Haseo Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I dated this girl for a year and when exams came around she got really stressed out and needed space, i gave it to her but then it just continued, she said she needed time to figure herself out and sort out her own life. So i waited around more (i still lived my own life im not a puppy dog, i just made myself available and talked to her everyday) But more reasons came, like she needed to get over problems with her exes from the past before she can truly open up to me and it just started to seem like excuse after excuse. Several times i straight up asked her if she wanted to break up and she told me no. One day i told her i was done waiting and she had to fight for me for a change if she wanted me in her life, she said that she would but then the next day said she needed space and so i didnt talk to her for a week. When i asked what was going on between us she said she just needed time. Recently she said we should work at being friends first and she said that this wasnt as much of a break as it is about me moving on. She has given a million mixed signals and now i've been trying no contact for about a week but i dont know if that is the right idea, i've done this before and to be honest...its really different feeling this time. What do you guys think?
Country_Girl Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 None of those are good signs, seems as though she has you on the back burner...silently stringing you along as a safety net in case someone better (in her eyes) comes along. It's really not fair when people do that ****, because by the time you recognize it, you've wasted so much time waiting for something that just isn't going to happen. The only chance at getting her back is pulling the disappearing act. If you guys are in contact and you act interested in her life, she's going to know she has you as an option. She'll exploit that, go on dates, probably meet someone else, and she'll feel secure knowing if she falls you'll be there to break the fall. I'm not calling you a doormat, but she's being selfish and treating you like one. Do no contact or limited contact. NEVER be the first to initiate contact. If she calls/texts/emails, and you decided to reply, wait a few days. And trust me, once you fall off the face of the planet for a bit, she'll initiate some kind of contact, she'll be wondering where her security blanket is. Fall off the map...NC. Stick up for yourself, when she comes poking for info wondering why she hasn't heard from you, tell her you're not sure you want to be with someone that doesn't know for sure they want to be with you.
Author Haseo Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 (edited) I'd like to think when it comes to these situations i handle myself pretty well and i knew that was the case yet, i wasnt going to be a dick and just drop out of her life because she had a terminally ill family member, i stuck around and was her doormat but i rather myself suffer through that then leave her on her own i suppose. I've already initiated NC but its been several months of this waiting around being her "doormat" and im starting to wonder/worry if i waited too long to begin it. I told her the other day that i couldn't be her friend and as a person i have to say goodbye and she simply said goodbye and she wishes me the best. I was her first long term boyfriend and to be honest, i never once treated her poorly, i'd like to think these kinds of things add up to she will miss me and come back but part of me thinks my window of opportunity may have faded away. What do you think? Edited July 6, 2013 by Haseo
Author Haseo Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 I just deleted her off of facebook. I hope i made the right move. I know that she doesn't deserve to have me chase her, i deserve to have her chase me and so she will reach out if need be, she has my number. I just can't handle seeing other men on her facebook page anymore. Did i do alright guys?
Country_Girl Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 You may have waited too long initiating NC, it's best to fall off the map within a month. Personally, I wouldn't have told her why, it reveals your cards that you still have feelings. Deleting off Facebook was a good move, it will help with healing. You might want to take it a step further and block her, that is, if you're tempted to look at her profile. You sound like a nice guy, if she meets a bunch of jerks (and I'm sure she will)- I'm betting she'll be back. But by the time that happens, you'll probably be moved on. Just guard yourself, she might come around at the 1 or 2 month mark of NC, just looking for info. All of my exes have come back as a result of curiosity - but by the time they did it was too late and I was over it.
Author Haseo Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Im trying to avoid thinking about the possibility of her coming back or contacting me, i hope for it but i know i can't cling to something like that, i'll never move on that way. I've been thinking about trying to see other women...the only thing is to be honest i am a genuine guy and i've never broken up with or hurt anyone i've been with. I want to see other women, to heal myself but it feels selfish because i wont be invested in them, and sure it could turn into something more who knows but the more likely option is that im just using them as a rebound fling to get over a girl. To be honest, even though i am the one on a forum asking for advice and help, i need to do that in order to not contact her but honestly, i have enough self confidence to realize that after doing what she did...im probably too good for her. I know that sounds egotistical but its not like i ever did her wrong, and its not like i was clingy or anything. In fact she never could provide a reason as to why this happened other than "I don't know, i just can't be in a relationship. I need to do this for myself." She even pulled the "its not you, its me" card, which admitably is true. All this aside i do wish for her to come back to me, she did make me very happy and is a very kind girl. I know im strong enough to do NC, im just afraid it wont work.
Author Haseo Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 I just realized i posted this in the wrong section. So Ya just leave this alone haha
mplates Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 Turn around, walk away and get focused on your purpose. Don't call her, let her come to you. When/If she contacts you make a time to get together, have fun and make her feel special - but don't talk about a relationship. The purpose of the get-togethers is to hang out and have fun I wouldn't worry about the Facebook thing. That's self-preservation for your sake - good move!
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