ddspike21 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Me and my ex broke up June 12th because we both have been very stressed out at the moment and it affected our relationship, furthermore, we ran into recurring problems that in order for the relationship to move forward, had to be addressed and fixed. i told her that i was going to not contact her so i can sort myself out and become a better person and she understood and said that shes gonna do the same. Anyway, we started NC July 2nd and i figured it would be best to contact her next July 28th, her birthday, just by sending a simple happy birthday text and take it from there. And from now to then im fixing the problems that i personally had with the relationship, i wont just be waiting around, i want to prove to her that i can be a better person. Does that seem like a good enough time to re-initiate contact?
Tenderheartbear Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 If I read it right, you said you will contact her NEXT July...that's a whole year from now. So much can happen during that time. How can you be sure that by next July you would even want to contact her? You might be way over this thing by then. My advice is to take this one day at a time and work on yourself like you plan. Don't plan ahead to July 28, 2014...let's just focus on getting through July 5th...2013.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 If you mean July 28 of this year, it's too soon. Let the birthday slide. If you mean July 28 of next year, that's an ambitious goal, but maybe during that time you'll forget about your "need" to talk to her.
Tenderheartbear Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Ok I re-read the whole time frame thing. You might very well be talking about this July...too soon man...too soon. If you are serious about making some changes, you're gonna need A LOT more time than that. Sorry
Author ddspike21 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 Ok I re-read the whole time frame thing. You might very well be talking about this July...too soon man...too soon. If you are serious about making some changes, you're gonna need A LOT more time than that. Sorry yeah i meant this month, and how come its too soon? im just curious.
Tenderheartbear Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 You said in your post that you weren't going to contact her until you sort yourself out and become a better person...can an overweight person lose 50 lbs in 2 weeks? Probably not. Growing and becoming a better person does not happen in a couple of weeks. It takes time, rises and falls, etc. You will proceed the way you feel is best but no one will ever fix relationship issues and themselves in a matter of two weeks. If that was possible, there would be no breaks ups or divorce.
Author ddspike21 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 You said in your post that you weren't going to contact her until you sort yourself out and become a better person...can an overweight person lose 50 lbs in 2 weeks? Probably not. Growing and becoming a better person does not happen in a couple of weeks. It takes time, rises and falls, etc. You will proceed the way you feel is best but no one will ever fix relationship issues and themselves in a matter of two weeks. If that was possible, there would be no breaks ups or divorce. then when should i? wait till she contacts me?
Simon Phoenix Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 then when should i? wait till she contacts me? 2-3 months at minimum. Basically you shouldn't contact her until emotions on both sides and you can talk to her a) without any expectations of a positive response from her and b) when emotions on both sides have settled and you are nearing indifference. And once that happens, you should wait another month to make sure those things have truly taken place. 3
BC1980 Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 I agree waiting 2-3 months at minimum. You will think you can handle talking to her, but, trust me, it will devolve into hurt feelings for one or both parties. One of you will inevitably bring up the relationship in some way.
Author ddspike21 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 I agree waiting 2-3 months at minimum. You will think you can handle talking to her, but, trust me, it will devolve into hurt feelings for one or both parties. One of you will inevitably bring up the relationship in some way. ok, that makes sense, i wont contact her for 2-3 months, and then unless she initiates first, how should i contact her from there?
Simon Phoenix Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 ok, that makes sense, i wont contact her for 2-3 months, and then unless she initiates first, how should i contact her from there? Get through the three months first, then ask that question. 2
athousandquestions Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Even if she initiates it is best for you not to reply. You guys are still going to have high emotions. You need at least 2-3 months of no contact (as other posters have said). If you reply to her, you are starting back from day 1 and will have to wait another 2-3 months. You will be surprised as to how much can change in that time, about the way you feel about her and yourself. In this time do some serious work, make yourself a better person, and make yoruself happy. You need to become happy without her, happy on your own, before you can ever be happy with her again!
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