Lovezen_30 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I've known this man for about 9 months. We clicked/became friends quickly but both had respective partners at the time of meeting. Regardless, I always had an intuition he felt something for me. Eventually, he broke it off with the person he was with and I basically realised that he would be the only person I would consider dating were I not with my current partner. However things between my boyfriend and I were really good, and I never had thoughts further than that because we were happy. Until about 7 months later, when my relationship fell apart. My boyfriend became depressed and lashed out at me/said some awful things that ultimately damaged us too much to make me feel like I could get over. And I never knew when the next episode was going to occur. Anyway, my ex and I have been broken up just shy of 2 months. And I've been dating my friend for a month (I even feel ashamed writing that...) after he admitted feelings for me. Thing is we've already booked a weekend trip together for in a month's time and even though rationally I realise it is way fast I don't feel remotely strange about it. I think the biggest thing holding me back is feeling that I'll hurt my ex (he still texts me asking how I am etc). Even though I technically know I have no obligation to him/for him. Life has been stressful for the past few months and I suppose it has just made me want to have fun - though I may not be able to completely without hurting feelings. Help?
Jaina19 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Go for it! and don't feel guilty you have no obligation to your ex now that you've broken up to not date other people, have fun, go on holidays, etc. It doesn't sound too soon, you'd have been dating for a couple of months by the time of your trip. Though it sounds like you might still have some lingering feelings for your ex if you're worried about hurting his feelings. If you were over him you wouldn't think of him much at all. Who broke up with who? How often does he text you? Perhaps consider lessening the contact between you in the first few months of your break up, you don't want your ex on your mind when you're trying to move on! Good luck
Author Lovezen_30 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) Go for it! and don't feel guilty you have no obligation to your ex now that you've broken up to not date other people, have fun, go on holidays, etc. It doesn't sound too soon, you'd have been dating for a couple of months by the time of your trip. Though it sounds like you might still have some lingering feelings for your ex if you're worried about hurting his feelings. If you were over him you wouldn't think of him much at all. Who broke up with who? How often does he text you? Perhaps consider lessening the contact between you in the first few months of your break up, you don't want your ex on your mind when you're trying to move on! Good luck Ex and I were together almost two years so it's still fresh in a way. But at the same time I don't particularly have romantic feelings towards him anymore, though I still have a lot of love for him. Probably always will. I'm worried about hurting his feelings because he is depressed. When I want to collect my things last week he cried...and was still teared up as I was on my way out of the door. I care about him and don't want to see someone I was once close to suffering. I know he feels bad for the way things panned out. But at the same time, I so want to go for it with my new guy! I feel like it isn't that simple though, as though I need to think about the repercussions. I know what people (mainly our mutual friends) will think about me if they see me moving on so fast despite whether it feels right to me. I currently feel like there is a fine line between being sensitive to my ex's feelings and living my life the way I want to. Edited July 4, 2013 by Lovezen_30
todreaminblue Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 If you are ready to move on with your life i feel you should, you cant determine what you do by your ex,or by how your ex feels, if he wants to be part of your life then he has to realise your life is going to include an eventual guy who you are with .he will not be alone forever eventually he will meet someone else.neither should you be alone because of your ex......either now or in the future you have to live your life the way you want to live it ....... exes are history normally for a good reason...feeling held by your ex needs to be history too, before you move on.....best wishes..deb
Author Lovezen_30 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) If you are ready to move on with your life i feel you should, you cant determine what you do by your ex,or by how your ex feels, if he wants to be part of your life then he has to realise your life is going to include an eventual guy who you are with .he will not be alone forever eventually he will meet someone else.neither should you be alone because of your ex......either now or in the future you have to live your life the way you want to live it ....... exes are history normally for a good reason...feeling held by your ex needs to be history too, before you move on.....best wishes..deb Do you think there is a timeframe for when I can be out in the 'open' with my new guy so to speak, to at least maintain a little bit of sensitivity? Whenever I've asked other friends how long they've waited to be with a new guy etc they've said 'six months' and so on...if ex and I are going to be friends I would hate for him to think the relationship had meant nothing to me because I have moved on relatively quickly. It doesn't help that my ex hasn't even really told anyone/friends we have broken up. Edited July 4, 2013 by Lovezen_30
Phantom888 Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 If you feel a hint of guilt, you are not ready. What's the hurry?
Author Lovezen_30 Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 If you feel a hint of guilt, you are not ready. What's the hurry? I am trying to figure out whether this is the case or not. Well, the hurry...it's more to do with the guy I'm dating. I explained the situation and he said he's a 'patient guy' and that he's happy to wait (usually over the phone). But then when we see each other in person we act very coupley - I almost can't help it, it feels like a natural progression. He can be a bit intense sometimes (it was him that suggested the weekend away), but I don't dislike it. I felt at ease with the mention of a trip together. If my ex and all his friends/out mutual friends didn't exist - I would be ready to be more with this guy. Which tells me that my reluctance really is about not wanting to hurt my ex boyfriend. On the other hand, with the guy saying he's a patient guy - he's an amazing catch and I'm relatively sure he'd be snapped up quite quickly.
Recommended Posts