GaelicSoul Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) Well, here I'm again. My LDR girlfriend of 1 year was depressed and she broke up with me for the 2nd time in Feb. She is 27, I’m 30. We live in different countries in Europe, and were planning on moving to each other last may. We met in Australia in Jan 2012, while she was on holiday for a week. We had a wonderful connection, and felt she was finally the girl I had always dreamed about, however she was just finished a long term relationship, and I was cautious of not being a rebound. We kept in touch, and had lots of things in common, and fell in love very quickly soon after. We talked about our future a lot, and I planned on coming home to Europe to be with her, which I did last summer. However last summer, she also became very stressed with her work and was lonely I wasn't there. She confessed she wasn't eating, and also confided in me about both emotional and physical abuse in previous relationships from previous boyfriends. She also had a "friend" who was suffering from depression, and she took it on herself to try and help him. He confessed he had contemplated suicide, which upset her. I tried being positive, loving and supportive, and was already planning on coming to visit her. I said to her to try not get too close to her friend, as the guy needed professional help, and it was a big burden on her to take the responsibility of his welfare, and how she needed to look after herself too. She retreated into her shell, and asked me to give her space and time. I heard very little from her for the month of August, and she asked me to cancel flights to visit her, as she didn't want me to see her when she was this way. I obliged, and told her i was there for her; however it really hurt me that she was pushing me away. A few weeks later she wanted to Skype again, and admitted she still loved me, and wanted to visit me. At this time, I was already back in Europe, and wasn't sure and disillusioned with her as where I stood with her, so I said sure. I was very excited about seeing her again, as it would be the first time in months we could spend time with each other physically. However, to my amazement, she did a complete U turn a few days later, and messaged me on FB saying she met someone else, to forget about her, and was very sorry. I was so hurt, and sad, and didn't understand why she would do this to me. They guy she hooked up with, was her best friend, they same guy who was depressed. He is much older, 40, and from what I understand he suffers from depression. Their relationship only lasted a few weeks, until she decided it was best to remain friends, and she still had feelings for me, and was in love with me. I cut contact with her during this period, and tried to move on with my life. However 2 months later, she started to contact me again, asking for a second chance, and how she still loved me, was feeling better and and was so sorry for treating me that way. She said as I wasn't there physically, she was so lonely, and her best friend was there, and how they became intimate. She told me all the things I wanted to hear..But i asked her to be honest with me, and treat me with some respect. Well, I gave her 1 chance, as we all made make mistakes, and I told her actions speak louder than words. I also said to her, that when she was going through hard times, not to push me away. She wanted to come and visit me, which she did. And we spent Christmas together too, and she finally got to meet my family, and she told them how much she loved me, and how she wanted to come and live with me. We were so happy, and I felt finally things are going well. Things were getting very exciting and planning on her moving over to my country permanently. I was being very positive and supportive, and introducing her to my friends, but at the same time not putting too much pressure. In early Jan, she confessed she was beginning to feel the depression coming along again. I really wanted to be there for her through this time around, and do the right things to help her. She told me how she tried to cut herself before, and how she had gave up everything for other guys, and how they let her down. I reassured her that I loved her, and wouldn't turn my back on her. We spent another weekend together in Jan, and had a nice weekend together. It’s worth mentioning that her ex depressed friend, had offered her a high earning job in another country, and she told me she had thought about it. I was upset, as I felt this guy was trying to come between us again. She said he was only a friend; however it was such big money. He offered to get her set-up with her own apartment, and a well-paying job, but she was saying that it was only because he cared about her as a friend. I told her that he still had feelings for me, and it wouldn't work and to think clearly. Well then the sh$t hits the fan. He messaged her abuse on her phone, and how upset he was that she was in a relationship with me, and how she was a slut. He threatened to message me and tell me everything about them. He showed up outside her work the same day apologizing, and declaring his love for her. She told him she loved me, and to leave her alone. She told me all of this the same day over skype, however I got upset, and told her to stop contacting this guy as he was messing her up, and if she didn't I wanted out. This really upset her, and she was mad with me. I apologized for losing my cool, but said put yourself in my shoes. She begged me not to contact this guy, and I didn't. She told me he left her country, and this also upset her, In losing him as a friend.The few weeks since, she has been to the Doctor once a week getting tests, as she hadn't been feeling well, and had had lots of pains. She was very pale and stressed out, and feeling exhausted. She was told unfortunate news from her Doctor in regards to having Children. She pushed me away, deleted her FB profile, all our pics together, and asked me to give her time to get better. This hurt me, and she said she regretted doing it. I accepted and said I was here for her, then out of nowhere she asked me to get an STD test, and she wanted to make sure there was nothing wrong with her on that front. I asked her was everything ok, and she said she was depressed and just worrying about everything. I reluctantly did, and this made me sad. I got my results and let her know I was ok, and everything was negative. She has told her family finally of how she is feeling, so that gives me solace that they know. She wasn't getting any professional help which is very worrying though, beside going to her Doctor.She was very depressed at the time, feeling sad and lonely, and I don’t know what to do, but give her the space and time she needs to get better. It killed me she didn't talk to me, and if i sent her a message, she sent a short reply. LDR’s are hard enough, besides no contact. We hadn't spoken properly in weeks, and the last time we talked properly, she said physically she is feeling better, but still exhausted. I’m trying to be strong, and not worry, but I care about her and love her. This girl you are probably saying is messed up, and leave things be. I was meant to be meeting her family in March, however she broke up with me through a text message, and disappeared. She said she was happier and healthier on her own. I was devastated. I didn't deserve to be dumped by a text, and I told her that it was disrespectful, immature and cowardly. So the last few months i felt really down, and heard nothing from her. I text her for her birthday, no reply, and my 30th passed and nothing from her. I kept going on, but always thinking about her, praying for her well being, and she would find her way back to me some time. My best friend who she met is dying of cancer, so that has really upset me too. So in June, i finally heard from her. However it wasn't something I was expecting. She text me after 2.5 months and told me she got HPV from me, and accused me saying all her tests were negative before she met me, and to be careful with other girls, and hoped my HIV tests were negative too. I was shocked, and didn't know what to say. I told her that my tests were negative, and how i hadn't been with anyone else during the time we spent together. The last time we slept together was in Jan, so to contact me in June about an STD shocked me, and by text! She asked me how i was, and I was honest to say that I wasn't feeling great, especially the way things ended between us, and i have been feeling down. She said I'm here for you as a friend if you ever need it, however I replied saying that my feelings for you are still too strong, and I can't do friendship. I know the HPV cannot be detected in men, only if you have physical signs e.g Gential warts. It's a very common STD as nearly 50% of men have it, and 80% of women will get it at least once in their lifetime. For men who don't know they have it, it shows no symptoms for some. I had been in NC, when last week, a friend told me on FB that they saw how my ex was in a relationship since the start of May with you guessed it, the depressed Ex. I didn't want to know this, as I had being getting on with my life, however this shocked me, and hurt like a knife, as I thought she had deleted her FB, when in fact she just blocked me, and my friends and went about her life with her old Ex again. I reacted by texting her saying "i see it didn't take you long to get over me" She replied saying was i stalking her? I told her that someone on FB told me, and how i now saw her true colours, and her and her ex deserve each other, and most importantly to never contact me again. She replied saying that "i didn't contact you, you contacted me , leave me alone etc" an 1 hour later asking who told me about them. I haven't replied, and I have since deleted and blocked her. I'm so hurt that I was led led on for months, when all she had to do back in Jan was say "listen I can't do this LDR any more, I'm sorry" It would have been a lot easier, and especially something I could have accepted and moved on. But she lied to me, and accused me of giving her an STD which she has no proof. I went to my Dr last week and explained everything, and she said it's a very common STD, and most sexual active people get it at least once in their lives, and the body usually fights it off. She said to me that for my ex to accuse me of giving her it is wrong, as it can remain dormant in the body for a long time, and unless I was the only guy she was with, it's an unfair accusation. And how about the other guy, maybe he gave her something, why be angry with me? I have never had genital warts or any signs of HPV? I know I'm better off now, and at least I know the truth now. But it sucks so bad. I wasted so much money on cancelling flights to her country, and did my very best to help her, and all i got was kick in the nuts, lies and disrespect. I was dumped by her on FB, and through a text message, with no explanation. It turns out it was the Ex in the end she ended up with. All the months I thought about her, and wondering if she still loved me, or if she was doing good was in vain. It was lies and deceit. Here is my story, i know it's long. But for the seasoned veterans of this site, i would love to hear your opinions. Edited July 4, 2013 by GaelicSoul .
Laur3n Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I really wished I could hug you through the screen and comfort you. As harsh as this might sound I am glad she is out of your life as you clearly deserve someone more stable, loving and loyal. Also on a more positive note you don't have to deal with this drama anymore and get to improve yourself for someone worthy of your attention. You really sound like a wonderful guy and I hope that heart heals quick with a new love around the corner.
Author GaelicSoul Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Thank you all. I have been diagnosed with mild-moderate depression last week which is something I have been struggling for a few years with due to a lot of negative experiences, but after speaking to the Dr last week, she recommended me going and chatting to someone. I feel better knowing this, as it's a start on the road to recovery. I'm starting from scratch with my self esteem, and need to spend time getting better, as I'm not happy anymore, and I'm tired of feeling this way. Yes you're right, I do seem to attract certain type of women, however right now, i just want to be on my own. I want to get better, and I want to be happy, and I to start smiling again. But my mind is in overdrive, and I'm a slave to this. I need to break this cycle. Maybe someday I will meet a special person, but right now I need to get better.
Author GaelicSoul Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 Thank you SkidMark, I went to my first session yesterday, and I'm going again next Wednesday. She was very kind, interesting and gave me a new perspective on the type of people i went out with, but most of all that she can help me get out of this rut. What makes it funny, is i had a missed call from my ex yesterday, which suggested she wanted to talk to me. I didn't answer, and my therapist said to go NC for now, as she has too much trauma in her life. I wonder what she wanted, perhaps an apology? Or more drama, either way, i need to cut out negative people from my life, that serve me no purpose only then bringing me down. You're right. Hurt people...hurt people.
Author GaelicSoul Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 I'm really unsure what to say right now. I have been going NC for the last few weeks since I found out my ex went back to her ex, however I was shocked. My ex contacted me by text saying on Friday saying, "I know you hate me, but sometimes we cant do what we want, but have to do what we have to do" I didn't really know what she was saying, so i replied and said, "what's going on, and be honest with me, or else leave me alone" She said 'would you rather follow your heart, or save someone's life?' This is in reference to her current BF, the suicidal guy in his early 40's. I asked her what was going on, and said did he threaten self harm if she left him? She avoided the subject, and said nice things about me, and what I meant to her. I replied if she needed to talk, or wanted to help to let me know. She said I couldn't help her, and she was sorry for contacting me etc, and said lots of more nice things, and to strangely ended by saying, say please a little prayer for me... I am worried about her, as she is naive, and seems to be stuck in an awful situation right now. This guy has threatened taking his own life before, even when we were going he caused endless problems. As I'm in another country, I tried my best and said that she needed to tell his family last year, and that it can't be her issue to solve his problems, and it's manipulative behaviour. She said he had no family, only her, and she couldn't turn her back on him, especially if he could take his own life. This changes a lot of things, and I'm not going to get involved, as she has got herself into this an awful situation. I have said if she needed my help, or wanted to talk to let me know, however I'm worried about her. And if the reason she left me is because this guy has been threatening to kill himself if she ever left him, or saw me with her then that's horrible. I guess most people will say, avoid avoid AVOID! Her issue, she dug her own hole etc, it could be a cry for attention, but strangely, I believe her. As this guy is very unpredictable, and she seems to be very afraid of him. She lives on her own, and i have no idea if she has told anyone. I still care about her, and I don't hate anyone, but think it's best to stay out of this.
Echo000 Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 dude- yes. AVOID. she is playing you man. she knows you will respond, so she keeps inserting herself and her drama into your life. she sounds like a child. this might sound cruel (although i dont care), but who cares about the ex and his suicidal tendencies? its HIS life, not hers. He ultimately will do whatever he wants to do with HIS life- how is it her role to a). be with him because of that and b). put any of that on you? Her life, her problems. She treated you like trash. To continue talking to her would be you treating yourself like garbage. No mas.
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