Michelle83 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 So after meeting someone you really click with, how soon do you think it's okay to let on that you do really like them, think they're fun, are interested in more, etc? I met someone I really, really like... it just feels so right and comfortable, like nothing I've ever experienced before really but I don't want to come on too strong or something and scare him off. I'm not talking about bringing up marriage or anything like that, but just making it clear that you are definitely and strongly interested. I worry that the guy may lose interest if he feels like he 'has you'.
MrCastle Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Depends on the guy. I know for me, once I "have them" -- that's when the real magic starts. I start pushing the envelope, taking more chances, being more open and being myself. Once I know they're hooked, I feel free of the typical dating restraints. I certainly don't get tired of them. I'll get tired of them if they don't give me space, and are not letting me breathe. But knowing a girl is super into me allows me to try things with her I wouldn't try otherwise. Yes the chase is fun, but the capture can be just as fun if you know how to handle it. If I'm really feeling a girl, I'll say something like "I really dig where we're at right now" or something to dip my toe in the water. If she says "yeah me too." I won't say any more. If she adds fuel by saying something like "I know, I love it. It's great." -- then I'll be a little more vocal in my feelings for her. My rule is always let the woman handle the emotional stuff. Let her be the one to tell me she's interested. Then she can kick back and let me work my magic. 2
Author Michelle83 Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 That's great - thanks for that reply. I hope he thinks the same. He seems to be giving off the same vibe, and often initiates the statements, so hopefully we're both on the same page.
MrCastle Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 That's great - thanks for that reply. I hope he thinks the same. He seems to be giving off the same vibe, and often initiates the statements, so hopefully we're both on the same page. I find it hard to compare myself to other men. I'm extremely passionate and I get not all people are the same. I mean, pleasing women to me is everything. I take pride in it and go all out for it. So I'm more intense than the average. When you're dealing with someone passionate though, you know it right away. If he seems like the passionate type, you're in good hands. If not, you could possibly run the risk of scaring him away, but only you will know for sure. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Reciprocate but don't be the initiator of all things...let the guy actually come to you if he really likes you. Many women are so caught up in how they feel that they never really let the guy demonstrate how he feels, try to let the guy take the initiative, let him give up the "power" and "control" because once he knows you're locked in, most guys take advantage of it...not take it to the "next level", if you're with a more intense guy in the beginning, that can just be the initial stage to swoon you into his grip, don't get caught up so much in what he says and does at this exact moment...enjoy it for what it is but don't get buried too deep into that, that's often just a tactic guys use to encircle you within their charm to disarm you...then they can pull the fade on you anyway and move on to the next girl and rinse and repeat. Don't ever show all of your cards and intentions with a guy, keep him on his toes...it'll make him work harder and pique his interest, let him be vulnerable. As most women are readily gushing with emotion and interest that they just throw their hands in the air and "take a chance", but that completely tips the balance and takes away the mystery in the man's favor, and then he can simply become bored with you. 4
rocketman122 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I dont think you need to say anything at all in such an early stage. just keep going on dates. be positive when you talk and hell get it. when you guys are more serious after 2-3 months you can be more expressive. flirt/tease/touch/hug/kiss/hold hands with him till then. if he doesnt get it he's clueless. but just enjoy being together. build up sexual tension with him. 2
InsaneTrombone Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Don't ever show all of your cards and intentions with a guy, keep him on his toes...it'll make him work harder and pique his interest, let him be vulnerable. As most women are readily gushing with emotion and interest that they just throw their hands in the air and "take a chance", but that completely tips the balance and takes away the mystery in the man's favor, and then he can simply become bored with you. What does a guy do in this case? It sounds all good from a womans perspective, but is that what women really want? All I keep reading is to keep the opposite sex on their toes. Don't reply quickly to messages or calls, let them be vulnerable. Obviously nobody likes to be on that end of the stick, but it happens sometimes. What do you do when you're on the wrong side of that equation to level the playing field?
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 What does a guy do in this case? It sounds all good from a womans perspective, but is that what women really want? All I keep reading is to keep the opposite sex on their toes. Don't reply quickly to messages or calls, let them be vulnerable. Obviously nobody likes to be on that end of the stick, but it happens sometimes. What do you do when you're on the wrong side of that equation to level the playing field? It really depends on what kind of issues you are having with women...if you are constantly getting friendzoned and losing the interest of women in general while dating, then it's likely you are showing far too much interest/effort early on and trying too hard to impress her...where you would need to back off and not make yourself so available and transparent. To be fair, we're not talking about women having equal problems as men do...for women it's not about having no interest from men, it's about them getting the guy they want to be interested in them...they get sucked up into a guy and it's all about them and how they feel as a woman, they gush and become excited and then they start morphing into this other creature...kind of like a Gremlin, and then they go crazy, spitting everywhere and become obsessive...it's very scary, then all they think about is this guy....for a while...then they lose interest in him and rinse and repeat with another guy :love: So it's a different dynamic for men in the dating game, you have to be the initiator up until the point where you have the powa...once you have the powa it's pretty much all down hill from there, and that's when most guys take women for granted and let her sink into the background and figure out what they want to do with her...casually seeing her, dating multiple women, being busy at work or going on vacation/travel...you get the drift. Yet they were so eager and interested initially and made them the center of their world...it's a power struggle, and don't you forget it! Only sane people have very transparent, open and honest flowing communication with no games and no tricks, without ill intentions or power trips, ego boosts or selfish endeavors to stake their claims in whatever future they seek or that they don't seek while still getting what they want...they are an endangered species. If you are "normal"....you will get burned in society today without your thinking cap on. Everyone else, has issues...and that's pretty much what's it's all about..."love" is just the coverup. But that's a little bit too much truth for the world today, we're not there yet. 1
tbf Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 My assumption is that if they continue asking me out, they like me. As to the necessity to express that I like them, my assumption is that it's a form of tautology if I continue to date them. 3
KungFuJoe Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Hey how's this for a change? How about just speaking your mind? You like the guy? Tell him. Yeah...I know...makes way too much sense. Let's just put up fake facades, play mind games, and then wonder why misunderstandings are so common in relationships. 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Hey how's this for a change? How about just speaking your mind? You like the guy? Tell him. Yeah...I know...makes way too much sense. Let's just put up fake facades, play mind games, and then wonder why misunderstandings are so common in relationships. I have a magic rock you might interested in, for the low low price of $150,000 dollars...can bring people back from the dead even. You can trust me, I'd never lie to you. 2
KungFuJoe Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I have a magic rock you might interested in, for the low low price of $150,000 dollars...can bring people back from the dead even. You can trust me, I'd never lie to you. Can that rock give you a sense of humor? Cuz then it might be worth 150K. 2
Star Gazer Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Depends on the guy. I know for me, once I "have them" -- that's when the real magic starts. I start pushing the envelope, taking more chances, being more open and being myself. Once I know they're hooked, I feel free of the typical dating restraints. I certainly don't get tired of them. I'll get tired of them if they don't give me space, and are not letting me breathe. But knowing a girl is super into me allows me to try things with her I wouldn't try otherwise. Yes the chase is fun, but the capture can be just as fun if you know how to handle it. If I'm really feeling a girl, I'll say something like "I really dig where we're at right now" or something to dip my toe in the water. If she says "yeah me too." I won't say any more. If she adds fuel by saying something like "I know, I love it. It's great." -- then I'll be a little more vocal in my feelings for her. My rule is always let the woman handle the emotional stuff. Let her be the one to tell me she's interested. Then she can kick back and let me work my magic. You've never had a relationship longer than 3 weeks, and you've REPEATEDLY said the EXACT OPPOSITE of the above before: specifically, that once you sense she's hooked/attached, you bail and send her on her way.
todreaminblue Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Can that rock give you a sense of humor? Cuz then it might be worth 150K. I have a magic rock you might interested in, for the low low price of $150,000 dollars...can bring people back from the dead even. You can trust me, I'd never lie to you. from ninja pjs lol you guys are really best mates arent you...........smilin......this little exchange gave me a real giggle......still smilin.....deb
InsaneTrombone Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 My assumption is that if they continue asking me out, they like me. As to the necessity to express that I like them, my assumption is that it's a form of tautology if I continue to date them. So you not communicating much between dates (phone calls, texting) but still accepting them when asked means what? You're interested but not too interested? I'm used to, if you like someone or are pretty interested in them, both make a real effort to try communicating somewhat often inbetween dates. 1
KungFuJoe Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Just be yourself. Game playing is a waste of everyone's time. 1
MrCastle Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 You've never had a relationship longer than 3 weeks, and you've REPEATEDLY said the EXACT OPPOSITE of the above before: specifically, that once you sense she's hooked/attached, you bail and send her on her way. If she wants more out a relationship than I do, I have no choice but to turn her down. I'm talking about when the girl shows high interest, and admits it, that allows me to do things or try things I wouldn't do otherwise. That has approximately zero to do with how long I've been in a relationship.
Star Gazer Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 If she wants more out a relationship than I do, I have no choice but to turn her down. I'm talking about when the girl shows high interest, and admits it, that allows me to do things or try things I wouldn't do otherwise. That has approximately zero to do with how long I've been in a relationship. The OP isn't talking about sex, Castle. The lengths of your relationships and how you've responded when you've known "you have a woman" (that is, to bail) is absolutely relevant to her inquiry.
MrCastle Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 The OP isn't talking about sex, Castle. The lengths of your relationships and how you've responded when you've known "you have a woman" (that is, to bail) is absolutely relevant to her inquiry. Seems to me most of her post was asking when do you show a man your cards and let him know you are interested in him. As in, leaving no mystery how you feel about him. Yes, this can be, but not subject to, asking about exclusivity. There have been girls who have made me work for it every step of the way, and some who have come out blatantly, broke the fourth wall and said "I really like you. You're a great guy," or other things that lead me to believe the chase is over and I have won. A lot of people believe the chase is better than the capture and once you know someone is interested in you, you lose interest in them. I was merely providing an example of someone who does not lose interest when a girl shows me her cards, but rather enjoys knowing I have her, as that allows me to take more chances with her. The fear of "what if I lose her by saying this/doing this?" is over. I feel more comfortable with her.
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