Sugarkane Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I've posted about my gay guy friend before I think under can't stand friends boyfriend/ fiancé. My friend and I have been friends since school. He's kind of changed though since dating his fiancé. It feels like being in the Twilight Zone. Almost everyone but me seems to hate his Ahole fiancé. The fiancé is an arrogant psychology student who answers EVERYTHING with "go see a psychologist about that". The fiancé also has personally insulted me before. Anyway my friend has complained recently that I keep cancelling on him. I tried to explain my current situation- dealing with unplanned pregnancy and having bad morning sickness for months. He never answered me at all. Only small talk on Facebook. Yet I see him go out with other friends on Facebook. So how am I supposed to go out if he doesn't even invite me? I am tired if dealing with fair weather friends and have dealt with them in the past. Yet they never seem to regret losing a good friend and person.
Author Sugarkane Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 I'm thinking I should concentrate on making more female friends because I find them more empathetic in general. 3
Fugu Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I don't think it's a matter of gender, though I have long felt that it's important to have friends of the same gender. I think it's important to have a strong gender identity, and same-gender friends help us do that. It also reduces drama once you or your friend starts dating someone else. I really don't think sexuality has much to do with this either. I think your friend has just made a potentially unfortunate choice of a partner. In general, it's hard to remain close friends with someone if there's no chemistry between the partner and his existing friendships. I'd just give him distance. Don't cut him off unless he cuts you off. Friendships are kinda like the stock market: only invest in something that pays you back. Seems like it might be a time to sell some - not all but some -- shares in that friendship. 1
Author Sugarkane Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 Thanks but I just hate it when people change after dating someone. Its like if you have to change, then is the new person even worth it? I've tried reaching out and it didn't work.
Author Sugarkane Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 I get annoyed going through this as I've also tried being friends through other people I've met through him (thinking if there friends, they should be good people). Only to have my texts ignored and be blown off with no explaination. It's annoying to see these other on Facebook, saying what good friends they ate with other people. They certainly weren't with me at all.
Author Sugarkane Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 Why over 200 views but hardly any answers?
Fugu Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 Why over 200 views but hardly any answers? What kind of information do you need at this point? You already have some answers. I think you need to stop comparing yourself to other people and keep relationships simple. What you give is what you get. If people aren't giving back equally in a relationship, then stop giving. That doesn't mean you have to cut them out of your life, but don't invest so much mental effort in people who aren't there for you. Send a message once in a while. If they reciprocate, then keep the relationship going. If they don't, then move on and make friends with others. Don't make life and relationships any more complicated than they need to be. 1
Author Sugarkane Posted July 12, 2013 Author Posted July 12, 2013 I just don't understand why someone who's Loyal gets betrayed. It kind of feels like starting to be a recurring thing. Yet my ex who is a liar, cheater, manipulator and sociopath, but people still want to be his friend?
mercuryshadow Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 It's a tough situation. I understand how you feel all too well. People are self-cherishers, some more than others. I had to let go of a few friends over the years and it was because I realized I could not trust them. One such person went back and shared things about my personal life that I had told her in confidence. She's a very sweet person, but she plays both ends of the stick, so to speak. I forgive her, and I miss her, but how can I possibly maintain a friendship with someone I don't trust? It is sad that you feel your friend changed after he started dating his fiancé, but aside from telling him exactly how you feel, there is not much you can do besides understand that we ALL change. We may resist change, but change is the nature of reality. Everything must change, and everyone must change. As far as what YOU can do to remedy this: just talk to him. Be honest, but be kind. Don't come to him with a grudge. If he truly is a good friend, he'll hear you. If he is too preoccupied with whatever else he has going on, or too self-absorbed, he may not.
Fugu Posted July 12, 2013 Posted July 12, 2013 I just don't understand why someone who's Loyal gets betrayed. It kind of feels like starting to be a recurring thing. Yet my ex who is a liar, cheater, manipulator and sociopath, but people still want to be his friend? People associate with each other for all kinds of reasons, and not all of it is necessarily for deep friendship. Some people just need 'company' to keep. Some people just need a person to go on a binge with them. Some relationships are superficial. Some people think they're friends with someone like your ex until they eventually see that their behavior could end up having an impact on them, too. FWIW, sociopaths - true sociopaths - are often extraordinarily skilled at grooming people, because their own sense of satisfaction depends on it. They feed egos, and expect theirs to be fed. Eventually, though, the mask falls off. I think your problem is that you expect to live in a world that is 100 percent just. I think you need to keep your relationships simple. Comparing yourself and your social status to others is not a good use of your time. Rather, you ought to spend time finding good, genuine people and cultivate and appreciate those relationships. It's that simple. Or it can be that complicated, if you make it that way.
Author Sugarkane Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 I try and not make it complicated but unlike others who don't bother making new friends, my high school friends have moved/ drifted and i didnt make friends from my last job because they are a clique- who were already friends and ostracized me. So when I read on here people who don't want to make new friends because they already have some, I don't get it. Even old friends can betray and drift apart. I also don't think I did the right thing by keeping my mouth shut with the breakup that brought me here. No one heard my side and thought the sun shone out of my exes but. It is difficult to see on here people that weren't betrayed by mutual friends, in a breakup. Makes me question things a lot. QUOTE=Fugu;5043522]People associate with each other for all kinds of reasons, and not all of it is necessarily for deep friendship. Some people just need 'company' to keep. Some people just need a person to go on a binge with them. Some relationships are superficial. Some people think they're friends with someone like your ex until they eventually see that their behavior could end up having an impact on them, too. FWIW, sociopaths - true sociopaths - are often extraordinarily skilled at grooming people, because their own sense of satisfaction depends on it. They feed egos, and expect theirs to be fed. Eventually, though, the mask falls off. I think your problem is that you expect to live in a world that is 100 percent just. I think you need to keep your relationships simple. Comparing yourself and your social status to others is not a good use of your time. Rather, you ought to spend time finding good, genuine people and cultivate and appreciate those relationships. It's that simple. Or it can be that complicated, if you make it that way.
Author Sugarkane Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 I also don't want to be continually overlooked in a job again, just because I'm not in a clique of women.
WordvAction Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Have you tried making friendships outside of the workplace?
Author Sugarkane Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Have you tried making friendships outside of the workplace? I have recently returned to study but never get a chance to get to know anyone in class. My coarse has assignments where we are put into groups, but it's always with the same person and don't get to know others. If this makes sense.
WordvAction Posted August 5, 2013 Posted August 5, 2013 Start talking to others outside of class. Try and set up group-studies outside of class. Get involved in some clubs that your institution is offering. Look for volunteer work in the area. Find a book club is you're into reading. There's honestly plenty of opportunities out there to meet potential friends, but you need to reach outside of your comfort zone to find them. 1
Author Sugarkane Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 It is hurtful seeing this so called friend on fb consistently leave me out of things. And put effort into others. Then complain that I never say yes to anything.
Author Sugarkane Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting things to be just. Quite a few times I've posted on here about doing the right thing eg with breakups, yet somehow get the short end of the stick every time. And other people do the wrong thing, yet people don't dump them for the smallest of things. I just don't get it. People associate with each other for all kinds of reasons, and not all of it is necessarily for deep friendship. Some people just need 'company' to keep. Some people just need a person to go on a binge with them. Some relationships are superficial. Some people think they're friends with someone like your ex until they eventually see that their behavior could end up having an impact on them, too. FWIW, sociopaths - true sociopaths - are often extraordinarily skilled at grooming people, because their own sense of satisfaction depends on it. They feed egos, and expect theirs to be fed. Eventually, though, the mask falls off. I think your problem is that you expect to live in a world that is 100 percent just. I think you need to keep your relationships simple. Comparing yourself and your social status to others is not a good use of your time. Rather, you ought to spend time finding good, genuine people and cultivate and appreciate those relationships. It's that simple. Or it can be that complicated, if you make it that way.
Author Sugarkane Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 I've never done anything to warrant being dropped. But yet his controlling older fiancé, let's him remain friends with a girl who he has unrequited feelings for. Can anyone make sense of that?
Author Sugarkane Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Start talking to others outside of class. Try and set up group-studies outside of class. Get involved in some clubs that your institution is offering. Look for volunteer work in the area. Find a book club is you're into reading. There's honestly plenty of opportunities out there to meet potential friends, but you need to reach outside of your comfort zone to find them. It's more trying to open up to people, only to deal with this sort of high school crap.
BeckyFontenot Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 The only person we can change is ourselves. We can also choose who we want as friends based on their character and not their personality only. Sometimes people grow in different directions. Continue trying to make new friends. Focus on the positive and positive people will enter your life. Be the kind of person you want to attract to you...Don't settle for less than the best in friendships. No, that doesn't mean that people won't let you down but when you raise your standards so that disrespect to you from others is not acceptable then people who will respect you will enter your life...Don't give up.
love1336x Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Pshh, doesn't matter about gender, matters of the person heart. I had females friends who were cold as ice, and male friends who was understanding and caring... it just all depends on the heart.
Author Sugarkane Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 I still don't understand this pattern. It hurts to see this person on Facebook exclude me on purpose over and over.
Author Sugarkane Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Now I've just seen he's defriended me on Facebook. I'm pissed off. Feel betrayed after he's acted like the victim, despite excluding me. Yet our mutual friends think he's great. What to do?
mea_M Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Sugar, Don't stress yourself out with a new baby on board as that's enough on your plate right there. Just back away from this friendship if it no longer serves a real purpose for you. Can you do that? Just walk away? Mea:)
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