Meddlingminx Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Hello, everyone~ This forum has been a tremendous source of information and inspiration for me, and I'd like to send a virtual lovegram to each and every one of you. xo. I'm curious about everyone's experience with their online LDR...do you think this person is your soulmate? Do you think there's something unique about meeting someone far away that lends itself to this perception? I find myself indulging in this type of thinking fairly often, and I'm awfully interested in everyone else's thoughts on the matter. As for me, I'm a 40 year old American woman who's having a relationship with a 40 year old Canadian man. We have plans to meet later this summer...and I'm petrified beyond belief. 1
CA2TN4Love Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 LoL@your petrified beyond belief statement. I know how you feel, but it will disappear within a few minutes of meeting. Trust me on that. =) As for the soulmate connection...I'm not sure. I think there are a lot of positives to an online connection: communication is all you have, anticipation builds when thinking of meeting up, and it's always an exciting thought that someone far away is thinking about you. It can be very romantic. However, experience has taught me that no matter how much you think the person on the other side of the screen is your soulmate, you will only be able to confirm that by meeting. There is so much more to a person than just mere words. People have habits, and smells, and facial expressions. There is no way to convey these things online. The human brain is magnificent in that we are creative creatures and can fill in the missing blanks with thoughts that give us butterflies. Unfortunately, it's not always translatable in real life. Until you are physically near him, you won't be able to gauge your chemical reaction to him. I am a firm believer that chemistry is a large part of attraction. I have gotten butterflies from men who I didn't find to be the most attractive, and I've also had no chemistry at all with men who are visually appealing. Anyhow, those are just my thoughts. I do think that you can find someone who is compatible with you online (whom you feel is your soulmate), but the physical attraction must be present in order for it to be a complete package, and you can only determine that through being together in person. 2
CarrieT Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I'm petrified beyond belief. You should be... I met my online soulmate. I ended an 11-year relationship to be this man I met online and who "understood me" like no one else. And it failed. It not only failed - it failed like a rocket ship sent to the moon fails; flailing back to earth in a conflagration of destruction. Here is why I caution against "soulmates" of any kind - especially those created from online romances: This person you have met online is a fantasy of what you have created in your mind. Granted, you have pieced together who you want this person to be based on your conversations and information that has been provided, but there is an aspect of ALL THE OTHER STUFF that can only occur when you are physically with someone that you haven't experienced yet. The way you meet and fall in love with someone occurs over all the little things - how that person smells, their gentle body inflections and movements, how they react to you, how they sleep and brush their teeth and hold your hand. You have not experienced any of that yet so the person you are in love with DOES NOT EXIST. You have created the perfect person in your mind, but it is only a fragment of what that person is so until you are in each others' presence, I would offer extreme caution. 5
Author Meddlingminx Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Thank you both, I absolutely agree, actually. Note I didn't say I *believe* that he's my "soulmate", just that I'm observing that thought pattern. The field of Cyber Psychology is pretty interesting, especially, in my view, how people connect through technology; the real and perceived intimacy, the impact of interpretation, the ability to review a "relationship transcript". Many dimensions. I have some time yet to consider the situation- for now, I'm just dialing down the expectations and romantic iterations.
justwhoiam Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I'm curious about everyone's experience with their online LDR...do you think this person is your soulmate? Yes. And I am old enough to know. Do you think there's something unique about meeting someone far away that lends itself to this perception? No. It just happened that he lived somewhere else far away. I had no romantic interest in him before meeting him in person. We have plans to meet later this summer...and I'm petrified beyond belief. Relax, you have time to be worked up 5 minutes before meeting him. He was more nervous than me, and it showed a bit. He's always with butterflies in his stomach as soon as we meet... Every time. And at times, even when we speak on the phone.
HeavenOrHell Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 I don't really beleive in soulmates, since two of the people who were apparently 'soulmates' left me, when your 'soulmate' leaves after 2 decades, you do become jaded I now think a person can have more than one great love in their lifetime, I don't think there is just one person for everyone out of the billions of people in the world, that is just silly! Some of the people in LDR's say this is the best r/ship they've had as they've found their one true love, I don't feel like that as I've already experienced it in previous r/ships. With my current partner he is very special, there's no-one else I want to be with, I don't think it's the distance which makes him seem more special, maybe for those who've not met their partner IRL yet and it's more of a fantasy it might make it seem more special. Hello, everyone~ This forum has been a tremendous source of information and inspiration for me, and I'd like to send a virtual lovegram to each and every one of you. xo. I'm curious about everyone's experience with their online LDR...do you think this person is your soulmate? Do you think there's something unique about meeting someone far away that lends itself to this perception? I find myself indulging in this type of thinking fairly often, and I'm awfully interested in everyone else's thoughts on the matter. As for me, I'm a 40 year old American woman who's having a relationship with a 40 year old Canadian man. We have plans to meet later this summer...and I'm petrified beyond belief.
HeavenOrHell Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Depends how well they get on and if it lives up to their expectations or not LoL@your petrified beyond belief statement. I know how you feel, but it will disappear within a few minutes of meeting. Trust me on that. =) .
hoping2heal Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 My best friend IRL married her online "soulmate". Though, I don't think she ever called him that. I do know she mentioned she planned to marry him before they met. Everyone, self included - thought she was nuts but much to everyone's surprise they stayed together for a few years and then subsequently married. It doesn't work for everyone, but it works for some. I think there's alot you can learn about each other so long as you're both honest. But, there's still alot you can't really know without being together in person. I think those things that are "missing" drive the elated soulmate feelings. You don't have to share space with them, in many senses; you can come and go as you please. When you want some space and to be alone well..you've got nothing but space. You don't have to put up with their annoying habits. You probably either don't fully know or aren't yet affected by their spending habits and financial handling. You can decorate your home anyway you'd like and you don't have to put up with their dirty laundry on the floor..or in some cases..them waking you up at 5 a.m. to make the bed due to their meticulous cleaning preference. There's alot of relationship pressure that is not put on both people. So, you just get to enjoy spending time with the person and conversing with them. That's not to say that there are no negatives but in a sense it's almost like "all the fun, without the responsibility". That dynamic changes a bit of course when you meet, need to spend money on travel, and start spending more time in person but still. Honesty is ultimately the most important component as without it the rest becomes null and void. If two people are honest in their representation and not just trying to be "fantasy characters" of themselves.
FitChick Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Nothing wrong with meeting someone online. You just have to be realistic about it. I do a lot of long distance dating and very rarely have I thought I was meeting my soulmate. The point of meeting is to find out if there is a connection in real life. There are no guarantees just like there are no guarantees you will meet your soulmate at the corner market.
RedQueen Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Connection is connection. I've met people who are now very important in my life through the internet and the connection seemed to be what it was online -although there are obvious exceptions due to chemicals, scent, physical bearing etc. My bf and I are 'nevermets' but our connection is undeniable. That being said, we've both discussed the possibility of things being 'weird' when we meet and if our chemistry -or yours, doesn't lean towards romantic, chances are the connection will remain and at the very least, after a possible period of disappointment and adjustment, you still end up with someone you care about in whatever capacity.
Recommended Posts