stefani Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Hi this is my first time doing this so please bear with me. I have been married for 9 years and have two daughters. Six years ago I found out that he had an affair with his best friend girl my eldest was 3 month old at that time. Cheating never stopped. He goes out about 2 to 4 times a week to clubs and pubs and most of the time only returning at 2 or 3 stoned. These are the days that I don’t what to be at home, he comes back aggressive and starts breaking down the house (example, breaking windows, breaking down doors, light anything he can gets his hand on and then usually accuse me of having an affair. It makes me scared but he never one beaten me. He always have something bad to say to me even if his is sober, nothing is ever to his satisfaction. Emotionally he ripping me apart. He does not spend time with our kids, he would rather watch tv of social with his friend, he only says that he work all day an is tired. He doesn’t help me in or around the house, most of the times I feel warn out. I also have a full time occupation, financially we can’t go without my salary. A couple of months ago I found out about another affair. I was hart broken I told someone very close to me, very good friend almost like a brother to me, always there for me in the bad times and best of every thing one of my husbands friend! I told him: he said to me that he can’t take it any more and that he has been in love with he for a very long time now. My legs was kick out from under me. Then something bad happened he kissed me, I’ve never been kissed me like that, not even by my husband. I told him that it is wrong I can not do this, the great man that he is said that he will never kiss me again, but will always love me. I know now that I never were in love with my husband, yes I love him but not it that way. It not fear to either of us to keep on hoping it will get better, I always thought that I was in love with him that why I tried and tried. I’m I wrong and why do I get this strange feeling in my stomach and my hart wants to jump out, when I think of that kiss. I’ve been hurting for 6 years and do not know how to get out.
elfman Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Hello, sorry to hear of your troubles. You have to disect this problem, in my opinion... The first part is your unhappiness with a cheating/abusive partner, of which I have the following thoughts: 1 - Do you intent to put up with his behaviour indefinitely? Have you talked to him, CAN you even talk to him? 2 - Do you still want to be married to this guy? If so, have you considered counseling? 3 - Do you have a plan for divorce/separation? Have you consulted a lawyer? How are your financials? 4- Where do you stand on your kids custody? Can he pay child support? 5- Can you kick him out? (He could come home and find you changed the lock?) How legal is that where you're from? Secondly, the kiss/OM: 1- It is never a good idea to start a relationship while you're down, he could promise the moon and stars and you would fall right for that. However, being wanted/cherished/loved is a powerful tool if used correctly, as it can give you the selfesteem you lack from your abusive/unpassionate relationship. I think you can dream of that kiss all you want, but use it to finally get your life straight... if he really loves you, he will wait for that. You cannot forget the kiss because when we are down, the slightest sign of affection can become a hope. It's like using glutamate calcium... If you taste a tomato, it tastes like a tomato, if you taste a glutamate covered tomato it tastes like THE tomato, the best tomato you've ever had... depression is a very good enhancer of good feelings... you feel so bad that anything good feels better than usual. 2- Us men have very keen predatory senses, (I do not intend to know your feelings or this OM's feelings, so dont take it the wrong way), and we can see when an animal is wounded and would be an easy kill. BE CAREFUL. 3- I do not recommend engaging in a PA or a communicative EA with this guy. As you say, you yourself have a job, I assume you want custody of your kids if you divorce, and anything you do and are found out on will give your H tools against you. Welcome to LS, take care, and good luck. E.
Recommended Posts