melis_a Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I've been dating a guy for about 2 months. Three days ago we were hanging out in his cousin's apartment and began making out. It was our first major make-out with each other and it was going really good for about 2 hours. Then he took me to the bedroom because he didn't want his cousin to walk in and see us making out in the living room. So yeah we went to the bedroom and began kissing again. I got a little nervous because I'm still virgin and I wasn't sure what his intentions were at that moment. So I kinda freaked out and told him if I could ask him a question. He said yea so I asked him if he had had sex before... I know it's an intimate and personal question, but due to the circumstances I felt I had to ask it! He didn't respond with a yes or no but with a "why do you ask me this"! He got upset cause I asked him this. I didn't expect this reaction, he didn't have to answer me.. but I don't understand why he got upset? Any ideas ? Thank you.
sillyanswer Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 but I don't understand why he got upset? Any ideas ? First idea: because he hasn't and is embarrassed to admit it. 3
Emilia Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I know it's an intimate and personal question, but due to the circumstances I felt I had to ask it! He didn't respond with a yes or no but with a "why do you ask me this"! He got upset cause I asked him this. I didn't expect this reaction, he didn't have to answer me.. but I don't understand why he got upset? Any ideas ? Thank you. Men prefer to come across experienced and knowledgeable, he probably thought you were critical of him. 4
ThomasD Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I'll give you a direct answer in a moment but first there are a couple of basic points to be made. How old are you - really? If you go to a guy's bedroom with him and nobody else he'll probably interpret it as giving permission to have sex. Is that what you intended? You and this boy need to have a talk about what sex means to each of you, and the role of sex in your relationship. You need to do this talking in broad daylight, when you are both thinking straight - not when you're laying together on his bed, or in the back of a car parked in a lover's lane, or in the middle of a hot makeout session. Now for your question. To begin with, it probably sounded evasive to him. If you were nervous you should have been more direct. Say, "This is making me very nervous." Then tell him why. Such as, "I am not ready to have sex with you.", or "If we are going to have sex, you need to know I'm a virgin.". (And probably a few more details like, "Can we go back to the living room and lock the door so we'll know when your cousin gets home?", or "You must use a condom - that's not negotiable!", or "I want my first time to be a complete natural experience without condoms, so do you have STD test results and are you ready to be a father?".) The question you actually asked made him think that his performance was less than acceptable. Did it really make a difference to you whether he had, or had not, experienced sex before? If he is a virgin - which I suspect may be the case - he was embarrassed that you seemed to pick up on his secret. If he is NOT a virgin, it sounded like you questioned his ability to give you a satisfactory experience. In either case, going ahead to have sex with him probably would have been unsatisfactory to you at the physical, as well as mental, and especially the emotional level. I think you are fortunate that he got upset and broke off your activities. If you search the old threads on this forum you can find quite a few people who regret their first-time sexual experience. Many others don't regret the experience, but wish it had happened at an older age, or with a different person, or under different circumstances. VERY few people will say, "I think I should have started at a much younger age.", or "I wish I had given in to the first guy who seemed interested.".
MercuryMorrison1 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Could have been any number of reasons honestly. Though I think likely he felt you were being critical. I can see how some men would take the question (have you ever had sex before?) as (You look like you've never had sex before) which implies incapability to attract thus effecting him masculinity all around. That's just one theory though.
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