Iama Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I don't understand how to fix it. I am ashamed by it. Almost to the point of breaking up, since I can't bear the shame. Tuesday she came over. We had an amazing time like usual. But then before going to sleep her guy coworker showed her this and that... (She mentions him a lot) and I snapped... It always bothered me but I had never snapped. We talked about it semi-constructively. But I felt like we weren't really understanding each other. She almost started crying, saying she's being very careful and everyone in her life knows how much she is into our relationship and she doesn't know what else she can do. I know all this was mainly my fault. But I really dont know how to change this. I DO GET affected and jealous of her attention to other people... Yet I know for sure that there is nothing to worry about... What do I do?
FrustratedGuy91 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Well if you are sure that there is nothing to worry about, why worry?
Author Iama Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Well if you are sure that there is nothing to worry about, why worry? It's not a controlled behavior. It's not a thought. It's a feeling. I think it's jealousy as in jealous of her attention to other people. But I'm 100% sure that she would never let something else happen and that she's 100% in love with me.
beach Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 It's not a controlled behavior. It's not a thought. It's a feeling. I think it's jealousy as in jealous of her attention to other people. But I'm 100% sure that she would never let something else happen and that she's 100% in love with me. Don't ever be that sure. IF she loved you as much as you say - she wouldn't participate with the other guy if it hurt your feelings. But she does... Is she willing to never communicate with him again?
pcplod Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Don't ever be that sure. IF she loved you as much as you say - she wouldn't participate with the other guy if it hurt your feelings. But she does... Is she willing to never communicate with him again? Uh, I assume that as he is a co-worker, the talk was related to work things or at least within work. Even if it wasn't you can't expect people to only maintain a relationship with you, especially if you are in daily contact with them. So the advice is no good to him. The OP has security and esteem problems that he needs to get sorted out or else his relationships are going to be a long succession of failures, one-by-one. 1
beach Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I misunderstood. I thought the coworker was texting her right before bedtime.
Author Iama Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Uh, I assume that as he is a co-worker, the talk was related to work things or at least within work. Even if it wasn't you can't expect people to only maintain a relationship with you, especially if you are in daily contact with them. So the advice is no good to him. The OP has security and esteem problems that he needs to get sorted out or else his relationships are going to be a long succession of failures, one-by-one. This advice is a no-advice. You have issues. Sort them out.... What's the advice again? - I am sure I don't have self esteem problems. People all say that it boils down to this, but I am very comfortable with myself and I don't think I need to put myself in competition with others. I don't need to "prove" anything. - I never had security issues. Until this current gf. We got so close and she shares with me if something bothers her in terms of girls I hang out with, and I thought I'd do the same. Here's when the problem started. For some reason I started getting bothered more and more. The main thing I blame, is that since she is bothered easily by girls I hang out with and I am very careful to not give her bad perceptions / hurt her, I am expecting the same. And when these expectations are let down and the perceptions aren't so great, then I become frustrated.
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