Jono85 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 This may not help anyone else, but last night as I was journaling (something I started recently to help with things) I had a bit of an epiphany of sorts. Now I don't know whether it will have lasting power in the slightest, but I feel much better about things after making this analogy. It's especially for any present/past competitive athletes out there. Bare with me... So I started thinking last night, I've ALWAYS been super resilient in life, especially when it came to sports. I always prided myself on having a very short memory (in sports) and having an ability to gather myself in moments of disappointment, or hardship, and come out and fight like I had no recollection of those hardships. So I started thinking, why on Earth has this breakup consumed me. Why do I dwell on it each and every day like it's defined my life. Why do I still analyze bits and pieces of it, replay the hurt, long for the goodtimes, etc etc? Why have I been so resilient in one aspect of my life, always fighting, never quitting or making excuses, but just coming back and DOMINATING the competition...yet in this aspect of my life, I've let it consume me and keep me down?? I'm just tired of it. And I started using my experience in sports, and relating it to my breakup/past relationship.. First and foremost, it's important to recognize that I LOST. I know that might sound like a pretty negative attitude to hold, but I did and there's no shame in that. It's actually quite liberating to just accept it. It's not my exes fault in the slightest (ok maybe a bit..). She defeated me. It's on ME. Just like in sports, I was under prepared, lacked proper scouting (of her red-flags), and I didn't execute my game plan to the best of my ability while lacking proper judgement at times. Sure, in the beginning my game was rock solid. I had the upper hand for majority of our relationship -- and that doesn't matter btw, whether you have the upper hand, I'm just making a point -- but in the end, I started getting needy, focusing too much of my life around her, and just losing who I was (not executing MY life gameplan or imposing my will on my opponent). Not only did I not execute and make poor decisions, I let more than a couple red-flags just pass me by. Basically I didn't scout my opponent well at all. She had more than her fair share of character flaws, that I normally would catch, or at least not stand for when I did catch them. Instead I downplayed them, b/c the thought of being alone was scarier than just ignoring a few red-flags and hoping they'd never inflict any pain down the road. Boy was I wrong. As per usual, red flags are there for a reason, and will most likely come back to bite you. Now, the important part -- after accepting that I LOST, realize that I haven't lost the entire season, or the entire match, or however you want to look at it. Sure I'm behind now -- maybe I'm down 2-0 in a playoff series best of 7, or maybe I'm down a couple sets in tennis, or maybe I'm 10-20 in the first 30 games of an 82 game season. The point is, IT'S IN THE PAST. It's over. Forget about it. As noted above, I just didn't execute for whatever reason. Be it lack of scouting (red-flags), lack of effort (neglect, or getting needy, etc.), stupid decisions, etc etc. ACCEPT IT AND REALIZE THERE'S PLENTY MORE GAME/SEASON LEFT. The only way I can end up a champion is if I forget all that crap and start from scratch and work my tail off and fight to get back in the season/playoffs. For me, that was 2 years of my life. Big f***ing deal. Many of you, it might be more. But the point is, all hope is not lost. We can still turn out winners. But the only way that's going to happen is if we accept defeat and vow to come out stronger/hungrier/better from here on out. I was always able to shake off a loss in sports okay -- don't get my wrong, when I lost, it was terrible, but the next day, the next period, the next set, it's a brand new opportunity to show what I'm made of. There was no quit in me. For some reason during this breakup, I've had such a hard time accepting defeat. My ego's been clinging to silly notions like 1. she'll regret it one day. 2. how could she leave me!?!? wasn't I so special to her!?!? ... and the list goes on and on. Instead of.. I lost, it's over Jono, forget about it, you weren't on your game, but guess what, there's still 70% of the season left to turn this ship around. Are you going to mope about those 20 games, those 2 sets, those 2 playoff games, and let it affect and ruin your present/future games, or are you going to show the world that they haven't seen the last of you, that as bad as it gets it's going to be hell for someone to beat you over the course of an entire season/series, that you can rise up after hardship when no one expects it and has already counted you out, and DOMINATE. I know which route I'm taking . 26 and 27 may have been some disappointing years, but I'll be damned if I don't grow from this, accept the past is the past, move on, and come back with some glorious 28-30 years! And I know I won't make the same mistakes with my next girlfriend. I won't neglect my scouting, nor will I relax my standards as I did previously. As the cliché goes, life isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. No champion ever went undefeated (ok maybe a verryyy small few). Time to pick ourselves up and finish strong, like we know we're capable of. For me, why this analogy has been a bit of a breakthrough, is b/c it's made me realize that there's no shame in losing and it's been a huge load off my back; especially my ego. I've been so caught up in denial and depressed about my self-worth, and questions of "how" always come to the forefront, but once I looked at it as "I wasn't on top of my game in the slightest" and begin to forgive myself and let it go, I feel much better. That's also the second reason why it's been a breakthrough; I've taken FULL CONTROL of the situation. I was the one who played poor, who didn't give 100%, who let my opponent deceive me and outsmart me. I applaud her. She won. She will ALWAYS have that victory over me. Always. Just like in sports, you cannot erase losses. They're permanent. And that's just fine. How are you going to react to that loss though? We can all still have successful seasons/careers; just accept it, forget about it, put in the proper work and effort starting NOW and good things will follow
marqueemoon4 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) Yep.. great analogy. I've played a lot of sports over the year, coached hockey, and now coach my sons soccer team. Defeat happens, it's how you regroup and improve your game. And having good team players around you helps immensely. You're not even in your 30s yet? You're way early into the season, ALOT can happen. ps- she didn't "win". you two weren't a good fit so she released you. Simple as that. Edited July 4, 2013 by marqueemoon4
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