krz Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) To start off I'm just not the talkative, express my feelings type; I always said my actions speak louder (she understood, but I admit my actions kinda dwindled away as of late). I have just always been uncomfortable expressing myself but my recent break up (being the dumpee) kinda jolted me awake on the issue. My now ex of 3.5 years has been going through a lot of stress and anxiety, work and family problems, money problems, and self-reliance and self-worth issues (depression) as of the past few months especially. She just graduated and has over $50k to pay off and to top it all off she started thinking I wasn't attracted to her due to my own quiet and shy ways of trying to express my love to her. The recent busy lifestyle of us both along with me living with her in a small bedroom of her family's house has only amplified the negatives it seems. She will stay quiet and reserved when having problems, naturally being stubborn, and not tell me what's wrong even if I ask. She started getting irritated a lot and kinda vent out onto me instead using her annoyances of me as a sort of cover I think. She will constantly look at herself harshly as if she's the most horrid person alive, she will ask me if she's ugly/fat, ask me if I thought sex was good enough. Kind of like she was trying to get some kind of hint about my feeling on her. She broke up with me 10 days ago now. She said she needs time to focus on herself and that our relationship needed the space. After the break up I started feeling as though her issues with us specifically were mostly due to the combination of what I wrote above. So, I decided to try to make her happy with herself and apologize for not expressing myself enough with her/making her think I'm not attracted. I am. More than before even. I finally let out that I loved her. I bought her gifts nonstop for a few days after our break up but in the end, while she admitted she appreciated the gifts and seeing me try to improve our relationship and myself for her (she actually took a day to think about taking me back after this), she explained that we should still be broken up for now and that she doesn't know if my gifts are genuine or just from me being backed into a corner. She said we shouldn't contact each other for a while, kinda going on NC before I did. She wants to go to therapy, get a better job, do things that she used to enjoy and learn to rely on herself. But I started thinking today, is there any possible way of maintaining no direct contact yet still getting my point across that I'm still crazy about her and how attractive she really is to me? Would that be a good idea all things considered? I was thinking about some kind of service like edible arrangements. Anything really. Another aspect I'm confused about here is her starting the NC first. Is this some kind of possible reverse psychology at play here? What happens if it is and we're both on NC just waiting for the other to reach out? Edited July 4, 2013 by krz
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 But I started thinking today, is there any possible way of maintaining no direct contact yet still getting my point across that I'm still crazy about her and how attractive she really is to me? No. She knows already. Would that be a good idea all things considered? I was thinking about some kind of service like edible arrangements. Anything really. This will pi$$ her off and make her see you as needy and desperate. Frankly, she will simply get more irritated, and be convinced she wqas right all along. Furthermore, if she's requested/instigated NC, she will want you to respect that. if you don't, she won't respect you. Another aspect I'm confused about here is her starting the NC first. Is this some kind of possible reverse psychology at play here? What happens if it is and we're both on NC just waiting for the other to reach out? Nope. 'Breaks' are Bullschyte. They really don't actually exist..... This is a break-up. It's over. And she knows it. You need to see this for what it is. The end. Focus on you, and moving on.
Author krz Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 No. She knows already. This will pi$$ her off and make her see you as needy and desperate. Frankly, she will simply get more irritated, and be convinced she wqas right all along. Furthermore, if she's requested/instigated NC, she will want you to respect that. if you don't, she won't respect you. Nope. 'Breaks' are Bullschyte. They really don't actually exist..... This is a break-up. It's over. And she knows it. You need to see this for what it is. The end. Focus on you, and moving on. Man this is crazy...
Nightvisions Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I am going through hell right now myself so I might be biased but look, If you love her that much tell her exactly how you feel face to face and tell her you understand and put your arms around her look her in the eyes and tell her that if she needs time to think you love her enough to give her the time she needs. It sounds to me like she just wants to make sure you are what she wants. God luck bro
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Man this is crazy... Oh, you think? Why, is what you're doing, 'working'...? I think not. look, trust me - we see this a lot. Maybe twice a day. Sometimes three times. A DAY. And believe me when I tell you - it's the same thing over and over again: 'she' makes it perfectly clear it's over. 'he' refuses to believe it, or insists there must be some way round it/over it/back to it.... There never is. There - Never - Is. When a woman tells you it's over for her - believe her.
Author krz Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Oh, you think? Why, is what you're doing, 'working'...? I think not. look, trust me - we see this a lot. Maybe twice a day. Sometimes three times. A DAY. And believe me when I tell you - it's the same thing over and over again: 'she' makes it perfectly clear it's over. 'he' refuses to believe it, or insists there must be some way round it/over it/back to it.... There never is. There - Never - Is. When a woman tells you it's over for her - believe her. Well right now all I'm doing is the NC, your guide. I haven't said a word to her and I unfollowed her from social sites. As per the guide. But I also realize every situation is different, and I know to you having been here for so long may all sound the same, but it's true. Otherwise every person would have the same outcome, no? Some get back together, some don't, it's how it seems to go based upon different people. I'm only trying to get a handle on this by looking at all the aspects of it. I know it's best to just treat it how it is, a break up. But damn, it was only 10 days ago for me and we just stopped talking 2 days ago. And even if I got a positive response about my post I still wouldn't contact her for any reason. I know that. From what I've read here I'm way ahead of the curve already in coping with my situation. Most don't go NC until they're burnt out after months of failed chasing or being friendzoned it seems.
Author krz Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 I am going through hell right now myself so I might be biased but look, If you love her that much tell her exactly how you feel face to face and tell her you understand and put your arms around her look her in the eyes and tell her that if she needs time to think you love her enough to give her the time she needs. It sounds to me like she just wants to make sure you are what she wants. God luck bro Before the NC and with our last meeting face to face I did say this and more. I told her I'd respect her decision and I've not contacted her since (well apart from coincidentally being laid off from my job on Tuesday which hit me hard). I realize I must give her the space she wants if I ever want the minuscule chance of ever being with her again and I must go NC in order to protect myself. I suppose I'm just on the fence of being in the denial stage and trying to move on right now. But 10 days ago we were together and this situation was nowhere in sight for me. Drastic changes have occurred and I'm trying my best to deal with it all.
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