OKC Date - should I contact him?

July 5, 2013

I met a guy on okc about 2 weeks ago. We planned to meet after work (kind of short notice) for a drink at a bar. (usual stuff). I wasn't expecting anything really - I mean it's OKC. But he was so easy to talk to and funny - we laughed so much. His photos didn't do him justice either...he was so much cuter in person.

He paid for my drinks while I was in the restroom (I had given the bartender my card to start my tab while waiting on him to show up) and I thought that was sweet. We leave and get on a train just ride around aimlessly but we're still laughing a lot and at some point he put his hand on my thigh and needless to say it was On after that.

We go back to his place but at this point I start to hesitate because I'm on my period and well I just moved to this city and haven't had any kind of a social life so to give the nitty gritty I was basically a bloody werewolf below the belt. *Not that I feel I have to be shorn at all times just in case a chance sexual encounter pops up of course - but sexy time I wanna feel sexy and this wasn't sexy!)

But I tell him this and he says he doesn't care so - away we go.

We don't have sex we do...other things. He was very dominant (but believable...it wasn't silly) and so the night goes along in this fashion.

It was awesome.

Afterwards, he was just going to give me a ride to the train but then instead insisted on driving me home. Before I got out I jokingly said "Well...it was nice meeting you" and stuck my hand out like I was going to shake hands with him and he says "Seriously?" and looks at me then grabs me and kisses me pretty damn passionately. And I leave.

And...we haven't spoken since.

A few things that made me think he could be interested in more than a one night stand - when he was driving me home he said something about how "next time" I should drive (so he'd be on my right side and could see a scar I was telling him about) - and during the not-sex he said something or other that he wanted me to do "tomorrow" (I can't remember this part it was hazy and in-the-moment) and when he paid my tab and I protested (not very hard mind you ) he said "You get the next place."

On the train my phone rang and I looked at it and he could see I had other OKC messages because I have that app and he sorta...looks through them? Someone had sent me a particularly stupid message and he wrote back - on my phone - for them to go away. It was funny. And I liked that he did that. I know, weird because invasion of privacy, I guess, but whatever, I liked it.

He also seemed strangely interested in getting how we first contacted each other straight in his mind. On the drive home he said "So, I IM'd you while you were in the middle of writing me a message, right?" He also asked me how many guys I messaged on there. Maybe he needed his own ego stroke...I dunno.

I'm not normally the type to be afraid to follow up but I do think I'd feel exceptionally bad if he turned me down. And the fact that he obviously didn't say anything to me makes me feel like - ok well THAT should be obvious he's not interested. But here I am pining away for him almost 3 weeks later and I've said nothing at all to him so...who knows maybe he could be too?

When I'm not interested in someone I don't normally contact them again so it seems logical that when I don't hear from someone that they aren't interested either.

This guy though...I really felt that there was chemistry there and he seemed confident enough that if he was interested he'd say something to me...but nada.

So, thoughts? Am I wishing for too much from one night stand? For the record, I'm all about fun, casual sex so unless there is some genuine chemistry I've never just pined away like this just because of a sexual encounter with someone. But me really liking him doesn't necessarily mean it is reciprocated.

Or could he possibly think I'm not interested or that I think we Went Too Far or something and figured I'd contact him if I wanted to see him again? I mean it wasn't exactly your run-of-the-mill one night stand.

Thanks for any replies!

July 5, 2013

I think it's worth contacting him.

I mean as long as you're prepared for him to have been just looking for casual.

But it has to be the right sort of contact. Confident, lighthearted, not emotional or needy.

Do you have each others phone numbers yet?

Oh actually a way to test the waters - do you have that setting on OKC where you can choose when people know when you've looked at their profile?

If you have looked at his profile since the date and he knows it then this won't work.

Just look at his profile next time you see him online. You'll show up in visitors and if he's interested it puts you back in his mind and he'll look back or message you in a couple of days.

Edited July 5, 2013 by Archgirl

July 5, 2013

Heya thanks for the response. Funny you mention the visitors thing - I thought about that. But he has never ever shown up in my visitors list, not even when he first IM'd me. He must either browse anonymously or do the A-list thing. I have't looked back at his profile since the date - not where he could see anyway. Just creepy fake-profile stalking.

I think I'm still pretty embarrassed about being so poorly groomed. I mean, legs and all!

I'm so not a lady.

July 5, 2013

The fact that he only wanted to drive you to the train is a red flag and then he hasn't contacted you at all...he isn't interested....it will be a FWB situation at best

July 5, 2013

The fact that he only wanted to drive you to the train is a red flag and then he hasn't contacted you at all...he isn't interested....it will be a FWB situation at best

Um, I told him he could just take me to the train and he insisted on driving me home, and he drove me home.

July 5, 2013

You met a guy off a free online dating site, he got it in on the first night, dropped you off and 3 weeks later he hasn't contacted you.

You're not even at FWB status. You were a one night stand. One pump, dump. Done.

I don't care how great you think your connection is, when you get sexual the first second you meet a guy, you're tossed in the booty call category. All he's thinking is, "Damn. I wonder how many other guys have gotten it in on the first date."

A guy that wants to hit up a girl to get laid is going to pump up the "chemistry" to make you feel special. It's not real. This definitely was your run of the mill one night stand. He had to put SOME effort in, in order to get you into bed. It wasn't like you were friends before hand.

A guy who's into you, who wants to date you, will contact you the next day after sex. 3 weeks? forget it.

Edited July 5, 2013 by KatZee

July 5, 2013

The fact that he hasn't called is a pretty good indicator that he's not overly interested. That's not to say he's not interested at all- but when a guy is genuinely interested, they don't generally leave a girl hanging.

I wouldn't chase after this one.

July 5, 2013

You met a guy off a free online dating site, he got it in on the first night, dropped you off and 3 weeks later he hasn't contacted you.

You're not even at FWB status. You were a one night stand. One pump, dump. Done.

I don't care how great you think your connection is, when you get sexual the first second you meet a guy, you're tossed in the booty call category. All he's thinking is, "Damn. I wonder how many other guys have gotten it in on the first date."

A guy that wants to hit up a girl to get laid is going to pump up the "chemistry" to make you feel special. It's not real. This definitely was your run of the mill one night stand. He had to put SOME effort in, in order to get you into bed. It wasn't like you were friends before hand.

A guy who's into you, who wants to date you, will contact you the next day after sex. 3 weeks? forget it.

I didn't mean it was different than a one night stand as in it was more "special" or even romantic, just that what we were doing wasn't ****ing. We didn't HAVE sex. To be all TMI, I was pretty turned on by what he was doing, told him I wanted to **** him, and he said "next time...I just want to make you do things right now."

I also didn't get the impression that he was the type to assume that getting sexual on a first date meant the woman was just un-dateable.

So I mean...I'm sure you're right in some aspects of your post, but not that one. Thanks for the insight.

July 5, 2013

The fact that he hasn't called is a pretty good indicator that he's not overly interested. That's not to say he's not interested at all- but when a guy is genuinely interested, they don't generally leave a girl hanging.

I wouldn't chase after this one.

This is mostly how I feel. But *I* don't normally say -nothing- either when I'm interested but for whatever reason I haven't been able to work up the nerve to say anything. I wondered if he could be feeling similar.

July 5, 2013

After your first date, did you contact him at all, or have you just waited 3 weeks for him to contact you first?

Honestly, I think if he was interested, he would have made contact with you.

July 5, 2013

I didn't mean it was different than a one night stand as in it was more "special" or even romantic, just that what we were doing wasn't ****ing. We didn't HAVE sex. To be all TMI, I was pretty turned on by what he was doing, told him I wanted to **** him, and he said "next time...I just want to make you do things right now."

So he had you suck his d*ck because you were on the rag.

It's been three weeks. This was and will remain a ONS, an occasional FWB at best.

July 5, 2013

After your first date, did you contact him at all, or have you just waited 3 weeks for him to contact you first?

Honestly, I think if he was interested, he would have made contact with you.

I haven't contacted him at all - Not to sound sarcastic or anything but I really thought I wrote a pretty clear post. But people are commenting that because he only wanted to take me to the train he's not interested - when that isn't even what I wrote. Maybe I should edit it down some. Haha.

Thanks.

July 5, 2013

Um, I told him he could just take me to the train and he insisted on driving me home, and he drove me home.

Missed that...but still if he hasnt contacted you, he isn't interested

July 5, 2013

I haven't contacted him at all - Not to sound sarcastic or anything but I really thought I wrote a pretty clear post. But people are commenting that because he only wanted to take me to the train he's not interested - when that isn't even what I wrote. Maybe I should edit it down some. Haha.

Thanks.

It was a long post, so I just skimmed

July 5, 2013

So he had you suck his d*ck because you were on the rag.

It's been three weeks. This was and will remain a ONS, an occasional FWB at best.

Well it's weird that he wouldn't want to put his dick in me because I was on the rag, but had no qualms about putting his hands and fingers all in it and around it, and everywhere else on my body, but I suppose you could be right.

I could have gone way more into detail about what we were doing and some of the more subtle nuances that made me think -he- was nervous about his performance but it just seemed like too much for one post.

He was a pretty dirty guy.

Anyway, I don't know him that well, obviously, I just remember really liking him before we even did anything, so I wondered if he would be interested in hanging out again or if he'd blow me off. What do you think?

July 5, 2013

Anyway, I don't know him that well, obviously, I just remember really liking him before we even did anything, so I wondered if he would be interested in hanging out again or if he'd blow me off. What do you think?

Since he hasn't contacted you, he would hangout and go for sex, but I know he isn't interested in a relationship due to his lack of calling

July 5, 2013

Since he hasn't contacted you, he would hangout and go for sex, but I know he isn't interested in a relationship due to his lack of calling

Well I'm not interested in a relationship with him either - I only knew him for about 5 hours. I just have a bit of a fuzzy crush. But I'd like to get to know him better for sure.

And at this point where there aren't any strong emotions, I'd be all about having sex with him, relationship or no, so that's totally fine too.

July 5, 2013

This is mostly how I feel. But *I* don't normally say -nothing- either when I'm interested but for whatever reason I haven't been able to work up the nerve to say anything. I wondered if he could be feeling similar.

Judging by his behaviour on your date, he's not shy about going after what he wants- he demonstrated the opposite- he's quite assertive! That alone should tell you that if he was interested (genuinely interested), he doesn't seem like the type to hesitate to ask someone out again.

He sounds like one of those guys that knows all the right things to say. This could be something he makes a habit of.

No judgement from my end about getting intimate with him so quickly- but one of the problems with getting intimate so quickly with someone you don't know is that you are taking a risk in doing so if you are hoping for something more genuine than a one night stand. Some long term relationships start out that way- but a lot don't.

There is still a double standard when it comes to gender and sex. The same men that are willing to get naked with you on a first date, will judge you for indulging them. It's hypocrisy yes, but a reality nonetheless.

I wouldn't reach out to him. As I said before, he demonstrated he's not a wallflower- which doesn't jive with the notion that he might just be too shy to reach out.

July 5, 2013

I haven't contacted him at all - Not to sound sarcastic or anything but I really thought I wrote a pretty clear post. But people are commenting that because he only wanted to take me to the train he's not interested - when that isn't even what I wrote. Maybe I should edit it down some. Haha.

Thanks.

I didn't say anything about the train.

I dont' think it would have mattered if he offered to drive you home, not drive you home, give you cab fare or whatever....if he's not contacted you, he's not interested.

July 5, 2013

Well I'm not interested in a relationship with him either - I only knew him for about 5 hours. I just have a bit of a fuzzy crush. But I'd like to get to know him better for sure.

And at this point where there aren't any strong emotions, I'd be all about having sex with him, relationship or no, so that's totally fine too.

Then what do you want? Just some casual no strings fun?

July 5, 2013

Then what do you want? Just some casual no strings fun?

What I want is to contact him ask him to hang out again and...have him say yes? If I liked him more the second go round then who is to say, I may like him and want more, but right now I just wanna see him again!

But because neither of us has said anything, and judging by the opinions of some people here, he probably has 0 interest and if he said no I'd feel bad.

July 5, 2013

Well I'm not interested in a relationship with him either - I only knew him for about 5 hours. I just have a bit of a fuzzy crush. But I'd like to get to know him better for sure.

And at this point where there aren't any strong emotions, I'd be all about having sex with him, relationship or no, so that's totally fine too.

Are you sure? "Pining" for someone for three weeks sounds a wee bit more emotionally invested than that.

I mean, if you just wanted sex, why not contact him within a week of the first encounter? Almost any guy would be happy to oblige.

I think you should seek out fresh, er, meat.

July 5, 2013

So he had you suck his d*ck because you were on the rag.

It's been three weeks. This was and will remain a ONS, an occasional FWB at best.

LOL, exactly! He wanted you to "do things to him" and you got absolutely nothing out of it but a false promise of "next time I'll f.uck you."

Totally used. I'm sure he's got a whole contact list of women he has casual sex with. If he wanted to have sex with you again, he would have contacted you. You came off easy, you put out, and if he wanted you in his rotation, you'd be in it.

Edited July 5, 2013 by KatZee

July 5, 2013

Don't bother listening to the naysayers OP, the same old faces say the same old thing about every dating dilemma. They assume that we are after a relationship with every guy and would be turned off if we thought they were using us for sex. I think it's almost always more complicated than that. Most guys I know need to like and be attracted to a woman to go there. Especially during her period.

I reckon do the view profile thing and see if he messages in a couple of days.

If not that's when I think you come up with a funny flirty message to re-initiate contact.

Don't worry about the hair etc, most guys don't really notice at such moments or if they do it doesn't register that negatively - their minds are usually focused on the adjacent areas at such moments

July 5, 2013

What I want is to contact him ask him to hang out again and...have him say yes? If I liked him more the second go round then who is to say, I may like him and want more, but right now I just wanna see him again!

But because neither of us has said anything, and judging by the opinions of some people here, he probably has 0 interest and if he said no I'd feel bad.

Or he could be thinking - man I hope she didn't notice my deoderant had worn off, why hasn't she messaged me?

They are equally likely.

I don't think the point in life is to avoid feeling bad. You'll get over it. It's harder to get over regrets of inaction IMO.

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OKC Date - should I contact him?

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