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Problems with rebound

baumkuchan

By baumkuchan
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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baumkuchan New Member

baumkuchan

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About 2 weeks ago, I ended my 6-month long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I then met someone new about 2 days after the breakup - I think I knew deep down that I was on the rebound, but I decided to talk to him anyway. We flirted pretty hard for about a week, and I was happy because he was giving me the loving and affection that I wanted but didn't get from my ex. When my ex and I broke up, he seemed not to care at all about the breakup, and that ended up bothering me more than I should've let it. The new guy and I ended up sleeping together at the end of the week. The day after, he stopped texting me as often, and his texts were far less affectionate. He kept saying that he was busy with work and that he had to reschedule our dates afterwards. I then suspected that he had already lost interest and that he had just wanted sex, so I told him that we should just be friends while giving the excuse that I was moving to NYC (which I'm doing in the Fall; I currently live in Southern California). I only initiated the "split" for my own pride; I didn't want to experience getting rejected again. He said that was fine with him, and after a few more messages, I said that I was still willing to hang out with him as friends. No reply so far, and it's been two days.

 

I don't know why I'm so hung up over a rebound, and I don't know why I think about him more than I ever thought about my ex after my breakup. How do I maintain NC with either of them when I can't stop thinking about them? Any tips on how to get through this? I feel like I'm going through two breakups, even though I've only been through one actual relationship. :(

Edited by baumkuchan
Appleness Established Member

Appleness

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No one likes being rejected. You feel awful because you expected him to pursue you and he didn't. It sucks but like you said, he was just a rebound anyway. He was looking for sex and you wanted an ego-stroke. Neither of you got what you wanted. Chalk it up to a lesson learned and just move on. There will be other people who will come in and out of your life. Other people who are awesome and wonderful that you will truly fall in love with. These are the people that will break your heart when they leave. What you feel now will be a paper-cut in comparison.

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baumkuchan New Member

baumkuchan

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Hmm, yeah, I think I know deep down that there will be much more special people in my life, but I'm just experiencing feelings of regret periodically lately. I sometimes regret breaking it off with the rebound because I might have just misinterpreted his reply frequency as a loss of interest (maybe he just didn't feel like talking to me at the time or he was actually busy?). Other times, I think I did the right thing and that he just wanted sex.

 

Lately, I have fleeting moments where I just don't care about him anymore, and I wish these moments were longer and more frequent. But I think my occasional moments of regret are holding me back from not caring about him anymore. How do I stop regretting this decision? Am I just being hopeful for no good reason?

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