KungFuJoe Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I take it you feel the need to speak for all with the armchair analysis. Anyway there are a number of factors of why someone would have issues. 1. Guy may hide feelings. 2. Upon meeting guy may not like woman's boyfriend and try to ruin it 3. If woman was spending a lot of time with guy friend BF can be source of jealousy. Any number of reasons just because you are able to do it doesn't mean the rest of the world will. I'm not speaking for ALL. That's my point. I'm not naive enough to believe that you can apply any single characteristic to ALL men or ALL women. Everyone is different, with different morals, mindsets and personalities. Some men/women can have friends of the opposite sex and be perfectly fine. Some can't.
joystickd Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I'm not speaking for ALL. That's my point. I'm not naive enough to believe that you can apply any single characteristic to ALL men or ALL women. Everyone is different, with different morals, mindsets and personalities. Some men/women can have friends of the opposite sex and be perfectly fine. Some can't. Sounds like you were.
Author youngnlove89 Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 (edited) It's sad a lot of women don't get it then scream insecurity because a guy doesn't want to date them because of guy friends. There is a lot women still don't get about men. The thing is my boyfriend has girl friends also. He doesn't hang out with them a bunch, but grabs a beer here and there or goes to lunch every month or so. No biggie. I think it's healthy to let him have his own life, do what he wants, and to be able to trust him and let him know that I can trust him. I don't want to control him. I want to be a happy, secure girlfriend that let's her boyfriend do what he wants without feeling suffocated or controlled. And actually my guy friend that I'm hanging out with had a girlfriend a month ago that he dated for a little over a year. She was intimidated by me and demanded that he can't talk to me anymore. So for a YEAR I didn't talk to my guy friend. Now that they have broken up he texted me right away. I forgave him, but I was mad that he let her do that to our friendship, but I understood. He said he hated that about her because he lost a lot of close girl friends because she was controlling. The thing is I was no threat to her. I have a boyfriend. And I am not attracted to my friend that way. Edited July 5, 2013 by youngnlove89
joystickd Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 The thing is my boyfriend has girl friends also. He doesn't hang out with them a bunch, but grabs a beer here and there or goes to lunch every month or so. No biggie. I think it's healthy to let him have his own life, do what he wants, and to be able to trust him and let him know that I can trust him. I don't want to control him. I want to be a happy, secure girlfriend that let's her boyfriend do what he wants without feeling suffocated or controlled. And actually my guy friend that I'm hanging out with had a girlfriend a month ago that he dated for a little over a year. She was intimidated by me and demanded that he can't talk to me anymore. So for a YEAR I didn't talk to my guy friend. Now that they have broken up he texted me right away. I forgave him, but I was mad that he let her do that to our friendship, but I understood. He said he hated that about her because he lost a lot of close girl friends because she was controlling. The thing is I was no threat to her. I have a boyfriend. And I am not attracted to my friend that way. I don't have female friends not because I want them in secret but because of the potential drama that could arise and also I had bad experiences with female friends. I can accept a female friend or two but not a woman that is I hang with males more than females. This friend could do the wrong thing and I'm bashing his head in. I'm not violent but you have to do what you have to do sometimes to establish a point.
Author youngnlove89 Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 I don't have female friends not because I want them in secret but because of the potential drama that could arise and also I had bad experiences with female friends. I can accept a female friend or two but not a woman that is I hang with males more than females. This friend could do the wrong thing and I'm bashing his head in. I'm not violent but you have to do what you have to do sometimes to establish a point. Well I guess the best thing for me to is to sit down and have this conversation with my boyfriend and discuss what is comfortable or not to him. 2
joystickd Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Well I guess the best thing for me to is to sit down and have this conversation with my boyfriend and discuss what is comfortable or not to him. No you both have the conversation with each other about what is comfortable to each other. Relationships have compromise to make them work. If one person isn't flexible then it creates problems
in_absentia Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 This thread makes me sad for all of the posters who've had such crap experiences with friendships or are so insecure that they divide all friends up into male or female and categorise them as appropriate or not appropriate based on their gender. What about the hundreds of other things that make you like being friends with someone? My relationship is very, very new (a month or so) but my last partner was also similarly minded to my current boyfriend; they asserted their dominance by trusting me to do what I wanted with my guy friends, embracing the fact that I had them (as I embraced their female friends) and quietly trusting that I would be faithful and come back to them. That level of self confidence and security in themselves is far more dominant than a panicked blanket ban on all friends of the opposite gender. If you don't trust somebody not to cheat or leave you, why be with them? Sure, if a guy overstepped the mark with me in some context or another and disrespected that I'm single, my ex would basically warn them off, but in general he trusted me to handle being hit on (by dudes who didn't know I wasn't single) all by myself like a big girl. He didn't need to assert dominance over my male friends. Nothing sexier than your boyfriend giving you a kiss and telling you to have fun with your friends and then getting on with his day. No bigger turn off than a guy getting all bent out of shape cos I'm hanging with my best friend of ten years who happens to have a penis. Life is too short and people have too many wonderful qualities to be struck off the list because of their gender. Of course if a partner had an issue with a particular friend for a particular reason I'd take that into account and almost always side with the partner (think that's happened maybe ... once in my life? because my friends respect me and by extension my partners and respect that while I have a partner I am unavailable!) but yeah, somebody so insecure they needed to actually tell me they were warning off a male friend would be someone whose character just dropped in attractiveness massively. That was rather long winded... I only really have two (aging) family members left now, my friends are my family and in two cases my friends' families are like family to me, there is no way I would allow some guy to halve my social network and social support because he didn't trust me!
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