irc333 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 ...not don't get all in an uproar, that I might be considering an affair..I'm not...but it kind of boggles my mind lately...that how well I get along with certain married women and how compatible I think I would be with them if I was single..... Ever been in asituation like that and thought, "Where in the He** were these people when they were SINGLE??!!" 1
CherryT Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I was when I was with the wrong person. I would meet someone and find them super intriguing (whether they were smart, witty, or just plain handsome) but because I was in a relationship would never think to cross that line. Now? Never. I could not imagine anyone better suited for me than the person I am with now. I couldn't imagine anyone making me laugh as much, have more fun with or just feel as loved as I do now. I've never learned so much about myself and have grown so much as an individual but also with a relationship. So yes, I've been there once but not again.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Maybe I just am thinking about this differently. I think, that when a woman is married, she can interact with men without the "intention" or "possibility" which can put pressure on a male female interaction. Sorta random illustration. my adult daughter, gorgeous, smart, funny, but reserved until she gets to know you. Set of male twins, her age, handsome, funny, smart. I watch kinda awkward hellos, UNTIL one twin implies he's gay (other twin hetero) then all of a sudden, she loosens up with the gay one, a real Chatty Cathy. So....does that mean she's more "compatible" with gay boys? OK maybe, but it appears to me that it was because there was no pressure. I say it's the same thing... 2
JustJana Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I had to do a project for work that involved me delving into the world of cheaters. I'm still dealing with the way that made me feel but I do know what you are saying. I met some amazing men. They happened to be dirtbags who are cheating on their wives but even though I knew that I found myself thinking, why aren't any of the single guys I meet this entertaining, amusing, interesting? Is it just the lack of pressure? That may be logical, they just have a devil may care-nothing to lose thought process?
joystickd Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 People already in relationships are more confident and less nervous about interacting with the opposite sex because they don't need to. It can make them more able to fully communicate with the opposite sex and connect 1
grkBoy Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 ...not don't get all in an uproar, that I might be considering an affair..I'm not...but it kind of boggles my mind lately...that how well I get along with certain married women and how compatible I think I would be with them if I was single..... Ever been in asituation like that and thought, "Where in the He** were these people when they were SINGLE??!!" They're married and thus they don't feel they have to put the defenses up that single women do. It's like when you notice the "taken" women say what a wonderful guy you are and how you would make done lucky girl happy...but you notice no single women do. Mainly because it puts them on the spot of why they're not dating you. 1
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Yes, to an extent. Certainly, there is more to it than that. I saw that you are doing analysis and I was interested in it. I am interested in human nature. I also think that some people are "collectors" meaning, they like to be indiscriminatly flirty to see what sticks and who responds. I know several people like this and I think it's kinda like collecting "fans"? My current boss is like that. At business or social activities she needs to be the center of desire. Not the center of attention, but she needs people to like her. She uses that sexual energy to collect her fans. It's annoying, it has cost her a marriage, several relationships and jobs but she does not see it at a result of her actions. Not really. I am happily-married, over 20 years, (never cheated) I can talk to anyone about anything cause I am not looking for a lay, or a date. I do however hate talking to flirty guys because I find it disingenuous and I wish they would shut off the sex seeking sonar. Back to the topic, I think, reduction of stress due to expectation, people who for whatever reason need to be liked, people who have had success with sexual coping mechanisms are more likely to connect. Like magnetic theory. I think it has little to do with real compatibility. Because my last thought is, I honestly believe you can fall in love and build a wonderful life with almost anyone who has met your basic criteria. It's the investment in the relationship that pays off, the commitment and the work to the exclusion of others. I am sure my thoughts will offend some OM/OW, it's not my intention to be armchair therapist for their specific situation. Everyone has their own drivers. Again, no offense but I detest seeing people stay in sick, dysfunctional, destructive, relationships because they "love" someone so much...they indeed could find someone else. (Jumping off soapbox)
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I don't mean this in a snide way, but it's an observation I've had: From your numerous posts on LS usually based on critiquing women's online profiles rather than actually interacting with women, it might be that you are really not interested in any kind of relationship. Married women are "safer" that way. So you might actually get to know some of them and let them know you as well.
SuperGeek Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 When I was married, I got hit on by single women ALL THE TIME. Now that I'm divorced and single it doesn't happen that much. I can't explain why
tbf Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 When women are being friendly, it doesn't necessarily mean they're interested. 1
joystickd Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I don't mean this in a snide way, but it's an observation I've had: From your numerous posts on LS usually based on critiquing women's online profiles rather than actually interacting with women, it might be that you are really not interested in any kind of relationship. Married women are "safer" that way. So you might actually get to know some of them and let them know you as well. I will totally agree with this considering my experience as an OM. It's a whole lot easier to keep it strictly sexual
Imajerk17 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 (edited) This might seem like a bad coincidence for you but it's really not. A married woman can be friendlier to a single guy than a single woman can be because the situation is "safer" for the married woman than it is for a single woman. A taken woman, unlike a single woman, can be friendly to a man she isn't attracted to without it leading to an awkward situation--if the man does ask to take things further, the taken woman can just truthfully say "I'm in a serious relationship but I'm flattered" while the single woman has to stutter around for an excuse. In fact, if I were to give a guy advice on how to get over approach anxiety, I'd advise him to walk up to women with rings on their fingers and say something like: "Hey I just saw the ring on your finger, but I gotta say if you were single I'd be shamelessly flirting with you". Likely he would get a positive response regardless of whether the taken woman found him attractive or not. She can safely show appreciation for the compliment. A single woman would be more guarded at least initially--being friendly could lead to an awkward situation where she would have to turn a guy she isn't attracted to down. Edited July 5, 2013 by Imajerk17 4
MrCastle Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 My heart belonged to a married woman at one point. As recently as a month ago. I have slowly gotten over her. Well, that's what I'd like to believe. I agree. I don't know what it is. Women in relationships and I seem to have amazing chemistry. If only they weren't taken, I'd go for them. It's torturous
xxoo Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Married women can be friendly whether they are attracted or not. Single women need to be careful because friendliness is so often mistaken for interest. 4
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 ...not don't get all in an uproar, that I might be considering an affair..I'm not...but it kind of boggles my mind lately...that how well I get along with certain married women and how compatible I think I would be with them if I was single..... Ever been in asituation like that and thought, "Where in the He** were these people when they were SINGLE??!!" The problem is that single women are more restrained in that they are either too afraid of leading you on or are playing a bit hard to get if they are interested. With married women, there is none of that so interactions tend to be more natural.
joystickd Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 The problem is that single women are more restrained in that they are either too afraid of leading you on or are playing a bit hard to get if they are interested. With married women, there is none of that so interactions tend to be more natural. Process from talking to sex tends to flow with married women. I know with single ones you hit a few bumps
tbf Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Married women can be friendly whether they are attracted or not. Single women need to be careful because friendliness is so often mistaken for interest.While the evolutionary psych hypothetical reasoning as to why men overestimate attraction is suspect, the correlation found in this study would explain much: http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/group/busslab/pdffiles/The%20Misperception%20of%20Sexual%20Interest.pdf Abstract In the current study (N = 199), we utilized a speed-meeting methodology to investigate misperceptions of sexual interest. This method allowed us to evaluate the magnitude of men’s overperception of women’s sexual interest, to examine whether and how women misperceive men’s sexual interest, and to assess individual differences in susceptibility to sexual misperception. We found strong support for the prediction that women would underestimate men’s sexual interest. Men who were more oriented toward short-term mating strategies or who rated themselves more attractive were more likely to overperceive women’s sexual interest. The magnitude of men’s overperception of women’s sexual interest was predicted by the women’s physical attractiveness. We discuss implications of gender differences and within-sex individual differences in susceptibility to sexual misperception.
beach Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 ...not don't get all in an uproar, that I might be considering an affair..I'm not...but it kind of boggles my mind lately...that how well I get along with certain married women and how compatible I think I would be with them if I was single..... Ever been in asituation like that and thought, "Where in the He** were these people when they were SINGLE??!!" That's not ironic, it's your choice to view it as your best priority. Seems short sighted to me.
PJKino Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Same here i get along great with my married friends wives yet single women are extremely cold around me. Its because as people in here have said the married women doesnt have to worry about leading you on or thinking shes into you the single women has to worry about you misinterpreting kindness for interest. So when i am about to approach a women and before i even blurt a word she rolls her eyes at me i get it,shes saying listen your ugly please dont make us have a forced conversation where i have to make an excuse up why you cant take me out
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