Male Dominance

July 5, 2013

You are a woman that happens to be with a very good looking man that has a great physique and gets hit on by women practically everywhere he goes. How comfortable are you going to be when you find out that he has 12 different women's phone numbers stored in his phone and you dont know any of them? Now be honest here..

I'd never know how many numbers he has on his phone because I don't look. I realise you don't believe me but it's the truth

I would know how he is when women hit on him since I'd be out and about with him on social occasions and he wouldn't be able to hide it. I'm not into attention whores so this hasn't really been an issue in my dating life to be honest.

The other scenario, you have an average "Joe six pack" kinda guy that is just another face in the crowd. You might see those numbers and think that must be the chick that cuts his hair, or one of his customers or the lady up the street that he takes care of snow removal for.

In either case, it could be a red flag, but you are going to be much more suspect of the hot guy..He has more opportunity. he is more threatening.

Same works for guys..Its not anything to get crazy about, but to say that it shouldnt matter one bit? You are kidding no one with that response.

TFY

I'd say it would be down to his personality and how much he values external validation.

July 5, 2013

I'd never know how many numbers he has on his phone because I don't look. I realise you don't believe me but it's the truth

I would know how he is when women hit on him since I'd be out and about with him on social occasions and he wouldn't be able to hide it. I'm not into attention whores so this hasn't really been an issue in my dating life to be honest.

I'd say it would be down to his personality and how much he values external validation.

I respect you and believe you, but lets just call you a "rare breed" when it comes to women. Im older than you I am sure and in all my years I really never encountered that.

And its probably unfair to call someone who is just naturally good looking an "attention whore" or in need of external validation. Good looking people of either gender are going to get a lot of attention. It doesnt inherently make them attention whores. And let me be clear here, I dont fall into that category..Im more of a face in the crowd type.

So let me ask this..You have absolutely NO problem with your SO having female "friends" that he might chat with or go out with on occasion, with or without you? Please be honest!!

TFY

Edited July 5, 2013 by thefooloftheyear

July 5, 2013

I respect you and believe you, but lets just call you a "rare breed" when it comes to women. Im older than you I am sure and in all my years I really never encountered that.

Actually, I think I'm older than you (I'm 41) hence the reason why you have never encountered women like me I also seem to remember you tend to like the helpless damsels a bit more.

And its probably unfair to call someone who is just naturally good looking an "attention whore" or in need of external validation. Good looking people of either gender are going to get a lot of attention. It doesnt inherently make them attention whores. And let me be clear here, I dont fall into that category..Im more of a face in the crowd type.

TFY

Looks are in the eye of the beholder in my opinion. I didn't say I assumed that good looking people were attention whores or looked for external validation. I said I would watch a person's behaviour and make up my mind based on that - rather than on their looks.

July 5, 2013

First of all you don't just ditch your friends because your GF/BF gets a bit jealous. I always tried to introduce my ex to all my female friends (which is majority of my friends), so she can see clearly that our friendships are friendships only. No one tries anything more. Unfortunately I wasn't given the same courtesy. And finally got dumped for one of those "friends" who stopped being one as soon as the opportunity came.

So I think you're doing very good that you want to introduce him to your boyfriend. As soon as he at least knows your circle, he will be able to judge the people by himself, based on how they act around you. Otherwise there's nothing to know and brain can create all sorts of false images and ideas, then it finds you reasons to make you believe their true.

What he said sounded a bit weird, but I think he wanted to show you that he will try but without sounding "weak". I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Not by a long shot.

July 5, 2013

That's the first thing men need to learn NOT to do. STOP falling for the helpless damsels... I don't think women today want to be rescued at this point.

Anyway back on topic.

Actually, I think I'm older than you (I'm 41) hence the reason why you have never encountered women like me I also seem to remember you tend to like the helpless damsels a bit more.

July 5, 2013

Since I am not a wolf I do not do this.

You do it. Either you establish dominance or bow down to a more dominant man. It's a biological process and it happens without you thinking about it. I don't know if you've ever been involved in team sports, but it's always obvious who's the leader of the pack. It's not necessarily the team captain or the best player, yet everyone knows.

Consciously trying to establish dominance to impress your girlfriend however.. is just lame.

July 5, 2013

Well, the PUA industry does spread tales of men stealing away other men's girlfriends and wives from right under their noses...don't know if it's plausible, but I'm sure it has happened before. I s'pose OP's boyfriend doesn't want to be a victim of this...?

It happens but not by establishing dominance. In a lot of instances devoting less energy to a situation puts you in control.

July 5, 2013

Actually, I think I'm older than you (I'm 41) hence the reason why you have never encountered women like me I also seem to remember you tend to like the helpless damsels a bit more.

Looks are in the eye of the beholder in my opinion. I didn't say I assumed that good looking people were attention whores or looked for external validation. I said I would watch a person's behaviour and make up my mind based on that - rather than on their looks.

Well...

I AM older than you-though not by much:p..

And NO I do NOT favor the helpless D-I-D's...I spent 20 years of my life with someone who's mere existence depended on what I did. It wears you the eff out! Im DONE with that. Nothing could be further from the truth. As a matter of fact, I mentioned in a previous post that I wont date a woman that has no little/no formal education and a low level job. It might not be fair, but usually those types of women are living day to day and even if they never depend on you for anything, I know the way I am..As a giver I will wind up being their savour and financial and emotional crutch. No thanks..Im done with that. Give me a strong woman that can stand on her own and doesnt need me.

TFY

July 5, 2013

Well...

I AM older than you-though not by much:p..

And NO I do NOT favor the helpless D-I-D's...I spent 20 years of my life with someone who's mere existence depended on what I did. It wears you the eff out! Im DONE with that. Nothing could be further from the truth. As a matter of fact, I mentioned in a previous post that I wont date a woman that has no little/no formal education and a low level job. It might not be fair, but usually those types of women are living day to day and even if they never depend on you for anything, I know the way I am..As a giver I will wind up being their savour and financial and emotional crutch. No thanks..Im done with that. Give me a strong woman that can stand on her own and doesnt need me.

TFY

I hope I didn't offend you, it wasn't a dig.

July 5, 2013

One of my close guy friends that I've known for five years will be in town this weekend. He's in the army and it's been a long distance friendship where we literally have only seen each other twice. We keep in touch by text, calls or Skype here and there.

I invited my boyfriend to meet my guy friend because my boyfriend can be a little jealous sometimes with my guy friends. Always assuming they want to have sex with me or that they like me that way. So I wanted him to feel secure. He said, "sure, we'll see how I feel tomorrow night"

My boyfriend was saying if he does meet him, "he will have to establish dominance so I will still find him desirable". I was thinking "what did you just say to me?!" haha I've never heard of such a thing. And he wasn't kidding. He said it's actual very common for men to do this and there are many subtle ways of establishing dominance.

So I asked him to explain how a man establish's dominance with a woman. He said one way is to be stubborn. For example: When you ask a guy to go to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner, instead of just saying "yea sure" they would say "we will see." Creating dominance by not being readily available/agreeable all the time, creating mystery, being in charge.

Is this true, do men try to dominate one another? What are some examples?

So do you have a lot of guy friends? It seems that you do and that would raise a red flag. When it comes to women guy friends are a kind of sticky situation because they can say or do things to the guy the woman is with and if he reacts to it then it causes problems for him and the woman unless she sees it for herself.

I had a buddy well his wife when they first met she had a guy friend that she considered like her brother. He even agreed. I know my buddy was cool with it at first. Then the guy friends started doing things like making slick comments. We all worked together and I told my buddy I didn't like the guy he just looked sneaky. One night he comes out there on his day off and tells a person to call her up front. My buddy and I knew she was off but she didn't tell him. My buddy went up front and asked him what his deal was. Well come to find out all this time he had wanted her for himself. He wanted a relationship with her. In a few of her relationships before my buddy the guy friend had been one of the reasons they didn't last. I know at that time I had told him to kick the guy friends a$$ just to do it lol. I was really crazy at that time. I'm glad he didn't. The thing that bothered the guy friend was they connected so quickly and intense that he got just about totally put out of the picture. The only time they really talked was at work.

Men can see shady men just like women see shady women. Opposite sex friends can hide true intentions until someone comes in the picture. It's not always insecurity. We see the potential for problems sometimes coming from these people

July 5, 2013

Sorry, your boyfriend seems really insecure

July 5, 2013

Sorry, your boyfriend seems really insecure

He does but let's be honest here any man or women would be worried about their partner's opposite sex platonic friend.

July 5, 2013

He does but let's be honest here any man or women would be worried about their partner's opposite sex platonic friend.

Not me. Never had an issue with "guy friends" and never will.

But I'm also not insecure.

July 5, 2013

Not me. Never had an issue with "guy friends" and never will.

But I'm also not insecure.

Same here.

July 5, 2013

He does but let's be honest here any man or women would be worried about their partner's opposite sex platonic friend.

Not if they know who they are. Even if some people disagree I'm still gonna strongly defend the fact that knowledge makes you more secure, calm and you can build your trust on that. If your loved one has nothing to hide - that is stronger than any excuse, explanation or "don't worry he's just my friend" speech!

July 5, 2013

Not if they know who they are. Even if some people disagree I'm still gonna strongly defend the fact that knowledge makes you more secure, calm and you can build your trust on that. If your loved one has nothing to hide - that is stronger than any excuse, explanation or "don't worry he's just my friend" speech!

I think in this situation she has quite a few male friends so he would have some issues. 1 or 2 if known are ok but she comes off as one of those women that are like "I have more male friends than women". It kind of creates the potential for drama.

July 5, 2013

I have 80/20 ratio of Female/Male friends and my ex knew 90% of them, most of them personally. Everytime I got a letter or a text, there would be a greeting for her, I would say who it is, bla bla bla.

She never had problem with that. I didn't get the same treatment but knew I can either trust or go mad. I chose the former and got my share of bad karma.

The problem becomes when you "suddenly" talk about someone who is important. That can lead to insecurity and lots of questions (in a tone that makes it sound more like accusation), I have no doubt about it. That's why I believe it's important to at least mention about important people in your life to someone you're with.

If you start conversation about them first then you have nothing to hide and that gives your partner no room to start jealousy scream-talk, unless you give them a solid reason to.

I understand he can have issues, at least he will meet the guy finally, so it should be some kind of comfort I hope..

Of course not everyone is the same, I know that, I'm just saying what I've always been trying to do myself and what I believe is right

Edited July 5, 2013 by Legatus

July 5, 2013

I have a couple of male friends/acquaintances who are cool people to be around when it's just one on one "guy time", but turn sort of douchey (to other guys) whenever there are females in the mix.

I always just figured that it stems from insecurity. I basically always avoid firing back or escalating their jabs because I figure if "feeling alpha" keeps their douche levels to a dull-roar, then why not let them think whatever they're going to think, haha.

Alpha-ness comes from actions, confidence in yourself, not seeking approval from others, nor seeking to put other people down.

July 5, 2013

Here is the point....

It might not bother YOU, you might not be so insecure:rolleyes:, but the reality is that many people(on both sides) do get bothered by it..

Successful relationships are all about "give and take" and being considerate of someone else's feelings.

So if you see that it bothers your SO, what is so hard about politely telling your opposite sex "friend" something to the effect.

"Listen, my BF/GF isnt really keen on me having opposite sex contacts/friends..Do me a favor and dont email or text me unless its some emergency or you really need to get a hold of me, I dont want to make her/him feel uncomfortable about this"

End of story..

Again, if the person is an employee, your plumber, or some other person thats vital in your life-fine. But they really shouldnt contact you on a casual level anyway. maybe to wish Happy Holiday or Birthday, but thats different,

TFY

July 5, 2013

So if you see that it bothers your SO, what is so hard about politely telling your opposite sex "friend" something to the effect.

"Listen, my BF/GF isnt really keen on me having opposite sex contacts/friends..Do me a favor and dont email or text me unless its some emergency or you really need to get a hold of me, I dont want to make her/him feel uncomfortable about this"

End of story..

Because then you are not friends anymore?

There is no way I would go out with a man who was so controlling that I had to send a message such as the above to my friends. Why is the word friend in inverted commas in your post?

July 5, 2013

Im sorry, but some of you all are being a bit harsh on YNL's guy...

Ive seen your photos, YNL..You are an attractive woman..Not that an unattractive woman wouldnt get the same treatment, just that you are going to get a LOT of attention from random men. This puts "pressure" on your bf...You want to call it insecurity? Fine..Whatever.. All he is doing is what is relatively normal behavior(especially for an Alpha-if he is)..I think the only thing that is abnormal is that he verbalized it. Men, in general, arent really comfortable about their SO chatting up with other men. To think that they are just going to let it roll off their backs, they wont.

And some of the responses from women are downright laughable:laugh: ..Id LOVE to know how many of the women would feel just fine and dandy if their men had regular other women "friends" that they skyped, texted, sent smoke signals to. whatever. Answer NONE of them:laugh: Women mark territory better than men do..Spare me..

My ex/w (and the GF, afterwards too) would tell me to FIRE attractive women employees based on nothing more than they would be in my presence and they are attractive.

Its just simple human nature folks...Nothing more than that. And YNL, if you want to make your guy feel better then keep female friends around and ditch the male ones. If he(your friend) isnt fixing your car, or doing your taxes why make his(bf) life miserable?

TFY

He has his friends that are girls, I've met most of them. And they are all attractive ladies. So with that being said, I'm not going to give up my male friends. I get along better with men vs women.

My boyfriend is very alpha male, thick headed, stubborn, in charge, secure and dominant. Most guys meeting him would feel intimidated, but once you get to know him better that hard shell softens and he isn't at all what he appears to be, a "butthole".

This "soft" side has come out as of late and he only shows it to me. But to hear him say that he needed to establish this dominance over my male friend stunned me. Because he has never said such a thing. It sounds silly. My male friend is no threat at all.

My boyfriend is also an attractive guy. Very. Everyone knows it. But I've never felt threatened by his girl friends. I've always thought about what would happen if they did this or that. But I don't let it get the best of me. And I would never tell him to lose his girl friends because I'm not secure with myself. I think it's healthy for him to have female friends.

I don't want my boyfriend to worry and that is why I offered for him to meet my guy friend. I think what got him was when I said, "You'll love my guy friend, he is really funny and will make you laugh" and maybe that is what ticked him and made him feel insecure. I don't know! I didn't mean for that to happen!!

July 5, 2013

I have a couple of male friends/acquaintances who are cool people to be around when it's just one on one "guy time", but turn sort of douchey (to other guys) whenever there are females in the mix.

I always just figured that it stems from insecurity. I basically always avoid firing back or escalating their jabs because I figure if "feeling alpha" keeps their douche levels to a dull-roar, then why not let them think whatever they're going to think, haha.

Alpha-ness comes from actions, confidence in yourself, not seeking approval from others, nor seeking to put other people down.

Couldn't have said it any better than this. Awesome job man. Alpha is a character; one who is stable and emotionally in control. Nigh fearless. Sorry, one who feels the need to shoe it off is not Alpha. Showing it off shows a lack of emotional control.

A man should be one of calm and control. Knowing when passion is needed and when being "tough" is needed.

July 5, 2013

So let me ask this..You have absolutely NO problem with your SO having female "friends" that he might chat with or go out with on occasion, with or without you? Please be honest!!
TFY

I know this is directed to another poster, but I will answer too. I would have a problem, and sometimes I do. But I don't ever try to portray that because I trust my bf and I have to let him have his own life too. I don't want to be that controlling gf.

Now, there was a conflict between us that happened a couple months ago where he wanted to hang out with this girl he used to sleep with, but they are just friends now. And I understand that you can be friends after you have relations with one another. I still keep in touch with some of the guys I've slept with. But this bothered me (because she was attractive), So I confronted him about my concerns. He respected them and hasn't talked/hung out with her since I told him about my concerns. I didn't tell him he CAN'T hang out with her, I didn't give him ultimatums. I just simply said, "this makes me uncomfortable and insecure. I don't like it" I wasn't trying to control him, but just voiced my insecurities about it.

If he were to do this, I would respect him and make him more comfortable by not hanging out with this person. But there are still lines. I don't want to be controlling and I don't want him to be controlling either. This guy friend is purely platonic, never slept with him and I offered my bf to hang out with us.

July 5, 2013

I think in this situation she has quite a few male friends so he would have some issues. 1 or 2 if known are ok but she comes off as one of those women that are like "I have more male friends than women". It kind of creates the potential for drama.

HAHA! How so?

I have more male friends for this exact reason: to avoid drama. My male friends and I can hang out, have beer, chat about stupid crap and laugh. With women, it's all about drama, celebs, boys, and complaining. BORING.

I've always had more male friends than girl friend since middle school. I prefer it. My male friends are no threat. Sure, they might find me attractive. But I don't like them that way. They know this. And I tell them how much I love my bf, they know this too. They know where I stand.

July 5, 2013

HAHA! How so?

I have more male friends for this exact reason: to avoid drama. My male friends and I can hang out, have beer, chat about stupid crap and laugh. With women, it's all about drama, celebs, boys, and complaining. BORING.

I've always had more male friends than girl friend since middle school. I prefer it. My male friends are no threat. Sure, they might find me attractive. But I don't like them that way. They know this. And I tell them how much I love my bf, they know this too. They know where I stand.

check out the story of a buddy of mine i put on here

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