OKC Date - should I contact him?

[lollipops]

Judging by his behaviour on your date, he's not shy about going after what he wants- he demonstrated the opposite- he's quite assertive! That alone should tell you that if he was interested (genuinely interested), he doesn't seem like the type to hesitate to ask someone out again.

 

He sounds like one of those guys that knows all the right things to say. This could be something he makes a habit of.

 

No judgement from my end about getting intimate with him so quickly- but one of the problems with getting intimate so quickly with someone you don't know is that you are taking a risk in doing so if you are hoping for something more genuine than a one night stand. Some long term relationships start out that way- but a lot don't.

 

There is still a double standard when it comes to gender and sex. The same men that are willing to get naked with you on a first date, will judge you for indulging them. It's hypocrisy yes, but a reality nonetheless.

 

I wouldn't reach out to him. As I said before, he demonstrated he's not a wallflower- which doesn't jive with the notion that he might just be too shy to reach out.

 

I think you are probably right and I was wrestling with this - He WAS assertive so it only makes sense he wouldn't have shied away later.

 

But I'm not exactly a meek little thing (quite the opposite) so I'm kind of surprised by my own shying away. So yknow...just made me wonder.

 

There were a few things he said though that made me feel that he was perhaps a little insecure and after all was said and done might have assumed that I wasn't interested and maybe -he- didn't want that rejection. Afterall, what we were doing was really more his performance than mine but I won't get all into that.

 

As far as the double standard - you are absolutely right. I know and accept this and I deal with it. But I'll never -not- be sexual with someone that I want to be sexual with because of it. If the guy I'm ****ing doesn't like that I can enjoy the same casual sex that he's enjoying then to hell with him.

 

But for the record, I genuinely don't believe this guy judged me based on that. I feel pretty confident we are both equal opportunity sluts, and it was okay with both of us.

 

I just got a bit of a crush. :>

 

Thanks for your thoughtful responses, D-lish.

[lollipops]

Are you sure? "Pining" for someone for three weeks sounds a wee bit more emotionally invested than that.

 

I mean, if you just wanted sex, why not contact him within a week of the first encounter? Almost any guy would be happy to oblige.

 

I think you should seek out fresh, er, meat.

 

Haha, pining sounded good when I wrote it. I left with a bit of a crush and it hasn't totally faded. Emotionally invested doesn't feel right though...I really don't know this guy! I just...wanna see if he even merits my crush.

[lollipops]

LOL, exactly! He wanted you to "do things to him" and you got absolutely nothing out of it but a false promise of "next time I'll f.uck you."

 

Totally used. I'm sure he's got a whole contact list of women he has casual sex with. If he wanted to have sex with you again, he would have contacted you. You came off easy, you put out, and if he wanted you in his rotation, you'd be in it.

 

How exactly was I "used"? I WANTED to do what we did. My orgasm was fantastic.

 

I tried to be polite to your pretty generic mastodon-weilding-meat-head response but, eh **** it. You're probably a virgin or feel that women are obligated to shave their legs or some ****. Next you'll be calling me a whore!

 

You're boring, your responses are empty, so go offer nothing-advice to someone else.

[Casablanca]

Haha, pining sounded good when I wrote it. I left with a bit of a crush and it hasn't totally faded. Emotionally invested doesn't feel right though...I really don't know this guy! I just...wanna see if he even merits my crush.

But he isn't going to have any sort of "crush" back...why would you want to see if you have a crush on him if he isn't going to have one in return?

[lollipops]

Don't bother listening to the naysayers OP, the same old faces say the same old thing about every dating dilemma. They assume that we are after a relationship with every guy and would be turned off if we thought they were using us for sex. I think it's almost always more complicated than that. Most guys I know need to like and be attracted to a woman to go there. Especially during her period.

 

I reckon do the view profile thing and see if he messages in a couple of days.

 

If not that's when I think you come up with a funny flirty message to re-initiate contact.

 

Don't worry about the hair etc, most guys don't really notice at such moments or if they do it doesn't register that negatively - their minds are usually focused on the adjacent areas at such moments

 

I think I love you. I'll try the visitor thing. I wish he didn't browse anonymously though.

 

The thing about the hair ugh, haha. It's a funny story to me and it was fun telling some of my friends about it but we were in his house where it was pretty dark. I'm sure he could feel the wolf he was petting but it wasn't until later when we got into the shower (not in the dark) that I feel he could have been blinded by the light. I'm pale and have very dark hair. Need I say more? Haha.

[lollipops]

But he isn't going to have any sort of "crush" back...why would you want to see if you have a crush on him if he isn't going to have one in return?

 

How do you know that? He doesn't know me either. Do you have a crystal ball? Can I borrow it?

 

Or are you saying that he faked all conversation with me for a chance to have sex? What do you think we were talking about exactly? Do you think he was staring me in my eyes, calling me beautiful, whispering sweet nothings or something and just wooed me into submission?

[Casablanca]

I think I love you. I'll try the visitor thing. I wish he didn't browse anonymously though.

Not everyone notices who visits their profile, so no guarantee he sees

[D-Lish]

I think you are probably right and I was wrestling with this - He WAS assertive so it only makes sense he wouldn't have shied away later.

 

But I'm not exactly a meek little thing (quite the opposite) so I'm kind of surprised by my own shying away. So yknow...just made me wonder.

 

There were a few things he said though that made me feel that he was perhaps a little insecure and after all was said and done might have assumed that I wasn't interested and maybe -he- didn't want that rejection. Afterall, what we were doing was really more his performance than mine but I won't get all into that.

 

As far as the double standard - you are absolutely right. I know and accept this and I deal with it. But I'll never -not- be sexual with someone that I want to be sexual with because of it. If the guy I'm ****ing doesn't like that I can enjoy the same casual sex that he's enjoying then to hell with him.

 

But for the record, I genuinely don't believe this guy judged me based on that. I feel pretty confident we are both equal opportunity sluts, and it was okay with both of us.

 

I just got a bit of a crush. :>

 

Thanks for your thoughtful responses, D-lish.

 

My only hesitation about you reaching out to him if you have a bit of a crush on him is that you could end up getting hurt if he's the type of guy that makes a habit out of one night stands.

 

If you reached out to him for sex, there's a very good possibility he'd say yes. My question for you is are you prepared for that arrangement?

 

When it comes to casual sex, there is nothing wrong with two people enjoying the mutual benefits- as long as both people are on the same page.

 

If it's just sex you are looking for from him, that's one thing... If there is any sort of hope on your end for something more, he's already proved that he's not a great candidate for a boyfriend given his absence after your date.

 

My only advice to you if you wish to proceed with contacting him is to be careful. If you can foresee a situation in which you could be setting yourself up to get hurt- you are in control regarding whether or not you wish to set the wheels in motion or not.

[Casablanca]

How do you know that? He doesn't know me either. Do you have a crystal ball? Can I borrow it?

 

Or are you saying that he faked all conversation with me for a chance to have sex? What do you think we were talking about exactly? Do you think he was staring me in my eyes, calling me beautiful, whispering sweet nothings or something and just wooed me into submission?

Because he hasn't contacted you at all...it is very easy to get caught up in the moment, but once the dust settles and you reflect on the situation you realize you don't like the person like that. If he was interested he would hae contacted you already.

 

I've been in a similar situation, not sex on first date, but where it got hot and heavy really quick and then I or they pulled away soon after once we were out of the heat of the moment and we realized we werent that interested.

 

And yes there are guys who will sweet talk a lady just to see how far they can get...another notch on the belt if you will