SER Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) Ugh. Dating 6 months now, mid twenties. Everything going mostly swimmingly but I have insecurities and had a hint of needing to be curious and checked his phone. Background info, he told me a few weeks ago that he was going to a birthday lunch with his "friend" x, a female name, and some other friends. I know that this is his ex, but he doesn't know that I know. He never has let me know that, he just refers to her as his friend. The lunch turned out to be with one of his close male friends and her family. This girl is his best friend's sister that he dated for maybe 2 years, ending about 3 years ago as far as I know. She was his second gf, the one who took his virginity. They are all close. That made me uncomfortable. Also, we recently had a talk an he said that he didnt know if I was serious about the relationship because I never invite him out to meet or see my friends and he felt like I was keeping him a secret. I have since remedied that and invite him out most times. He, however, has not shown the same. He doesn't ever invite me out with his friends, so he's not showing the same respect. I got suspicious today because he kept texting yesterday only when I would get up to get something or go to the bathroom when we were hanging out. I found that his ex texted him if he wanted to hang out the other night, when I was over. He suggested maybe another night. I also saw that he invited her to go out with him and his friends to a pub crawl the previous week, one that he told me about but that I was not invited to. "What are you doing tomorrow night?" "Oh me and my friend jack are going to a pub crawl, it should be fun" "oh that sounds cool". That's how our conversation went. His initiated text to her the next day was "hey me and jack are going to a pub crawl tonight, you should come!" So who's keeping who a secret now? So his most recent texts, last night, was her asking if he was going to be in town for the holiday to hang out. Didn't get a chance to read the rest, but I know a couple of things 1. They still hang out one on one and 2. He doesn't mention this and is lying by omission. So, a few questions... Is it normal what he's doing if someone is still close to an ex gf as a friend, so maybe it's harmless? He is touchy feely by nature so I'm sure he's touchy feely with her still. Thoughts? Edited July 4, 2013 by SER
Author SER Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 I also wanted to add that he didn't invite me to go to his and his friends' hangout yesterday even though I invited him a week ago to hang out with my friends. He was going to stop by his sister's house right before to hang out there before he went with his friends and only said this as we were walking out his apartment door, "oh and you are welcome to come out to my sister's to hang out if you didn't have plans." Ok, thanks for the late invite that's impossible to say that I can attend. And again, no invite to hanging out with his friends. Could be because his ex will be there. Not sure of that's ok...
Treasa Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Too many red flags. I'm sure some people will tell you to talk to him, but I wouldn't even want to put any more time into this dude. I'd bail out of there.
Star Gazer Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 He's hiding you because he hopes to get back together with his ex. I'd bet good money on it. I also agree he's pretty uninvested in you. You spent the holiday apart when he easily could have included you. Have you met ANY of his friends? If so, were you introduced as his girlfriend?
Author SER Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Treasa - I know there are a lot of red flags... but I still feel he's a good person, I think he's just inexperienced. FL - That first sentence made me laugh, thanks! But yea, I see what you mean. It's not like we don't do things together though. I took him to see a musical outdoors and he took care of the picnic, spending close to $200 on it because he wanted to make it special. I don't know if that counts for being semi-comatose instead of completely in a coma, it's just that he doesn't bring invite me out to see his friends. Star Gazer - I met one friend 4 months ago and went out with them twice. I wasn't introduced as his girlfriend then since we were only dating for 2 months or so, so no.
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