit of a player I fear. I never had these issues until after my last breakup. It's starting to affect my life because I'm getting quite depressed about it. Please help me get past this.
snilljente Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 I don't know what to say...I am in your shoes as well....I had the rug pulled out from under my feet this summer after meeting the man of my dreams who said and DID all of the right things and then BAM, TWO DAYS later he was with someone new.....I too wonder if there are any men out there for whom one great woman is enough.....and I have the fear too....and I wonder if it sabotages my dating life in a way....I want to be open to new people, but I am scared....and rightfully so after what I have been through.
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